Thank you google, very informative
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me


titsay
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@gmbeowulf
Thank you google, very informative

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Ways I Show a Character is Emotionally Burned Out (Before They Even Realize It Themselves)
I love writing characters who think they’re fine but are actually walking emotional house fires with bad coping mechanisms.
They stop doing the things they used to love and don’t even notice. Their guitar gathers dust. Their favorite podcast becomes background noise. Their hobbies feel like homework now.
They pick the path of least resistance every time, even when it hurts them. No, they don’t want to go to that thing. No, they don’t want to talk to that person. But whatever’s easier. That’s the motto now.
They’re tired but can’t sleep. Or they sleep but wake up more tired. Classic burnout move: lying in bed with their brain racing like a toddler on espresso.
They give other people emotional advice they refuse to take themselves. “You have to set boundaries!” they say—while ignoring 8 texts from someone they should’ve cut off three emotional breakdowns ago.
They cry at something stupidly small. Like spilling soup. Or a dog in a commercial. Or losing their pen. The soup is never just soup.
They say “I’m just tired” like it’s a personality trait now. And not like… emotionally drained to the bone but afraid to admit it out loud.
They ghost people they love, not out of malice, but because even replying feels like too much. Social battery? Absolutely obliterated. Texting back feels like filing taxes.
They stop reacting to big things. Catastrophes get a blank stare. Disasters feel like “just another Tuesday.” The well of feeling is running dry.
They avoid being alone with their own thoughts. Constant noise. TV always on. Music blasting. Because silence = reckoning, and reckoning is terrifying.
They start hoping something will force them to stop. An accident. A missed deadline. Someone else finally telling them, “You need a break.” Because asking for help? Unthinkable.
I don’t think it’s right for you to be asexual and married. It just doesn’t seem fair to your husband. He didn’t sign up to be in a sexless marriage? How do you make sure his needs are still met?
i trapped him in a jar like he’s a little bug and i throw some non-sexual intimacy in every once and a while so he has enrichment in his enclosure
actually you know what, i have more to say about this.
i’ve identified as bisexual for a really long time. like it was one of the first things i told jp (my husband) when we started dating long time. jp has never had a problem with my queerness. but when we started dating in january of 2018, i didn’t have all of the orientation pieces. so i had sex. and i had sex because i thought that’s what i was supposed to do. and i cannot stress enough how consensual all of the sex was. but it didn’t feel fantastic like i was told it would. i didn’t think about it as much as i was supposed to. there was no bliss. my toes didn’t curl and my eyes didn’t roll to the back of my head. i just didn’t enjoy it. and i thought not enjoying it meant there was something wrong with me. and since it was a me thing, and not anyone’s fault, i had sex. i just pretended that i liked it the way that society told me i should.
so me and my husband had sex because it was something he wanted and i didn’t mind doing.
but this past year i realized and came to terms with the fact my disinterest in sex wasn’t a nerve problem like my gynecologist said or trauma based like an old therapist said or any other explanation offered to me by anyone from friends to medical professionals. my disinterest in sex was because because i don’t experience that kind of attraction.
and when i finally figured it out i was kinda devastated. because i was faced with either a) continuing to pretend to enjoy it, or b) coming out to jp. i knew he wouldn’t take it badly because i love and trust him, but i can know something is true and still not believe it. so i was scared but decided to come out even though the thought literally made me sick. i cried and apologized and told him how horrible i felt that i “lied” to him for years and how terrified i was that he was going to think i wasn’t attracted to him anymore or that i wasn’t ever attracted to him in the first place. i had to tell a man that i’d been having sex with for years that i didn’t want to anymore. that i didn’t enjoy it. that i’d never enjoyed it. that i didn’t know if i’d ever want to have sex again.
and do you all want to know what his response was?
he asked if he’d ever hurt me. and then he asked what my boundaries are. and then he thanked me for telling him. and then he said he married me because he loved me, not because i’d fuck him.
so me and my husband used to have sex. and now we don’t because six years into our relationship i realized i was aspec. and we haven’t had sex since i came out to him. he hasn’t even tried, even though i told him that i didn’t mind having sex, just that he would have to be the one to bring it up because i don’t ever think about it. but he hasn’t brought it up. not once. because he knows it’s about like going to the pharmacy for me.
