𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐑.

him   and   maren,   born   seven   minutes   apart   and   ripped   from   humanity   with   the   same   cruel   swipe   of   their   father’s   hand,   were   two   halves   of   a   whole.   they   shared   the   same   face,   the   same   mind,   the   only   difference   being   maren’s   long   white - blonde   hair   compared   to   the   cropped   and   crazed   strands   jasper   sported.   there   was   something   to   be   said   about   the   abilities   of   twins   to   communicate.   they   understood   each   other   with   expressions   and   mumbles   alone,   could   crawl   into   each   other’s   minds   and   talk   almost   telepathically   when   needed   — or   when   deep   in   the   throes   of   their   transformations.   for   years   they   had   been   forcibly   separated,   another   attempt   of   their   crooked   sire   to   tear   his   children   apart   little   by   little.    “i   want   to   hear   about   everything.   tell   me   something.   anything.”   jasper   turned   to   miles,   puckering   their   cocoa - covered   lips   for   a   sweet   and   tender   kiss.   they   ran   a   hand   gently   against   miles’s   chest,   feeling   the   warmth   of   his   skin   beneath   it.   although   the   man   was   very   much   dead,   would   have   felt   inanimate   to   anyone   else,   it   was   as   though   the   wolf   could   sense   the   adoration   deep   in   the   pit   of   his   chest,   could   feel   the   love   emanating   from   it.   the   noise   would   be   a   comfort,   something   to   take   their   mind   away   from   the   memories   of   the   night   before.   they   came   in   flashes   as   though   the   images   belonged   to   somebody   else   entirely,   vignettes   of   the   hunt,   the   sounds   of   fleeing   prey   or   the   scampering   of   paws   in   the   grass.

ever since the rumours and lies about him started spiraling around, every single step he took was being watched. it turned out that they only liked miles' bad boy persona when it was beneficial for them. when the bad was fake, put in scene to add some edge to the band. everything had took a turn for the worse when he had ran off the stage during a panic attack, media spreading that it was just because he disagreed with the setlist. his agents had suggested him to open up a few times, but he rejected them. he would rather be known as a dick than as weak. he refused to be considered weak. however, he feared it would take away his freedom during the tour. which couldn't happen, because what if they no longer allowed him to fly back home for his boyfriend ? " i know that might not sound ideal for us, but we'll work it out. you can join me when and wherever you want to and when we're apart, we'll video call. we'll video call so much you're going to get sick of me. " when jasper puckered his lips at him he pressed them together, moving a gentle hand to hold it against jasper's face. love like this was something he used to want to shield himself from, but now that it was his he wouldn't lose it for the world. " you're beautiful, " he said, his voice a low hum. to him they always were, it didn't matter if he was looking at them on a bad morning after a full moon or dressed up beautifully on one of the dates he liked to take his partner on. " i've also been writing songs again, but i shouldn't let you hear them. you'd consider me the biggest simp you've ever met. " he laid his head on jasper's shoulder. something that was often the other way around, but while the other was busy eating he decided to take his chance.

