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In our relationship I am the one with the higher libido. Sometimes it was difficult because his dick is a bit on the smaller side and he just does not have the staying power. I am the one who brought up chastity to him. I know this isn't usually the way it goes but I was looking for some new porn for my "private time" when I saw some videos of men wearing these cages and being unlocked and teased. The idea was kind of, well, not hot but interesting enough to ask my husband to try it.

After going through a few different cages we found one that he could wear 24/7. We already had a strapon that he would wear once in a while, but after he got comfortable with his cage I asked him to wear it every time we fucked. While he was very good at going down on me, our new arrangement made him more passionate and more endowed, and he was able to give me the good hard fuck that I really wanted.

Essentially, just like your captions I kept him denied and horny and replaced his dick with a much nicer one. 😈

After a couple of months I began seriously wondering about how it would be to keep him permanently caged or at least for really long times. He wasn't happy about the idea (not surprised) but we kept talking about it and eventually we came to an arrangement. He had to stay caged, but once every week or two I would unlock him and let him come however he wanted, from my hands, mouth, rubbing himself on me or whatever. The only rules were that I had the final decision to unlock him, and that my pussy would be off limits and was reserved for his strapon dick.

We have been doing this for about two years. I have slowly got him down to only being unlocked once a month and now I get to choose how he comes. Sometimes I give him a long teasing hand job, sometimes I let him rub his dick on me (he likes my ass lol) and sometimes I make him do it himself while I watch and give instructions. I have figured out that I don't care about the denial but I do love having the control. That's why I won't give this up. Well, that and the big dick I make him wear!

He was okay with this arrangement for a while but lately he has been saying that he misses being inside me. I like to remind him that now I'm used to much bigger and longer lasting that it would be selfish of him to even ask. I want to say that I do not feel the least bit guilty. He really does enjoy our arrangement, and he knows why I've decided to continue it. But I wonder how you deal when your husband tells you that he misses being inside you or wants to be unlocked?

Thanks for a great blog and sounding board!

Rita

Hi Rita.. . I'm sorry that it took so long to get to this... You have an interesting story... most of the stories I hear seem to be men with higher libido and a kinky mind who try to convince their wives to lock them up. And most of the women I've chatted with don't like their men to look at porn lol.

The idea of guilt comes up a lot in the questions that I get. I think it's normal, especially at first... after all, most of us are socialized to think about sex being a mutual pleasure. One sided pleasure is almost always seen as something a woman does for a man. Think about it... we often see scenes in movies where it is implied that a woman gives her man some oral, but when do we ever see it implied that the man does the same for the woman? The woman being the focus of the sexual pleasure just isn't something we see portrayed so it's normal to wonder at some point if it's "okay" to be that way.

I remember in our chats you said that your husband had a much lower libido but since you caged him it seems to have increased. It's possible that he was... taking care of things himself, and now he can't. Or maybe he has more interest because men want what they can't have. Either way this works out better for you, doesn't it? 😂

You set the rules for your no-penetration marriage, which means that at some point you can also change them if you want. Obviously you should be talking to your husband about it, because you may find that his input will help you feel less guilty. I mean, if he discovers that he is satisfied with your intimate life, then you will probably feel a lot more comfortable keeping him denied. And if he is not satisfied, then maybe more frequent orgasms might help him become more accepting. And as you've said, for you it's less about the denial or being locked and more about the control... so you may find that you're comfortable giving him more orgasms in exchange for making yourself off limits.

My husband has never asked to be unlocked... except before we go to the airport or if he's going on a long bike ride, of course. But in all the years I've had him locked, and especially in the past 8, he has never begged or suggested or even hinted. I know it's hard for him because I see it in his face but he also likes the challenge.

It doesn't mean that I didn't feel guilty, because sometimes I did. That's one of the reasons why we took breaks from it (this was years ago).

I think that I stopped feeling guilty just from doing this for so long. Can I deny him a month? Two months? 3 months? 6 months? Each time going just one more month helped me to get used to it, and see that our marriage isn't suffering, our relationship is still good (it actually got better!), and that none of his parts fell off.

Even after all these years he still misses my touch and being inside me, but instead of feeling guilty that makes me feel desired and loved. Honestly I'd be worried if he said he didn't miss me because then I'd feel like he didn't care, if that makes sense. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've enjoyed our chats, and I'm sorry that it took so long for me to answer this. I hope you write again to tell us how things are going with you and your new arrangement.

My husband and I are in our early 50s. We have a good marriage and our sex life was fun. We tried all those bondage and dressing up things, and my husband bought a few different cock cages. And that's how the weird "be careful what you wish for" things started lol.

Last year he wanted to do Loctober. But I was never a fan of keeping him locked up for more than a few days. Even though coming from PIV was hit or miss for me, I did like to feel connected to him. But worse, he bought this huge Vixskin Cash and told me that going for a month would be fine because he would just wear that. I was so angry! First he spent like $150 without even talking to me about it. Second, the toy he bought is huge - like a monster! I was so upset that I barely talked to him for a week.