so my husband doesn’t have sex with me because he loves me. because he cares about me. because he wants me to be happy. because when he asked me to go on that very first date it was because he thought i was smart and enthusiastic and funny and “lovely.” because he knew he was in it for the long haul when he watched me shotgun a red bull in a harbor freight parking lot at 7:30 pm on a thursday.
that’s kind of what marriage is about. the whole loving and wanting to take care of and cherishing your significant other thing. sex has never been a big part of the equation.
jp stayed with me the first six months of my sobriety. he stayed even though one time i had three tequila shots too many and yarffed all over him. and then again in his floorboards. he stayed when my grief made me shut down and shut out and for over a year. he stayed with me when that grief made me so depressed i’d spend days at a time just staring at a wall. or hours and hours reading fanfic so the only thoughts i had in my head belonged to someone else. he stayed even though i don’t remember most of 2023. he’s stayed through every good thing and bad thing and in between thing and literally every single think for the past nearly seven years.
so i highly doubt not “putting out” is gonna be the thing that makes him leave.
Every marriage ends one of three ways:
1) you divorce
2) one of you dies tragically young
3) you get old enough together that you either can't have sex, or find it to be more of a to-do than it's worth.
Sex is not the be-all end-all. In fact if you're lucky enough to live long enough with the person or people you love enough, eventually you'll find that more than anything what you want to do is sit on the couch and hold hands.
Some people just do it younger than others, is all.
That's...reductive. "If you can't handle a sexless marriage at any point for any reason, it's because you don't love them enough." Sex isn't the be-all-end-all, but it's not nothing either, not to most people. And non-monogamous relationships exist (...preferably ethical non-monogamy) and can deal with that segment when the relationship works in some aspects but not in others. Yes, some people are allosexual but comfortable in a sexless relationship, and more power to them. But saying, "Eh, you can handle it because you'll have to eventually anyway" isn't helping anyone.
And for another thing, I have on good authority that #3 is inaccurate, and many senior citizens do, in fact, continue to have sex well into their golden years. You can, in fact, continue having sex until you die not-so-tragically old.
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:
my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm
a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force
daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed
always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't
you do not talk about my daughter
6. There is no rule number six.
7. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in in your date that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
8. The complexity of my daughter doubles every 24 months.
9. Any sufficiently advanced daughter is indistinguishable from magic.
Gas prices have shot up more than 50 percent since the war started February 28
Oh my, I just realized. It must be arson o'clock
Debtors love inflation; it reduces the value of the money they owe. Trump has spent his life massively in debt. Everything he does is for the grift.

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I have had a lot of evil people say to me that nothing taste as good as skinny feels and every time im like no im pretty sure food tastes really super good actually
I had a weird realization years ago, when Soylent came out and there was the brief craze over it: Some people just don't like food. Like, I'm pretty sure they don't hate it, they just don't derive enjoyment from it. Some people just don't see the difference between a raw-pancake-batter nutrient slurry and a burrito.
How much of that is nature vs. nurture? I have no idea. But I often suspect the people who claim "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" have a lot in common with the people who think stopping to eat during the work day is an inconvenience.
always complain about things. okay, you know how programmers explain their code to rubber ducks when it's not working? same principle. an appliance breaks down. I get pissed off, try everything, go through the various stages of despair etc. I complain about it to a friend and explain why it frustrates me so bad, and suddenly I'm thinking 'wait I should try unplugging it and then doing a factory reset and then—' and I go home and do that and it starts working again. I keep losing my earrings. I complain about it to a friend, about how I keep them all in a little dish but then the specific one I want always dematerialises the moment I want it. my friend says 'I just keep them on the little card backs they came with' and I think well shit, I always throw those out. but then I think aha I can make a bunch of pinholes in a decorative postcard. genius. I read a story. it's about something I'm usually into, but for some reason I don't like this story at all. I complain about it, I figure out what irritates me about it, I have a great idea for a way better story. I try a new recipe, it doesn't come together. I bitch about it like crazy, about what I thought I did right and how it failed, and before I know it I'm explaining out loud which parts I'm inexperienced at or didn't understand or adjusted wrong. I need a little table for drawing on. I complain about it in the group chat, two days later someone says 'hey I spotted the kind of table you're looking for on the side of the road, do you want to come pick it up'. I complain, endlessly. my life is enriched. the art of complaining.