calahan   wasn’t   one   to   laugh,   but   there   was   a   slight   noise   from   the   man   as   zane   stepped   forward.   immortality   had   never   been   cool.   there   was   nothing   cool   about   slowly   losing   the   ones   he   loved,   about   abandoning   the   life   that   he   had   dreamed   about   because   of   two   teeth   to   the   neck.   he   had   wanted   to   be   a   preacher,   had   worked   at   the   church   before   the   draft   —   wearing   a   stiff   collar   and   steering   people   through   sermons   had   always   been   his   dream   and,   now,   he   was   something   even   god   himself   would   squash   with   his   boot   if   given   the   chance.   a   blot   on   the   earth,   a   stain   ;   vampires   were   evil,   heinous   things   –   how   could   a   holy   man   live   such   a   life   of   sin,   of   gluttony,   of   need,   and   still   call   himself   a   disciple   of   the   lord ?   “it   eats   you   alive,”   was   all   he   could   manage,   the   earthiness   of   his   irish   drawl   catching   in   his   throat   as   he   spoke.   golden   eyes   lifted   to   focus   on   zane,   and   delicately   his   pale   fingers   ghosted   up   the   length   of   his   boyfriend’s   arm.   despite   their   distance,   he   craved   touch.   over   the   years   he   had   known   many   vampires   that   had   fallen   in   love   with   mortals.   some   succumbed   almost   immediately,   others   lived   under   the   guise   of   sobriety   for   decades   until   their   partners   ended   up   in   the   local   morgue,   drained   of   blood   under   inexplicable   circumstances.   what   would   happen   to   them,   if   calahan   stayed ?   would   he   lose   control   one   night,   attach   himself   to   zane’s   neck,   drink   until   there   was   nothing   left,   until   centuries   of   thirst   were   finally   quenched ?   the   thought   would   have   broken   his   heart,   if   it   had   still   been   beating.   instead,   the   cavern   in   his   chest   felt   impossibly   hollow.   “i   could   kill   you,”   his   words   were   those   of   defeat,   the   final   breath   of   a   dying,   writhing   animal.   “i   could   wake   up   and   the   hunger   could   become   too   much.   i   could   destroy   you.   i   don’t   ever   want   to   hurt   you.”   even   as   their   bodies   moved   closer   he   could   hear   the   thump,   thump,   thump   of   zane’s   pulse,   a   sound   like   drumming   beneath   his   skin.   as   though   he   was   willed   into   the   other   man’s   orbit,   he   rested   their   foreheads   delicately   together.   “i   need   to   protect   you.”

a sigh escaped him when he noticed calahan's reaction. finding immortality cool was perhaps an odd choice, but he couldn't help that it seemed so cool in the movies. they always made it seem like an adventure, like something so much more superior to the mundane ... but comparing the movies to the actual beings was unfair. real people their feelings were so much more complex, so layered - he couldn't imagine it. so in response he offered the other a sad smile. " i'm sure it does. i've made a massive misjudgement. " he wasn't proud of it, but he couldn't help having a simple human mind as a human. he was grateful that he wasn't frightened of him, like many humans would be. how could he be, though ? he loved calahan; he loved calahan, so much. he wouldn't be his boyfriend if he didn't. besides, cal had never been aggressive towards him before and zane convinced himself that it was unlikely to change. anything could happen, but he had faith. " you could. " he acknowledged. it wouldn't be hard for someone like him to get rid of zane, but he wasn't worried. " but i'm not worried. you can think of that what you want, but i trust you. i don't think you can change that. " he didn't move despite the other's words, instead he leaned into him when he stepped closer. desperate to confirm his words. desperate to make him believe that his trust was sincere. " i trust that whatever is bound to happen between us will happen. " which was possibly a dark though. it was like he was saying like he was meant to die, which was technically what he was doing - truth was that zane never really believed he'd have a future. he already risked his life on a day to day basis by being a firefighter, so sometimes he believed that there should at least be something to bring him to an untimely death. if anything he'd feel fortunate to pass by satisfying someone he loved. " you don't have to protect me, calahan; i can protect myself just fine. " he hoped his words would be taken serious, that he could prevent his boyfriend from leaving him. " we'll figure it out, you and i. sure there's differences between us, but aren't there between most couples ? " he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in his presence. his cold forehead against zane's own. " it won't be easy, but love rarely is. "

Dead Boy Detectives 1.06

the image bloomed in daisy's mind, so vivid it was almost real: a sprawling house with light pouring through huge windows, a chaotic explosion of colour in the garden, and the two of them floating in a pool under a sky painted with impossible hues. a laugh escaped her, light and disbelieving. "a rainbow garden, romy? really?" she said, her voice full of affection. "we'll be the talk of the neighbourhood. everyone will think we've lost our minds." she paused, her thumb stroking the back of romy's hand, her smile softening. "but i want it. i want the whole crazy, beautiful dream with you. the house, the pool, the ridiculous garden. all of it." she leaned in closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper as she caught the last word romy had used. "and you think i'm the addictive one?" daisy's eyes danced with mischeif. "look at you, building us a mansion in your head. i'm just a girl who happens to like wildflowers. you're the one with the whole world in your imagination, and for some reason, you keep letting me be in it. so who's really got who hooked here?"

