gently used gum for sale

dance fucker dance

just a heads up if i ever act dumb i’m joking. i’m 100% smart and know literally everything

I dream of this sort of bed-to-body ratio

Michael bublé wants to be frank Sinatra but he’s never tried to have woody Allen killed

#reblog until michael buble is forced to live up to franks good name

the most obnoxious part of the holiday season is commercials that try to sound like ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas and have a dinky xylophone playing in the background while the narrator tells you in rhyme to buy a Ford

those Spotify Wrapped ads are popping up around Chicago and could you imagine seeing a fucking billboard calling you out specifically. like, if i saw an ad that said “to the person in Chicago who listened to a playlist called ‘depwession’ for 800 hours…please call a therapist” i’d fly to Spotify HQ with the head of Ed Sheeran and declare war on their kind

bec, much like the creme brulee brownie recipe, the spotify ads are not real. they were written by advertisers. they are telling lies. writing is fake. i know this in my heart to be true because i have LOOKED for the clam meditation playlist

several things about this reply haunt me. first of all this person referred to me by first name even tho i don’t know them, my name’s not on my blog, and they don’t follow me. second of all they told me something that is almost certainly true and i am 100% galaxy brained over it. can u dm me? tell me secrets

this is so fucking shallow and gross

HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME BASED ON MY VALUES AND THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER???

Not wanting to be with someone because their views are incompatible with your own is *literally* the opposite of shallow but okay

Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

john green u nasty and ugly as hell shut the fuck up

John Green it’s okay to love dick