I left him locked but by the end of the week I cooled off enough and curiousity got the better of me. I asked him to put on the Vixskin so we could try it out. It didn't hurt but it was a bit uncomfortable, probably because I had never been stretched like that in my life. I used a lot of lube and made him go very slowly. I didn't orgasm then but it made me excited enough to want to try it again a few days later... and I had a deep and satisfying orgasm. So that weekend I made him wear it a few more times and each time seemed better than the last.

I was still mad at my husband for buying this expensive toy and just assuming that I would just do Loctober for him, but I was also enjoying myself. Not only did he spend the rest of the month locked I made him go almost all of November just to teach him a lesson.

And here's where things took a "be careful what you wish for" turn. A few days after Thanksgiving, we were using my new boyfriend (as I had taken to call it lol), I unlocked him and told him his sentence was over and that he could have a turn. It was a disappointing experience because I couldn't even feel him inside me. Worse, he was so sensitive that he finished in less than two minutes! We talked about how two months was probably too long but I asked him to lock back up again and that we would try again in a few days.

A few days later I unlocked him and we made love and while I could feel him, I didn't get excited enough to orgasm. He finished feeling a little disappointed. I teasingly suggested that he put on his harness and use my new boyfriend, which he did and gave me an orgasm. We cuddled for a bit and I told him to put his cage back on. I could sense that he was disappointed but he just kept quiet.

Since then, we have made love about two or sometimes three times a week. I have him wear my new Vixskin boyfriend, since that seems to be the only way I can regularly orgasm now. Once a week, I allow him to unlock and to have me after I'm finished. He comes quickly, and I make him lock back up right away. I learned that from reading your blog!

So now it has been a couple of months like this and my husband is starting to freak out that I am enjoying the new Vixskin boyfriend "too much" and that he no longer gives me pleasure. He has asked if I would consider not using the boyfriend for a while, but I told him that now that I'm used to it, it is really working out better for me, and besides, it was his idea in the first place. I have also told him that the few times I allowed him to finish in me before wearing the boyfriend that he doesn't seem as excited, so that's why I make sure that he takes care of me first.

I want to assure you that we have an otherwise strong marriage. I am enjoying the power and control that I have over him now, which I hadn't expected. Also, while I thought that I would miss feeling "him" inside me, I'm finding that I'm oddly okay with the "boyfriend" experience and that allowing him an orgasm is enough to make me feel connected. And this past weekend I did not allow him inside me, but finished him with my hands instead. And now I'm freaking out myself that I might be okay with NP 😂😂😂

Obviously we are going to have to work some things out, but as I told you privately, this started out like I felt like I needed to teach him a lesson, and now we appear to be headed to a NP (no penetration) relationship.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. Maybe some of your readers will have some insights.

💜 Tina

Hi Tina! Thank you for sharing your story with me. It amazes me that just a few years ago I never even heard about marriages like mine, and now I'm hearing from all these women who are enjoying some aspect of this... locked or denied or "no penetration." While I never considered what my husband and I do to be "No penetration," I guess we really are... or at least I guess he is! 😅

You messaged me privately about this, but I'm just going to mention that I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. First, it's normal to feel a little guilty at first about denying your husband, and especially in such an extreme way. We all have this expectation that there should be sex in our marriage, but I think that most women grow up thinking that sex just means penis, vagina, and intercourse. It sounds like you and your husband are having a lot of sex - just not the PIV kind... or at least not his P... and that you have a close relationship. In my opinion that already puts you ahead of most couples. A lot of the women that I have chatted with on here become more comfortable with this the longer it goes on.

And I think it's also normal to have mixed feelings about enjoying his "replacement"... especially if it's much larger than he is. You told me that it really caught you by surprise at how much you enjoyed it, and that you feel badly because you think your husband feels that he can't measure up to that. You are right of course... I looked it up and the Cash is huge! Of course he can't measure up to that. But when you think about it, it's kind of like not being able to measure up to a vibrator... our husbands are not machines. You wouldn't feel guilty that he couldn't vibrate like a magic wand.

But I think it's also important for the both of you to remember that it's him using it. That's what keeps me grounded in our relationship... my husband is wearing the Ranger for me, it's his body, his touch, his smell, his moaning. And I know in my heart that what he really, really wants is to give me the most pleasure possible... so even though he knows that the Ranger is bigger, he just mentally deals with it because he knows that it's what I want. I do not want my husband to feel demeaned or humiliated, I want him to feel strong and capable and appreciated that he is making that kind of sacrifice for me.

I think that your husband maybe didn't quite imagine the effect that your new "boyfriend" would have (men usually don't think with their big brains about this kind of stuff), and is suddenly being faced with what the future of your... or at least his... sex life would look like in the future and it's freaking him out. It's okay, though... this is new for both of you. And you don't have to make a decision right now to make this a "no penetration" marriage. In fact, you're in charge so you can change your mind whenever you want. Obviously you will need to talk things over with him, but from what you've told me he sounds like he wants to be a good husband for you and would go along with what you want.

Thank you again for writing it all out, and I wish you the best of luck with this. Please let me know how you are doing.