" gotta give them something to talk about sometimes, right ? people talking about us would mean that we aren't boring, which is great ... because the last thing i want to be, is boring. " she wanted to leave an impression on people. hopefully positive ones, but if colours in their garden were to turn people against them it would be their problem more than hers. while they'd be fuming, she would just be minding her own business. hers and daisy's. " maybe we'll get to inspire people to have a bit more fun with their lives. that can't hurt, can it ? also, don't get me started on how flowers have become underrated. " most gardens just had a few of them for show, but what happened to the unhingedness of wildflowers ? everything had to be perfect for some people and it bored her. " i've always loved fantasizing, daisy. that's nothing new. i'm also keen to having dreams that seem out of reach, but you'll never know if they really are if you never actually reach for them. " it sounded so simple to her, but she knew people would consider her weird for it. " how about we pop by a flower shop today ? i'd like for you to tell me all about your favourites. "

over   the   last   few   years,   his   mother   had   stopped   visiting.   it   was   the   same   spot   in   the   parking   lot   that   his   father   always   parked   up   in,   waiting   in   the   car   for   hours   sometimes,   wasting   time   until   his   mother   finished   up   medication   reviews,   psychiatric   appointments,   check - ups.   it   had   been   quiet   for   a   long   time   yet,   every   thursday,   he   came   back,   sitting   atop   the   garbage   cans   and   swinging   their   legs,   hoping   that   she   would   show   her   face.   at   least   for   a   moment.   his   sister   would   be   leaving   for   college   one   of   these   days,   he   thought,   studying   music   or   literature   or   maybe   psychiatry,   given   the   circumstances   —   so   what   was   he   still   doing,   hanging   around   at   the   back   of   buildings   and   watching   the   days   melt   away ?   the   only   welcome   change,   the   only   new   addition   to   his   schedule,   was   the   strange   dark - haired   boy   that   had   started   showing   up.   every   week.   thursday.   like   clockwork.   “monty ! ”   gabriel   swung   himself   from   the   garbage   cans   and   crossed   the   tarmac,   “thought   you   might   not   make   it.   you   busy   with   your   new   girlfriend ? ”   a   glisten   in   their   dark   eyes,   a   playful   smirk.   gabriel   knew   that   the   two   of   them   weren’t   interested   in   the   slightest in matters of the fairer sex. 

humanity hadn't seemed this difficult back when monty was still a crow. he had watched the outside world, the witch who owned him and the people she had over - and he had considered them simple. so, figuring out that they weren't as plain as he thought they were, had come to him as a surprise. he was eternally grateful for his newfound freedom, but he still had a hard time figuring out how it worked. people he met were fast to consider him different, calling him 'awkward', 'quirky' and 'weird', all except for a certain someone. on his first visit to the doctor's clinic he met a person he considered to be very kind. someone who didn't consider him weird and treated him like an equal. something he wasn't used to. ever since they met he had made a thing out of it to return to the doctor weekly. a place he only once visited because someone pointed him over there after tripping over his own feet, and the visit taught him that some people were really helpful ... and that other people, such as gabriel, weren't half bad. " gabe ! " he grinned once his dark eyes landed on the familiar face, walking up to him. meeting each other weekly had become an unspoken arrangement. " i'm only five minutes late ! and that's not because of me, but because of my bus which was stuck in traffic. " it felt easy to shove the blame away, but it wasn't unjust. he winced at his question then. " girlfriend ? i don't have a girlfriend ... and i must say that i'm not looking for one either. " the concept of having a girlfriend didn't interest him at all, which he thought was weird, because the concept of having a boyfriend definitely did.

she  listened  as  he  spoke  about  how  personal  the  holiday  used  to  be,  how  it  was  because  people  cared.  it  sounded  nice.  his  offer  took  her  by  surprise,  but  the  witch  smiled.  "  you  know,  that  sounds  like  a  wonderful  idea.  count  me  in.  "

