holy is the mouth that bleeds

life gets better when you realise you can write the most vile, irredeemable, perverse fiction ever and no one can stop you

My biggest kink is someone telling me I was right and saying sorry after.

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

The idea that Sidney Crosby is extremely wealthy is so funny to me. This guy? This fucking guy? With his old ass jock strap and his hat that looks like it’s covered in cum stains? You do not need to pay Sid to play hockey, he will show up for free. The man just wants to buy pants that fit over his huge ass, bake banana bread, and play hockey because it’s fun :)