God's Doctor Who

aesthetics for the entities, part i.   bold what applies to your muse, italics what applies situationally or only in certain verses. rest of the fears here.  this is based on a horror podcast; potentially triggering and / or upsetting content ahead!    ( repost, don’t reblog! )

i.  the buried.   weighed blankets.  drowning.  the comfort of a loved one’s weight.  soil and sand piling on top of you.  hugging so hard it hurts a little.  cramped hiding spots.  letting out air underwater to sink to the bottom of the pool.  walls pressing in on you. not moving from a position even though you’re cramping a little.  dragging the last second before you have to inhale.  lonely subways. feeling like one with the earth.  a layer of dirt on you. looking for something below.  cardboard boxes and tiny pillow forts. hands calloused from digging. knowing that your purpose is just below the surface.  entering your final resting place before it kills you.  a storm drowning you out. dust and sand speaking to you.

ii.  the corruption. insects.  a close imitation of the natural course of life.  an illness in a community.  a rag that dirties more than it cleans.  an untreated wound.  containment.  breaching containment.  unbreathable air.  fungi.  one with that you love.  one with what loves you.  a corpse unfit for a glass case.  hearing a song in the sound of tiny wings and legs.  honeycomb patterns.  an ecosystem within a person.  a curse passed on. the hubris of a scientist.  an ugly death where a glorious one is owed.  blood on a handkerchief.  parasites.  something pushing up the sewer.  a mask to keep something out.  trypophobia.  knowing you belong.  death weeks after impact.  fever.  food that’s gone off.  pandora’s box.  death behind a glass.

iii.  the dark.   shadows.  lights that turn off by themselves.  the feel of cold marble.  a beaked creature in the night.  the difference between seeing darkness and seeing nothing.  touch of something you can’t see.  hiding under a blanket.  white, clouded eyes.  months without going outside during sunlight.  pouring dark.  unscrewing lightbulbs.  black matter.  light sensitivity.  a starless night.  time before light was created.  a shadow on the wall without a body to attach to.  withering plants.  a world without a sun.  footfalls in an empty house in the night.  a light that doesn’t reach as far as it should.  desperate reach for a flashlight.  clothes that hide your shape.  staying unperceivable.  winter months in the north.  an empty church.

iv.  the desolation.   senseless pain. warmth of faith.  wax where skin should be.  a blazing fire.  heat without a source.  the third or fourth tragedy in the family.  losing everything you’ve ever held dear.  so much to live for, gone so soon.  the smell of gasoline.  touch that scars.  coffee cup that never goes cold. scorch marks on wood.  inescapably warm air.  a child born in fire. death of a loved one.  a candle without a flame.  an altar in the middle of the woods.  animals with burnt fur.  plastic explosives.  burning hot metal.  sweating in an interrogation room.  never touching a loved one.  disfigurement.  a kiss that ruins you. the scent of burning fat.  a tattoo that terrifies its viewer.  the agony of hellfire displayed as art.  auburn hair.  little clothing in cold weather.  a ripple in the air.  trying to cool down in vain.

v.  the flesh.   body horror.  factories.  a hunger for something more filling.  never quite happy with how you look.  the terror of an animal waiting for slaughter.  a very good meal.  the liquid of a perfect steak. fighting your worst survival instincts.  a twisted bone.  long nights working out.  more than one heart.  appearance that shapes like clay.  a bag of bones.  bone broth in a pot.  knowing to fear pigs.  the butcher’s shop.  plastic surgery.  something alien inside your body.  a hunger in the gaze laid upon you.  unwitting cannibalism.  forgetting what you used to look like.  being admired for your appearance and appearance only.  teeth marks on skin.  scars from wounds that should’ve killed you.  cooking in scarcity.  fenced in with one way to go.

vi.  the end.   the last page of a book.  nightmares that don’t feel like nightmares. a skeletal hand.  the grip of the grim reaper around your throat.  existential pain.  ivory dice.  flatlining in a hospital.  gambling with death.  as old as the universe.  soul and spirit tied to an object.  a dream where you die. closing your eyes for the last time.  the plead of a dying one. knowing the fate of someone you know and being unable to prevent it. a thousand cords tugging you towards your end.  skin that’s freezing to the touch.  an act of desperation.  someone’s life for yours.  an eternity spent alive.  the cost of your selfishness.  watching your own burial.  causing your own burial. the smell of death.  numbness to fear. words from someone gone.  meaninglessness of the actions or lives of single people in the universe. multiple near-death experiences you refuse to die from.

{  Larna }

{ Patience }

{ Patience }

bold what definitely applies to your muse. italicize what somewhat applies to your muse.  ( repost, don’t reblog! )

ARIES : tries to do everything at once, doesn’t know when to stop and take care of themselves, bends over backwards for everyone even if someone did them dirty, has entirely too much on their plate.

TAURUS : idealistic, spends a lot of time trying to impress others, doesn’t like to apologize, eating is a coping mechanism or just addictive personalities in general, a tad codependent.

GEMINI : the most flip floppy people ever, what’s today’s mood?, never apologizes, in denial 90% of the time, their way is the highway, desperately needs a break, they have a hard time setting goals because their goals scare them.

CANCER : the literal meaning of I’ll give you the shirt off my back, isolates themselves in fear of someone hurting them, wants to change but is scared of change, complains a lot but never takes advice people give them.

LEO : no one takes them seriously because they feel they always have to portray themselves as the fun one, is actually really sad inside, honestly needs a hug, exhausted always.

VIRGO : can dish it but can’t take it, rushes everything, anxious, plans their future but forgets to live in the moment, sometimes ignores their friends because they have so much on their mind, talks about themselves a lot and sometimes forgets to ask the other person how they are.

LIBRA : solves everyone’s problems but their own, is actually really sad and lonely, gets easily heartbroken but tries not to show it, will do anything to justify bad decisions, honestly just wants everyone to love them but doesn’t really love themselves.

SCORPIO : easily set off, will give anyone the cold shoulder at any time even without reason, keeps a lot in, so observant that they oftentimes find out things that hurt them, too many “what ifs” swirling in their heads, has trouble showing their true selves.

SAGITTARIUS : impatient, brash, commitment issues, body issues, doesn’t realize they don’t need to change for anyone, has a lot of different goals to a point where they get overwhelmed, just wants to disappear and do what they want without anyone questioning them.

CAPRICORN : scared people won’t like them unless they’re at the top of their game 24/7, takes a LOT for them to talk about their feelings, secretly struggling, fake happy, needs a plan but doesn’t know what that plan is, confident but insecure at the same time, wants to be stable but sometimes wishes they could drop everyone’s expectations of them and live normally.

AQUARIUS : gets heartbroken like 30 times a week, trust issues, can be unmotivated and disinterested, feels they have to adapt to every person they meet so they can be liked, doesn’t know how to tap into their emotions despite being very intuitive, confused, expects little.

{ Larna }

Bold what applies to your muse.  ( repost, don’t reblog! )

𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉 -   melancholy at best , introspective , severely misunderstood , pleasure in the subdued , helping in your own way , dreams in poetry , the slowness of falling asleep , refreshing meditation .

𝙎𝙐𝙉 -     sunbleached clothes , futures that are too bright , everything at arm’s length , balancing intensity , blind encouragement , comfort of sleep , distracting sunspots in your vision , necessity of growth .

𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙈 -     chaos with a purpose , emotions running high , natural comfortable anarchy , high volume , leaving your mark , brief flashes of violence , rambling quickly , the intensity of desire .

𝙒𝙄𝙉𝘿 -   running towards instead of away , instinctive motivation , making an impact , knows everyone who knows anyone , playful pranks , mood swings in a split second , collecting old trinkets , uncontrollable focus .

{ Darvill Master }

Bold what applies to your muse.  ( repost, don’t reblog! )

𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉 -   melancholy at best , introspective , severely misunderstood , pleasure in the subdued , helping in your own way , dreams in poetry , the slowness of falling asleep , refreshing meditation .

𝙎𝙐𝙉 -     sunbleached clothes , futures that are too bright , everything at arm’s length , balancing intensity , blind encouragement , comfort of sleep , distracting sunspots in your vision , necessity of growth .

𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙈 -     chaos with a purpose , emotions running high , natural comfortable anarchy , high volume , leaving your mark , brief flashes of violence , rambling quickly , the intensity of desire .

𝙒𝙄𝙉𝘿 -   running towards instead of away , instinctive motivation , making an impact , knows everyone who knows anyone , playful pranks , mood swings in a split second , collecting old trinkets , uncontrollable focus .

Bold what applies to your muse.  ( repost, don’t reblog! )

𝙍𝘼𝙄𝙉 -   melancholy at best , introspective , severely misunderstood , pleasure in the subdued , helping in your own way , dreams in poetry , the slowness of falling asleep , refreshing meditation .

𝙎𝙐𝙉 -     sunbleached clothes , futures that are too bright , everything at arm’s length , balancing intensity , blind encouragement , comfort of sleep , distracting sunspots in your vision , necessity of growth .

𝙎𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙈 -     chaos with a purpose , emotions running high , natural comfortable anarchy , high volume , leaving your mark , brief flashes of violence , rambling quickly , the intensity of desire .

𝙒𝙄𝙉𝘿 -   running towards instead of away , instinctive motivation , making an impact , knows everyone who knows anyone , playful pranks , mood swings in a split second , collecting old trinkets , uncontrollable focus .