" very wise. best way to avoid getting your heart broken is by not borrowing it out to begin with. " that was how he had been doing it lately. he'd had many partners in the past, varying by gender and species, but he got his heart broken a few too many times. weird, maybe - some would argue that he didn't have a heart to begin with. both because of being a vampire and because of his colder side. he couldn't blame them, though. despite dorian having a soft spot and a lot of capacity inside of him to love, he shielded himself from getting attached to people. in his lifetime he had seen many people he learned to care about pass away and he was unsure how many more times he could keep doing that. there was a moment of silence in which he started rethinking all of his previous words. had asking her that really been worth it, while knowing he could easily be rejected ? talk about shielding yourself when asking someone out only a moment later. hypocritical. still, the regret left him when he saw her smile. maybe it wouldn't be that bad, as long as he protected himself from getting too attached. " tell me. where have you always wanted to go ? please refrain from mentioning far away places. " something nearby, he was certain that there was at least something. " and i'm not talking about restaurants, i think those are all fully booked ... and they're also too much of a cliche . "

miles   didn’t   care   for   connor’s   ‘ shortcomings ’.   in   fact,   he   didn’t   see   the   blonde   in   front   of   him   as   anything   less   than   perfect.   could   he   be   irritating ?   absolutely.   did   he   know   just   how   to   get   beneath   the   driver’s   skin ?   with   ease.   but   the   moment   he   saw   those   gentle   eyes,   felt   his   hold,   saw   the   sensitivity   hidden   beneath,   it   was   as   though   he   melted   completely.   connor   was   his   weak   spot,   his   center   mass,   the   target   on   his   back   ;   whatever   threatened   to   come   between   them   he   would   fight   with   everything   he   was   worth.   they   could   have   remained   that   way   forever   and,   maybe,   if   they   had,   they   could   have   kept   the   world   at   arm’s   reach   for   a   little   while   longer.   instead   their   lips   broke,   and   miles   rested   his   nose   against   connor’s   with   a   gentleness   uncharacteristic   for   somebody   on   the   police’s   most - wanted   list.   “not   bad   for   a   crook,   hm ? ”   he   laughed.   the   noise   was   soft,   a   betrayal   of   the   hard   exterior   he   had   maintained   for   so   long.   miles   wasn’t   a   bad   guy,   not   really   —   he   was   just   a   boy   that   had   been   born   on   the   wrong   side   of   the   tracks,   that   had   found   himself   knee - deep   in   a   situation   he   couldn’t   break   free   from.   anyone   could   have   been   in   his   position.   it   just   seemed   as   though   he   was   the   unlucky   one,   perpetually   stuck   in   the   mud.   “i   don’t   mind   being   your   dirty   little   secret,   you   know ?   i’m   sure   i   can   whittle   you   down   eventually,   show   you   what   you’re   missing … ”   they   were   so   different   and   yet,   somewhere,   there   was   a   spark.   connor,   straight - laced   and   proper   ;   miles,   rough   around   the   edges.   the   two   were   star - crossed,   but   he   had   never   been   one   to   back   down   from   a   fight.   “can   i   steal   you   away   for   a   little   while ?   reckon   they’ll   miss   you ? ”

" not half bad. " he wasn't proud of admitting it. the same family who was so proud of connor and his job would be beyond disappointed with him if they were to figure out his kryptonite. someone who went against many things he believed in. someone who worked as a getaway for the same people connor was supposed to get a hold off. hell, if he were to follow his job by the book he would ensure that miles would be thrown behind bars. he didn't though, and if anyone were to question him he would deny everything. he'd tell them he had no idea who the man was, maybe he'd even try to throw them off of their track if they came to close. there was a quiet desperation that wanted to make sure miles stayed in reach - something about being attached. his mind circled back to the term 'kryptonite'. it didn't take him long to realize that that was exactly what he was. someone who weakened him and made him work against himself, despite what he believed in so deeply. love was cruel like that; sometimes you'd fall for the wrong person and there was nothing to do to change that. " you're very full of yourself. do you realize that ? " he hummed, with the way connor was looking at him it was clear he didn't mind. he was learning to accept his feelings, knowing that they weren't going to leave him alone anytime soon. " i won't make it easy for you, though. do with that what you will - consider it a challenge, if you must ... or give up on me and find yourself someone with similar standards. " though he was mainly teasing, the tone in his voice was also serious. the job he worked was important to him and he wasn't going to risk it with ease, because if it weren't for his job he wouldn't have a lot. a sigh escaped from his lips listening to the following words. he looked around for a moment, making sure no one was close enough to hear them, before he met miles' gaze again. " okay. i'm yours, for now. i can't promise it will last long, duty tends to call ... so please have at it while we can. " he knew damn well that if they got busy with something and someone called him, he'd hang up on them.

