𓎢𓎡 ★　 zam　 𓈒 　ash　꒱

Well here i am.

Services i offer include:

showing up at least 5 minutes late to each session

scratching my head and going "i don't knowwww" if you show me an integration problem

pacing back and forth and telling you that i'm listening but after you're done explaining what you need help with i make eye contact with you and go Huh?

scratching my head and going "i don't knowwww" if you show me a thermodynamics cycle problem

perfectly explaining the only thing you understand from the entire unit but drawling out real long "ummmmm"s for the things you don't get

looking at my phone while you're doing practice problems and if you listen really close you can hear Cut The Rope music

taking a phone call 1/4th of the way into the session and saying it'll be really quick but by the time i'm done we've got 10 minutes left

beating the everloving shit out of you if you show me a work-energy problem

calculating how much of this tutoring counts towards my required hours of community service

asking you "hey you don't mind if i eat in here right" and open mouth chewing my peanut butter and banana sandwich

stopping the session halfway through to make us do the wordle together and if we lose i sulk at my desk for the rest of our time

asking you for synonyms throughout the session and saying it's just to keep you on your toes but it becomes increasingly clear as time passes that i'm just doing the daily crossword

asking you "are you mad at me" when i get the problem we've been working on together wrong for the fifth time

discussing internet fandom drama but trying really hard to make it sound like it's NOT internet fandom drama but it's still obvious

calling for a "brain break" and pulling out a first grade coloring activity and that one big pack of crayola crayons with the sharpener on the back

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …