It's all just a joke

I woke up.

God, it's like fiberglass in my eyes.

God, it's like cardboard cuts under the nails.

God, i fucking get it.

I wish I didn't get it.

Sometimes, people think they love you and maybe they even believe it. But I get it now. You can love someone and not even like them. How wretched. How messy. Maybe we are made in God's image, after all.

I mean, how could he like himself after everything he's done? How could he not love himself when faced with the reflection in the eyes of his Son?

I'm dusting off my tongue. Polishing the rust off my collarbones. I'm figuring out where the mirror ends and the flesh begins and the value in these veins.

How could I keep spilling it for you?

How could you let me?

I woke up, and I learned how to see ghosts in the people I want to love. I am exorcising those hauntings. Fuck, it hurts. It's going to hurt. I don't think it ever stops hurting. But there's space for that hurt in the skin and in the glass and in my bones and in the past and I will hold.

I grew a forest, planted flowers I grew a forest, invited the animals I found out everything from everyone, asked around Moisture for the petals and strength for the roots

But is this what you asked for? (Is this what you asked for?) Is this what you asked for?

I wanted it so much You didn’t ask for this, but I wanted it so much You didn’t ask for this, but I wanted it so much You didn’t ask for this, but I wanted it so much

I like how it turned out Too bad it ended up this way Take it as a keepsake and leave me something At least something

Because I asked for it so much Because I asked for it so much Because I asked for it so much (You didn’t want this, you didn’t want this) (You didn’t want this, you didn’t want this)