“  but  it's  .  .  .  more  than  that  too.  sure,  seein'  my  friends  mope  isn't  my  favorite  activity.  but,  y'know,  it's  more  frustrating  when  it's  undeserved.  ”  hands  slide  behind  his  head,  leaning  back  on  the  couch.  a  comfortable  buzz  enflames  his  veins.  like  he's  something  more  than  carefree  —  especially  since  carefree  could  be  considered  as  a  main  personality  trait.  his  hues  train  on  robin,  softening  as  he  takes  them  in.  it  seems  blasphemous  that  someone  hadn't  swept  them  up.  even  in  casual  conversation,  fennec  feels  listened  to  and  appreciated.  like  he  might  be  one  of  the  most  important  people  of  their  life.  he  lets  out  a  laugh,  rubbing  his  nose  as  he  playfully  roles  his  eyes,  “  damn  straight.  ”  canines  show  in  wide  smile  leaning  upwards  and  slapping  his  own  legs  in  a  soft  pitter-patter  movement.  “  i  don't  think  there  is  anything  y'could  do  that  would  change  that.  ”  he's  honest.  a  million  things  could  change,  but  never  the  bond  between  him  and  robin.  “  oh  fuck  yeah,  grab  the  prosecco.  whatever  gets  me  drunk  faster.  ”

" how are you so sure that it's undeserved ? maybe people think i would be a very boring partner. maybe they'd be right. " they hoped not. they were often anxious but that didn't mean that they didn't love to have a good time. besides, they were always open for practically anything. just not things like clubbing, which was still unfortunately a big thing to certain people. they disliked crowds, which was susprising for someone who used to perform in front of them - they believed it was being part of the crowd that was the actual problem. they loved traveling though, and robin wanted someone to explore the world with more than anything. " i hope you mean that. there aren't a lot of people in the world i truly like, but you're one of them - which means that i really, really, don't want to lose you. " maybe it was the alcohol, but robin was saying things they usually wouldn't and they needed to stop before they'd say things that they would regret. having fennec meant a lot to them and the last thing they wanted was to screw things up by feelings that got in the way. robin stood up, stretching because they had been sitting for too long before walking over to the fridge to grab a bottle of prosecco. " you can get drunk all you want, but you aren't going to convince me to leave my house when you are. i really want to stay in. " they grabbed a corkscrew to help them pop the bottle open.

really,  honestly,  and  truthfully  .  .  .  sawyer  finding  the  paintings  of  himself  might  have  been  one  of  the  most  embarrassing  things  atlas  has  experienced  in  the  whole  twenty-some  years  of  his  life.  “  yes,  it's  only  this  one.  don't  let  it  get  to  your  head.  ”  it  wasn't  the  only  one.  as  of  recent,  sawyer  had  become  somewhat  of  a  muse  to  him.  between  the  charismatic  cadence  of  the  other  &  the  physicality  due  to  his  job  .  .  .  sawyer  wasn't  too  bad  to  imagine  on  canvas.  “  right,  well,  for  that  to  be  more  accurate  you'd  have  to  get  naked.  'nd  i  can  assure  you,  none  of  these  contain  that.  ”  mumbles,  digits  itching  to  reach  over  and  grab  the  canvas  from  the  other's  hands.

" shucks. i would've loved to see more. you really pay my features justice. and also, thank you for not forgetting my birthmark. people enjoy editing it out sometimes. " he'd almost say that was the one reason why he was so fast to realize it was him on the painting, but that wasn't true. atlas was very talented and clearly knew how to make sawyer look like himself. " yet. none of these contain that yet. who knows what i'd be willing to do for more flattering paintings of me. " he looked at the painting again, before holding it next to his head. " snap a picture, please ? i want to be able to compare us. " he made the same face as he did on the other's painting, waiting for the other man to hopefully pull out his phone to snap a picture.