“Oh, it’s no problem, really.” Helen sat next to the blonde, a folder in her arms. “We’ve all been quite busy here as well.” A short sigh while the folder is placed on the table. “I haven’t practiced at all since last time you helped me either. Wouldn’t know who to practice with either. Maybe the cat. Are cats telepathic?”

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒  𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄,  collide  &  splinter  like  fragments  of  meteorites  ;  synapses  bursting,  neurons  alight  with  solar  flares.  Nimble  fingers  dancing  haphazardly  across  wires  &  loose  panelling,  a  channel  for  the  endless  chaos,  distracted  only  by  a  presence  at  his  side.  Gaze  flickering  towards  her,  ❛ Oh,  I  didn't  want  to  wake  you  up. ❜  Then,  a  pause,  faint  frown  tugging  at  his  expression.  ❛ I  didn’t,  did  I? ❜

“Of course not, dear.” She assured him with a shake of her head, smiling at him softly, “I’m not one of your humans, remember? I don’t need to sleep for nearly as long as they do.”

He was tinkering, as usual, when she found him, trying to fix something or update something under the console. The floor was cold against her bare legs as she sat beside him, clad only in one of his spare shirts, setting a fresh cup of tea beside him.

FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, HE SOUGHT TO AVOID HER GAZE.

“Now now, Tegan - I’m almost completely sure we’re in London. That’s close enough, isn’t it?”

AN OPTIMISTIC SMILE GRACED HIS FACE, AN ATTEMPT ON HIS PART TO DISTRACT HER FROM WHAT WAS TO COME.

“Granted, it appears to be London during the 1920s, but you can’t fault the old girl this time, can you? She certainly tried her best.”

“Close enough?” She raised an eyebrow, “Doctor, if you were in my shoes, would you settle for close enough? Honestly, if this is her best... you know, sometimes I think this machine of yours doesn’t actually want me to leave.”

“I won’t let that happen to me. I’ll sooner die from old age than by the hands of the Master or any of my other adversaries. I can promise you that.” A soft chuckle came from him, his eyes dimming a little bit. He simply wanted to assure his granddaughter that he would be completely fine. He was the “king of ok” after all. “That’s the issue with regeneration. One can never be sure what the next one will hold…I wish I could say that these last few regenerations haven’t been as battle ready but I spent a lot of time in that war and I think it’s affected me for the long term.” He sighed heavily, his lips curling inward before speaking again. “I try not to travel alone these days because I know what may happen if I do. I’ve become rather unpredictable. I mean, I know I’ve always been but now it seems considerably more dangerous.” 

“You say that like dying of old age is somehow objectively worse than most other ways you could go. I would love to die of old age, it sounds way more pleasant than getting ex-ter-min-ated.” She laughed slightly, imitating the voice of a Dalek. She took after him in that regard, determined that if she smiled and joked about something it made it less distressing and horrible.

“It’s so hard to let go of.” She agreed, a slight frown marring her features, “I dream about it all the time. Things I could have done better or should have done differently so that maybe I could have saved someone...”

LOVERS. HE HADN’T HEARD THAT TERM IN SUCH A CONTEXT FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

HIS LIFE ON GALLIFREY COULD HAVE BEEN EASILY CLASSED AS ANOTHER EXISTENCE; IT HAD BEEN SO LONG SINCE HE HAD LIVED AS A MARRIED MAN. He had been a husband and a father, and for a great many years, that alone had sustained him, however strong his grievances with Gallifrey’s figures of authority might have been.

AS HE HIMSELF HAD ONCE TOLD BEN AND POLLY, HOWEVER, LIFE DEPENDED ON CHANGE. Things were never going to remain so amicable, that he had learned to understand in the decades since he’d fled. Of course, little did he know that he had left Patience to face such hardship on her own - if he had, perhaps the two of them might have escaped together. A part of him, he supposed, was to blame for what she had endured.

HE SIGHED. GUILT HAD BEEN AN EMOTION HE HAD ALWAYS STRUGGLED TO SUBDUE.

“Oh, no, no, I wasn’t expecting anything of the sort.” He remarked, his eyes drifting between Patience, then the floor, then Patience again as he shifted on his feet. It was evident a hint of awkwardness had decided to settle in, “Yes, I suppose it would be rather nice to catch up - running into a familiar face must be a relief for you…even if it’s not quite the one you recognise…”

A PAUSE FOLLOWED, BEFORE HE EXHALED, HIS LIMBS NOTICEABLY RELAXING.

“Did you have a particular destination in mind?”

“The familiarity of your face is not really what matters. I always recognize you by what is behind it.” She informed him fondly. Even at the beginning of this new existence, at the beginning of his first new life when he had been a small boy, all blond curls and soft blue eyes, so different from the man she’d known and loved for hundreds of thousands of years, she had recognized him still, like some tiny voice called out to her from deep within his re-loomed mind, begging her to see him. And see him she did. A little different each time, but still him in all the ways that mattered.