everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Where's that tweet about how American chants are "let's go [team name] and some other country (Irish?) fans are "I've made up a song about the other team's drinking problem to the tune of London Bridge Is Falling Down one two three"?

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

well that’s probably not releasing any trapped spirits. should be fine

Baelor lives AU where Baelor doesn't suffer any permanent health issues either is very entertaining to me cause personally I'm quite certain Maekar would not utter a single apology for bludgeoning him like that unless there are serious consequences. Like I know from the fanfics that everyone expects he'd drop the grumpy brat act and be so sweet and kind to Baelor but like me personally I think as soon as the maester tells him Baelor will be fine he'll become even bitchier.

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

Dearest Samantha, I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this "Karen" continues to antagonize your brother, I would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks. Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterey bay research aquarium