The "E" in Evan stands for Elastic *breaks back*

Imagine a freshly sleep deprived Duke Thomas going to a nearby store because its 1:30 AM and we're out of energy drinks . So there I was, in the snack isle minding my business when this middle aged white woman approaches me. She looks me up and down and says to me, "I see that Brucie decided to branch out."

"W-what do you mean" - me running on little to no sleep wondering what this woman wants.

"You know. People were talking about how he often goes for the same type. So its nice for him to branch out."

THIS RANDOM ASS WOMAN COMES OVER TO ME AND IMPLIED THAT BRUCE TAKING ME IN WAS A DIVERSITY STUNT.

Dick, Damian, or Bruce ?

(but also wtf anon that's such a weird question???)

Imagine a freshly sleep deprived Duke Thomas going to a nearby store because its 1:30 AM and we're out of energy drinks . So there I was, in the snack isle minding my business when this middle aged white woman approaches me. She looks me up and down and says to me, "I see that Brucie decided to branch out."

"W-what do you mean" - me running on little to no sleep wondering what this woman wants.

"You know. People were talking about how he often goes for the same type. So its nice for him to branch out."

THIS RANDOM ASS WOMAN COMES OVER TO ME AND IMPLIED THAT BRUCE TAKING ME IN WAS A DIVERSITY STUNT.

Arkham Asylum has the original version, and Edward Nygma will be mailed a physical copy within the next week.

If you wish to congratulate him, his account is: @kingofpuzzles

[OOC UNDER CUT:]

CW: death and death related stuff

We got a call to a funeral home tonight. Nbd, not the first time it's happened. Medical emergencies can happen anywhere, and occasionally you'll get a call for broken heart syndrome. But anyway, that's what we were expecting. A sick family member

As you might guess from my setup, that's not what we found.

We get to the funeral home, and there's a group of people clustered in the parlor. They're all murmuring with varied levels of panic. Usually, people cluster around the patient, so I'm kind of pushing through, looking for the center of the group. But I don't see anyone on the floor, and people are starting to point towards the casket

"What's going on?" I ask. "Where's the patient?"

They keep pointing at the casket

For a long moment, I wonder if this is worth it. Maybe I should just quit. But switching jobs is always a hassle, and somehow, being strangled by a zombie is more appealing than job hunting

I approach the casket. The deceased looks as they should: dead. But the family is still gesturing that way, so I tap the body on the shoulder. "Sir?"

I feel so stupid. This is stupid. I wonder if this is a prank

"Sir?" I repeat.

The body's eyes open. I jump, but this is probably not completely impossible. People can gasp and have reflexes after death. I've never heard of it happening so late after death, but-

The body sits up

"I..." I have no clue what to say.

The non-deceased corpse groans. Rubs their temples. "Ugh," they groan. "Where am I?"

"The... funeral home. It's your viewing."

"Again?" The patient huffs, swings their legs over the edge of the casket, and hops out. "So do you need me to sign some paperwork or something? I'm not going to the hospital."

I look at the family. They're terrified. I look back at the patient. They're tired.

"Um. Yeah. Just a few questions first"

I ask for their name. The day. The city. The president.

They pass with flying colors and sign the refusal form, and I'm driving back to the station five minutes later

PLEAD

THE

FIF

oh fuck it

CW: death and death related stuff

We got a call to a funeral home tonight. Nbd, not the first time it's happened. Medical emergencies can happen anywhere, and occasionally you'll get a call for broken heart syndrome. But anyway, that's what we were expecting. A sick family member

As you might guess from my setup, that's not what we found.

We get to the funeral home, and there's a group of people clustered in the parlor. They're all murmuring with varied levels of panic. Usually, people cluster around the patient, so I'm kind of pushing through, looking for the center of the group. But I don't see anyone on the floor, and people are starting to point towards the casket

"What's going on?" I ask. "Where's the patient?"

They keep pointing at the casket

For a long moment, I wonder if this is worth it. Maybe I should just quit. But switching jobs is always a hassle, and somehow, being strangled by a zombie is more appealing than job hunting

I approach the casket. The deceased looks as they should: dead. But the family is still gesturing that way, so I tap the body on the shoulder. "Sir?"

I feel so stupid. This is stupid. I wonder if this is a prank

"Sir?" I repeat.

The body's eyes open. I jump, but this is probably not completely impossible. People can gasp and have reflexes after death. I've never heard of it happening so late after death, but-

The body sits up

"I..." I have no clue what to say.

The non-deceased corpse groans. Rubs their temples. "Ugh," they groan. "Where am I?"

"The... funeral home. It's your viewing."

"Again?" The patient huffs, swings their legs over the edge of the casket, and hops out. "So do you need me to sign some paperwork or something? I'm not going to the hospital."

I look at the family. They're terrified. I look back at the patient. They're tired.

"Um. Yeah. Just a few questions first"

I ask for their name. The day. The city. The president.