True story: I got into stand-up comedy after going to another comedy show and watching a comic badly botch some crowd work. Spent the entire way home coming up with funnier punchlines than he did. My ever-patient wife suggested maybe I should do something with that, and here we are.
It's been a while since I said "this person wins the internet", but today it is merited.
(via bsky)
(The classic XKCD comic)
Oh, damn.
I'm going to be honest: This is the kind of pithy "fits into your worldview" statement that I would need extensive citations to believe.
Along other things, it doesn't match up to my experience of people my age and older who have ADHD (particularly those actually diagnosed with ADD back in the day). The ones who are successful learned coping skills (calendars, lists, etc) and took jobs that allowed them to set the pace and do an assortment of novel tasks. The ones who were unsuccessful... did drugs. And drank and smoked a lot. But since the 70s, nobody has had a neurotypical stay at home wife to offload executive functions on.
See what no one tells you about having parents who have been successfully polyamorous and active in the tri-state kink community for 29 years is that as their adult child, there is a high probability that at any event you go to someone will have slept with one or both of your parents. There is no escaping this. They've been doing it for decades. They've lain claim to like half the east coast
at 250 notes there is at least an 80% chance someone who has read this has slept with one or both of my parents. this is just the life i lead. i have learned to be at peace with this knowledge.
My favorite tags so far:
@two-wizards-in-a-trench-coat #my future sounds funny as fuck
@kentm4nsley #oh that's so fucking cursed. not in a disparaging way just #if i had this happen to me once i would simply pass away.
@literallybyronic #10 bucks says I met op's parents at a diabolique ball like 20 years ago
@staggered-stones #it's true no one told me about this
@gideonisms #GOD. i can't imagine #no new problem under the sun but this is one i hadn't thought of
@chirpchirrup #condolences i think?
@erudipitous #mood #the greater seattle area polycule T.T #replace 'tri-state' with 'pnw' and this post could be about me #the number of times my polycule has almost wrapped around to MY FATHER despite the fact that I DON'T EVEN DATE is. #well it's happened like 3 times which is saying somethiny #at any given kink or poly event I can generally assume someone there knows my parents
@prairie-grass #Having priests for parents is kind of like this #Lol I know I know #But I bump into people that know my parents ALL THE TIME #If I'm at some sort of religious event I just assume someone there knows at least one of them #Inescapable #Gotta say I prefer that over the idea of fucking someone who also fucked one of them so l'd prefer the cards I got dealt there
@kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd #i have to travel three hours in any cardinal direction to play comfortably it fucking sucks #last time i tried something local the host Messaged My Mother About It. needless to say that group is dead to me.
@callisto42 #I met a couple who had a son who also got into the kink/orgy scene when he grew up #and the parents had to coordinate their party schedules with him to make sure they didn't all go to the same parties
There is an entire statewide scene that I avoid because I'm concerned I might meet my cousin at a party. I cannot imagine how I would handle my parents being in the scene. Maybe move to Europe.

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If you’re planning on having your body buried, do you want a coffin?
If you’re planning on having your body buried, do you want a coffin?
Yes
No
@them0thking jewish burials traditionally involve a white shroud rather than a casket. in israel this is still done, but in the us it isn’t legal so we use a plain pine casket that is unpainted and generally just has a magen david (jewish star) as adornment
Thanks for the info!!! I really appreciate it!
UPDATE: there absolutely are places in the US where it's legal now, and if you want it to be legal in your area too, contact your state-level rep. You'd be amazed how many people are interested in alternative body disposition options.
As for myself, I read too many ghost stories as a kid and have this horrible fear of being buried alive, so I'm going for terramation. Even if I get stuck in the pod alive it won't do much more than traumatize me a bit while I bang on the door every couple of hours until somebody hears me.
