Gonzo The Fine

I hate the combination of society's incredibly sexual view of women's bodies and the view of trans women as perverts. It means every thought I have about something I want out of my transition (beyond hair, clothes and make-up) makes me spiral into thinking that I am not in fact a woman and I am instead just a perverse man. I do know these thoughts are wrong though, transitioning is not a sexual thing for me even if it would make me more comfortable with such things. I am not a pervert for wanting to be a woman! Being a woman is not inherently sexual! I want boobs!! I want an ass!!!!!

The thought of transitioning being an opposite to suicide has really been stuck in my head the last few days; I think it's a really beautiful idea. Suicide is choosing to un-become yourself and transitioning is choosing to become yourself. Upsetting.

I feel like a scalene

I don't think that everything's going to get better or worse I think everything's going to stay as the same mundane shit I've always trudged through and all that will change is that I'll get heavier and slower and older and more and more tired

The Planes, Trains and Automobiles "cause I'm the real article" speech has really stuck with me, and as much as I find doing affirmations in the mirror to myself corny, it does genuinely pep me up remembering it. I've always been very bad at not acting like myself, but I've also always been very good at making friends. It's comforting to think that these people like me genuinely for who I am because I am the real article; what you see is what you get.