They pass with flying colors and sign the refusal form, and I'm driving back to the station five minutes later

PLEAD

THE

FIF

oh fuck it

CW: death and death related stuff

We got a call to a funeral home tonight. Nbd, not the first time it's happened. Medical emergencies can happen anywhere, and occasionally you'll get a call for broken heart syndrome. But anyway, that's what we were expecting. A sick family member

As you might guess from my setup, that's not what we found.

We get to the funeral home, and there's a group of people clustered in the parlor. They're all murmuring with varied levels of panic. Usually, people cluster around the patient, so I'm kind of pushing through, looking for the center of the group. But I don't see anyone on the floor, and people are starting to point towards the casket

"What's going on?" I ask. "Where's the patient?"

They keep pointing at the casket

For a long moment, I wonder if this is worth it. Maybe I should just quit. But switching jobs is always a hassle, and somehow, being strangled by a zombie is more appealing than job hunting

I approach the casket. The deceased looks as they should: dead. But the family is still gesturing that way, so I tap the body on the shoulder. "Sir?"

I feel so stupid. This is stupid. I wonder if this is a prank

"Sir?" I repeat.

The body's eyes open. I jump, but this is probably not completely impossible. People can gasp and have reflexes after death. I've never heard of it happening so late after death, but-

The body sits up

"I..." I have no clue what to say.

The non-deceased corpse groans. Rubs their temples. "Ugh," they groan. "Where am I?"

"The... funeral home. It's your viewing."

"Again?" The patient huffs, swings their legs over the edge of the casket, and hops out. "So do you need me to sign some paperwork or something? I'm not going to the hospital."

I look at the family. They're terrified. I look back at the patient. They're tired.

"Um. Yeah. Just a few questions first"

I ask for their name. The day. The city. The president.

They pass with flying colors and sign the refusal form, and I'm driving back to the station five minutes later

CW: death and death related stuff

We got a call to a funeral home tonight. Nbd, not the first time it's happened. Medical emergencies can happen anywhere, and occasionally you'll get a call for broken heart syndrome. But anyway, that's what we were expecting. A sick family member

As you might guess from my setup, that's not what we found.

We get to the funeral home, and there's a group of people clustered in the parlor. They're all murmuring with varied levels of panic. Usually, people cluster around the patient, so I'm kind of pushing through, looking for the center of the group. But I don't see anyone on the floor, and people are starting to point towards the casket

"What's going on?" I ask. "Where's the patient?"

They keep pointing at the casket

For a long moment, I wonder if this is worth it. Maybe I should just quit. But switching jobs is always a hassle, and somehow, being strangled by a zombie is more appealing than job hunting

I approach the casket. The deceased looks as they should: dead. But the family is still gesturing that way, so I tap the body on the shoulder. "Sir?"

I feel so stupid. This is stupid. I wonder if this is a prank

"Sir?" I repeat.

The body's eyes open. I jump, but this is probably not completely impossible. People can gasp and have reflexes after death. I've never heard of it happening so late after death, but-

The body sits up

"I..." I have no clue what to say.

The non-deceased corpse groans. Rubs their temples. "Ugh," they groan. "Where am I?"

"The... funeral home. It's your viewing."

"Again?" The patient huffs, swings their legs over the edge of the casket, and hops out. "So do you need me to sign some paperwork or something? I'm not going to the hospital."

I look at the family. They're terrified. I look back at the patient. They're tired.

"Um. Yeah. Just a few questions first"

I ask for their name. The day. The city. The president.

They pass with flying colors and sign the refusal form, and I'm driving back to the station five minutes later

CW: death and death related stuff

We got a call to a funeral home tonight. Nbd, not the first time it's happened. Medical emergencies can happen anywhere, and occasionally you'll get a call for broken heart syndrome. But anyway, that's what we were expecting. A sick family member

As you might guess from my setup, that's not what we found.

We get to the funeral home, and there's a group of people clustered in the parlor. They're all murmuring with varied levels of panic. Usually, people cluster around the patient, so I'm kind of pushing through, looking for the center of the group. But I don't see anyone on the floor, and people are starting to point towards the casket

"What's going on?" I ask. "Where's the patient?"

They keep pointing at the casket

For a long moment, I wonder if this is worth it. Maybe I should just quit. But switching jobs is always a hassle, and somehow, being strangled by a zombie is more appealing than job hunting

I approach the casket. The deceased looks as they should: dead. But the family is still gesturing that way, so I tap the body on the shoulder. "Sir?"

I feel so stupid. This is stupid. I wonder if this is a prank

"Sir?" I repeat.

The body's eyes open. I jump, but this is probably not completely impossible. People can gasp and have reflexes after death. I've never heard of it happening so late after death, but-

The body sits up

"I..." I have no clue what to say.

The non-deceased corpse groans. Rubs their temples. "Ugh," they groan. "Where am I?"

"The... funeral home. It's your viewing."

"Again?" The patient huffs, swings their legs over the edge of the casket, and hops out. "So do you need me to sign some paperwork or something? I'm not going to the hospital."

I look at the family. They're terrified. I look back at the patient. They're tired.

"Um. Yeah. Just a few questions first"

I ask for their name. The day. The city. The president.

They pass with flying colors and sign the refusal form, and I'm driving back to the station five minutes later