to    valentina,    romance    wasn't    large    gestures    of    performative    love    ⸻    it    was    intimate,    something    shared    between    them.    no    fuss    and    muss    about    how    they    looked    or    who    was    going    to    see    them    out    on    the    town.    their    careers    made    it    impossible    not    to    be    approached    at    least    once    a    night    by    someone    who    thought    they    were    important    enough    to    do    so.

at last she was starting to calm down some. if they wouldn't leave their room much then she wouldn't have to decide on showy dinner outfits. just on ... she definitely had to bring her favourite lingerie. if she wasn't going to show off with pretty dresses then she could at least show off for valentina when it was just the two of them. they never aged out or romance, or fun for that matter. she leaned into the other's lips, finally coming back to her senses. " i'm dying to find out more, actually. though i already know the most important part - it's just you and me, hopefully having the best time ever because we're hopelessly in love. " something playful was attached to her voice. fortunately val knew exactly how to calm her down. both of them were no strangers to being busy. they both had a lot going on in their lives and she loved that, but that only meant the quiet moments shared between the two of them that much more impactful. she loved cozy dinners and nights out, but she also loved putting all of her focus on her woman. " we should leave the room at least some, though. i'm trying to get some suntan. " she hummed, going through her closet slower this time. " if we're going some place sunny, that is. "

most  situations  didn't  phase  layla  too  much.  for  the  most  part  she  considered  herself  to  be  in  her  element  and  have  everything  perfect  and  squeaky  clean.  but  there  were  definitely  moments  where  maybe  she  pushed  a  little  bit  too  hard  with  her  job  and  not  hard  enough  with  her  life  —  specifically  with  her  social  life.  hence  why  seeing  logan  at  the  bar  seemed  to  really  tip  the  scale  with  her.  “  how  dare  me  is  right,  ”  a  smile  eases  it's  way  onto  brims  as  she  leans  back  in  the  booth  to  really  look  at  logan.  hues  follow  long  hair  and  clothes  that  fit  nice  on  the  other.  “  i  would  love  one.  ”  she  admits,  fingers  mindlessly  twirling  the  straw  of  her  current  cocktail.  “  you  look  nice  .  .  .  trying  to  impress  someone?  ”

" didn't expect to find you by yourself in a bar, though. are you going for the mysterious girl vibes ? hoping that someone will find you intriguing and hit on you ? " she teased, tilting her head slightly so her gaze could meet layla's. logan had always considered her a gorgeous woman, but she was even more so from this closeby. " tell me. what's your poison ? i'll pick the same as you, so i'm trusting you to make a good choice. " they were always keen on trying anything out. their eyes sparkled as they heard the words that followed, grateful that they weren't someone who was fast to get flustered. " maybe. you never know who you might walk into in a bar. maybe i'll get lucky enough to meet a beautiful woman. " but her gaze didn't move from the one sitting next to her.

"  i  hope  so.  "  ruth  nodded.  there  were  so  many  conflicting  feelings.  she  wanted  to  tell  maia  all  of  it...  she  just  didn't  know  if  that  was  the  right  thing  to  do  anymore.  she  wanted  to  be  friends  with  maia  but  it  was  harder  to  put  into  reality  than  it  was  to  actually  do.  maybe  things  would  be  easier  when  they  weren't  living  with  one  another  ...  or  maybe  it  would  be  harder.  she  didn't  really  know  anymore.  "  oh  yeah.  i  think  i'm  gonna  need  all  the  help  i  can  get  when  you're  not  around  to  make  me  food.  "  she'd  always  tried  her  hardest  but  had  never  really  done  well  with  cooking.  not  even  the  simplest  of  things.  she  wasn't  exactly  sure  what  she  was  going  to  do  once  they  moved  out.  "  yeah,  i  do.  that  would  -  i'd  like  that.  "

