by Nima Tayebian

This post is about my opinions and experiences. It’s not fact. If alter roles help you, cool, go ahead! 

But it’s totally fine to not have or need or want alter roles. It’s fine to have parts that don’t fit any of the “roles” floating around on tumblr.

The only “roles” we have is what we discuss in therapy - but that’s not roles, that’s functions of parts. 

Calling it a role makes me feel Many Yikes. Calling it a role makes it feel like a mold that the part needs to fit in. “You’re a protector, so you have to be XYZ.” That leaves very little room for parts to change and develop themselves.

Please, if you ever feel “everyone on tumblr’s talking about alter roles, so I’ll just go along with it” - don’t. It’s okay. You’re okay. No matter how many “this is a list of all alter roles”-posts you see: there are always more functions of alters, because everyone’s system is unique, trauma creates highly specific and unique parts. Even if someone lists “15 kinds of protectors”, chances are there your protector-like parts don’t fit in there. It’s okay.

Bottom line: DID (and OSDD) is a highly complex disorder and trying to put the parts into roles makes me feel confused and complex things. Please just be careful and trust your gut. Again, if it helps you, that’s fine. Personally we prefer looking at parts as they are, not labeling them. 

Just… remember that the way DID is shown on tumblr is not wrong, but it is incomplete. I often don’t relate to many things (some things I don’t relate to or agree with: always clear communication, always knowing who’s out, fronting schedules, extremely specific/limiting alter roles, highly specific alter lists on blogs including triggers etc.). 

If you have any questions about this - want to know more about how we see things or share something about your own experience - feel free to send us an ask. 

We like to look at “alter roles” as vague descriptions, and perhaps that’ll be a useful viewpoint to someone else as well. Alters tend to be fluid, just like people are, and we find it uncomfortable to be shoved into rigid, unrelenting boxes. However, we still find “alter types” helpful.

For instance, if someone is the “host,” they’re simply fronting the most. Other alters might be able to be the host, and if they do host, then they can claim that label. Some alters who front very often claim the “host” label even if they haven’t fronted recently. And that’s okay.

What’s important is that each alter is comfortable with their labels and chooses them themselves. Other alters can suggest labels, but if the alter doesn’t like it, the label doesn’t stick.

Another example. We have one alter who claims to be a “persecutor.” He certainly has the tendencies of one and most of the system agrees with his assessment. We have another alter who sometimes does things that tumblr would argue makes him a “persecutor.” That alter, however, is largely not regarded as a “persecutor” by the system because they don’t agree with that label. Furthermore, having that label attached to them would be traumatic for him, so we ask that he watches those tendencies but we don’t call him a “persecutor” for them. It would be counterproductive to do so.

The difference is that one alter chose that label and the other didn’t. We also encourage everyone to find their function rather than their label. By function I mean what their defining characteristics are, how they relate to the system’s past, and what would / wouldn’t help them move forward. Sometimes that’s too much, and the question becomes what do they need right now to help them.

If an alter does want a label, it doesn’t have to stick forever, either. An alter who wants a break from being the host doesn’t mean they can never be the host again. An alter who is a persecutor can grow into a protector, or something else entirely. You can have alters that fit no label but still have a function in the system, and that’s perfectly fine. You don’t need a label to justify your existence. Your system needed you, and that’s enough.

Alters are parts of a whole and the feelings of one influence the others. If one alter hates someone important to you, sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not completely isolated from that feeling, and you probably have some feeling or thought that lends credence to the bad behavior.