" i'll make sure to leave you a recipe book. don't worry, i'll simplify all of it. cooking for dummies. " she sent a wink her way, hoping that would ensure her that she was being playful. and not trying to be mean to her. maia enjoyed expressing her creativity, so when she came up with the task to make a recipe book she always started planning how she could make it as aesthetic and helpful as possible. " noted. i'll make it look so good that all your coworkers will end up jealous. " she threw the chopped strawberries in the blender before she started chopping some bananas. she was going to miss these moments. she had once believed that her entire future would be full with them, it still had to sink in that it was ending soon. " milk based or juice based ? i like to switch it up. "

it  was  impossible  for  levi  not  to  think  about  what  might  have  happened  if  he  and  atlas  had  just  been  open  with  how  they  had  felt.  they'd  spent  so  long  hating  each  other  and  it  had  never  been  that  at  all.  they'd  just  been  to  afraid  to  admit  the  truth.  he  wasn't  really  sure  what  to  do  with  any  of  that  now.  even  at  the  others  suggestion  of  a  drink  afterwards,  levi  thought  about  turning  it  down.  he  wasn't  really  sure  what  it  was  going  to  do  and  would  it  only  complicate  the  whole  thing  even  more?  but  there  was  a  part  of  him  that  wanted  to  spend  as  much  time  with  the  man  in  front  of  him  as  he  could.  he  nodded,  "  alright.  yeah.  "  it  wasn't  exactly  his  most  enthusiastic  reply  but  he  was  confused.  he  didn't  really  know  what  to  say  in  that  moment.  " i'll  meet  you  outside  after.  we'll  go  for  a  drink.  "

he wasn't sure what he was supposed to think of the reunion. it was nice to see certain faces again, but there were none he really still got along with. even the two guys who had been his best friends with who he had played football in the past didn't even seem to have anything in common with him anymore. when he started talking to them about football, they just said that they used to watch him play on tv. they proceeded to ask him for a picture and after that things just didn't feel right. it didn't feel like the friendship that once was. so he left early and was now standing outside, leaning against a wall beside the door. when levi finally walked out he let out a sigh of relief. " you kept me waiting ... i hope you had a better time than i did ? "

“atlas.   yes,”   she   smiled,   which   only   blew   wider   into   a   laugh   at   his   following   comment.   “we   have   your   notes.   i   know   i’m   an   unfamiliar   face,   but   i’ll   do   all   i   can   to   see   what’s   causing   the   problem.   dr   holmström   is   the   expert,   but   he’s   taught   me   well.”   a   kind   and   understanding   teacher.   shreya   had   dealt   with   her   fair   share   of   stuck - up   doctors,   of   those   that   thought   they   were   too   good   to   impart   their   knowledge   on   somebody   else.   søren   had   never   been   above   her.   his   patience,   his   pride   over   the   care   provided,   had   aided   shreya’s   growth   more   than   she   could   ever   put   into   words.   it   was   now   her   chance   to   show   her   superior   exactly   what   she   was   made   of.   what   followed   was   silence,   but   it   was   silence   because   she   was   simply   listening.   “is   it   getting   any   worse ?   is   there   a   change   in   the   tenderness,   size,   anything   like   that ? ”   tender   hands   moved   towards   atlas’s   knee.   her   gaze   flickered   upwards,   a   silent   ask   to   touch   him.   once   the   doctor   was   given   the   all   clear   she   started   delicately   moving   her   fingers   around   his   kneecap,   feeling   for   any   change   in   feeling   or   sharp   reaction   from   the   patient,   moving   her   gaze   from   his   leg,   to   his   face,   to   his   leg   again.   “not   to   worry,”   shreya   assured   as   she   worked,   “we   like   a   boring   patient.   it   means   that   there’s   nothing   wrong.   i   would   much   rather   have   a   boring   patient   that   survives   than   an   exciting   patient   that   can’t   be   saved.”   when   the   movements   were   finished,   she   retreated   back   onto   the   swivel   chair   and   guided   herself   towards   the   tucked - away   computer   screen   at   the   edge   of   the   clinic   room.   “has   it   been   this   bad   for   long,   or   has   the   pain   only   just   started   getting   worse ? ”

" i trust you, doctor, but please don't make me regret that. " he started thinking ahead of himself quick. maybe, if dr. holmström was unable to help him, dr. archaya could prove him wrong. maybe she would be the someone who made a discovery the other doctor hadn't yet and he would be able to play like he used to. he realized the odds of that were small, barely existing, but if he could gaslight himself into thinking otherwise ... he could cling onto that. a fragment of hope, so small, but possibly big enough for him to feel slightly less miserable mentally. " it's consistently bad. it's not swollen, only when i - " play. only when he pushes himself to his limits by playing too much. he wasn't going to admit that though, he was pretty sure he'd get scolded and he wanted to avoid that. " when i walk too much. some days i can barely bend it. gotta stretch my leg out when sitting down and all that. it's also really bad when i walk into something, or when i touch it a bit too hard. like - " he winced when she touched it, but he tried his best to suppress it. showing any signs of weakness could fuck him up, the last thing he wanted was another surgery. even though one would say he was consistently working towards one. " like that. i feel that. it's not that bad. " he doubted it should hurt as much as it did with how gentle she was being, he was just desperately trying to remain unbothered. " that's fair enough. i don't know why i assumed that the thrill is a big part of it for doctors while there is nothing more important than being able to successfully help someone. is this what you've always wanted to do ? help people ? or did something happen that made you know it was your true calling, like people in shows and movies ? " atlas was often a bit too social. he could yap away to anyone and there would be no one that could put a stop to it. especially right now, as he was trying to change the topic. which was probably hard to do, while in a doctor's office. " it's been shit for a long time. some days are worse than others, it's a bit hard to say. " he hated lying, but admitting that it was only getting worse could result in suspicion.

WE WON'T DO THIS AGAIN. it's said with such finality that it rings through kellan's mind like a headache, a noise he will certainly replay late at night, without jamie, struggling to sleep. everything's become harder on his own — enjoying a meal in the silence of his own thoughts, going to sleep with nothing but vast nothingness next to him. all the little things had been enjoyable with jamie there. since their split, all kellan does is go through the motions. « no one would believe you to be an asshole, » he argues feebly, shooting him a reassuring smile. « and don't be silly, jamie. this is ... unconventional, but i'm not uncomfortable. » how could he be, when jamie is the only place that has ever felt like home ? « i'm sure it'll be fine. your mom makes the greatest roasts. if anything this will be the best meal i've had since — » voice dies out in his throat before he dares to push the words out: since last time. « maybe ... maybe this will be good. you know. closure. » closure he's not sure he wants, but knows he needs.

" don't say that. i'm an excellent actor. " he remembered when he had actually wished to become one when he was younger. a head that was filled with fantasies, big and small, some realistic and some just ... far off dreams. things had only taken turns for the worse. which went for everything. the dreams he had for a career, the closeness he had with his siblings and the one relationship that had ever felt like destiny. like soulmates, almost, if those even existed. all of that meant nothing now. they had broken up and the flame between the two of them had died. or maybe he kept telling himself that, while it was actually still softly burning inside of his mind. no matter how hard he tried to turn it off. " will you tell me if that changes ? i don't want to keep you here when you feel any worse than you deserve to feel. " even though they broke up, he still cared loads about the other man his wellbeing. he still cared about the other man stat, too. " right. closure. wouldn't that be beautiful ? closing this chapter of our lives off with you getting your roast and with ... positive vibes. " he wasn't sure if those were there at all, but he pretended. the idea of closure made him anxious. the idea of never seeing kellan again did, too. " ... never seeing you again is going to be weird. "

a blooming feeling in their chest, light and brilliant — victor tuts in jest, raises a hand to zane’s face to hold his cheeks and conjure a pucker. “funny. i’m feeling a little crazy right now.” their hand drops, but not far; fingers rest at the top of zane’s chest, tapping at the base of his neck. “are you staying for long tonight? no one’s calling you away anytime soon?” victor asks airily, but there’s a hopeful tinge to the way their eyebrow twitches. “i can get us drinks inside. you can tell me every little thing that’s new with you, until we get tired of talking.”

" i've never considered you crazy. " this conversation hadn't been expected, but he felt lucky that it was taking place. there had been feelings he was harbouring long enough, so it was about time that they found themselves a way out. " no one's calling me away. and if someone tries, i'll either tell them no or i'll have to take you with me. " he leaned in a bit closer, not touching them, but making sure to take in their presence. " so a drink and catching up with a beautiful person ? i'd have to take you up on that offer. " he had never felt more relieved to have the next day off. " what do we do then ? when we get bored of talking ? "