Cremation, baby. If I'm not quite dead, I will be afterwards and very quickly at that. Also I'm enamored with having my ashes made into a diamond and assembling a family reliquary.
kinda funny that steve rogers, a chronically ill son of first gen immigrants, was raised by a single mom in brooklyn into an anti fascist progressive man who stood up everyday against oppressors. and that cap 2 was about an AI surveillance state & how easily the government could be corrupted/compromised. and that cap 3 was about accords that would strip enhanced individuals of their autonomy and turn them into pawns/breathing weapons & a tortured POW who was villainized. and how in infinity war steve rogers had become a world wide fugitive doing what he thought was right even if it wasn’t legal.
and then endgame said well on that note, we’re sending him back in time to 1950s (the decade epitomes w trad values and when there was still segregation) and he wouldn’t do anything about social issues or hydra or his best friend being brainwashed bc he deserved to rest <3
Except that can't be what happens, by Endgame's own internal logic: Steve can't change the past, even by hiding in it. Just like Thanos coming from the past to the present doesn't erase the events of the previous movies.
Steve creates another branching timeline (the "Steve fixes everything" timeline) where he marries Peggy, saves Bucky, stops Hydra before it gets into SHIELD, and likely stops the events leading to Infinity war well before the snap. But when he catches up to when he was originally defrosted it becomes clear what he must have suspected the whole time: He hasn't fixed his original reality, just made a new one. But he's old now and can't resume being Captain America in the original timeline, so he goes back long enough to hand over the shield to Sam.
(The events of Loki season 2 and destruction of the TVA would allow this timeline to continue to exist, because now there's a multiverse.)
do you have some crazy family lore
yes
no
no but i know someone else's crazy family lore
results
My great-grandmother was a whore, but not the whore we thought she was.
you're laughing. charles dickens had a son named plorn and you're laughing
HE HAD A SON NAMED
WHAT
NICK I LOOKED IT UP AND SAW NOTHING OF THE SORT IS THIS A PRANK
technically his name was edward but everyone called him plorn
Edward “Plorn” Dickens. my god.
I have something worse
imagine getting stuck with the nickname Plorn
imagine getting sent to live in the Australian outback when you were sixteen
WHY WERE THEY SO CRUEL TO MY BOY PLORN
I have an answer to that one too
The face of a man whose father nicknamed him Plorn.
Born without a groove 😔
With each addition to this, I find myself nodding and murmuring, "Mm hm. The Plorn Dickens."
We need to get regular plorn back on this website.
She got the idea for the study while walking with her advisor at Stanford to discuss her thesis topic, and the paper she eventually published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014 is sharp enough that it should have ended the seated meeting on the day it came out.
She ran 4 experiments on 176 people. Same person tested twice. Once sitting, once walking. The creativity tasks were the standard ones psychologists have used for decades to measure how good a brain is at generating novel useful ideas.
81% of participants in the first experiment produced more creative ideas while walking than while sitting. In the second experiment, 88%. In the third, 100%. Every single person walked into a more creative version of themselves. On average, people generated 60% more novel useful ideas the moment their legs started moving.
The skeptical question is the obvious one. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the scenery passing by. Maybe it was the change of environment doing the work, not the walking itself.
Oppezzo killed every one of those explanations with one experimental decision. She put people on a treadmill facing a blank wall. No scenery. No fresh air. No environmental change. Just legs moving in place while staring at white drywall. The 60% boost held.
Then she ran the experiment that closed the case completely. She took participants outside in two conditions. Half of them walked through a Stanford courtyard. The other half were pushed through the exact same courtyard in a wheelchair. Same outdoor stimulation. Same scenery passing at the same speed. The only difference was whether the legs were moving.
The walkers produced dramatically more novel high-quality ideas than the wheelchair group. The outdoors did almost nothing on its own. The walking did everything.
She also tested the opposite kind of thinking. Convergent thinking. The kind where there is one right answer and you have to narrow down to it. Word puzzles where 3 words share a hidden fourth word that connects them. The seated participants did slightly better on these. Walkers got slightly worse.
Walking is not a general intelligence enhancer. It does one specific thing. It opens up the divergent search inside your brain. The part that generates options. The part that produces unexpected connections. The part that takes a problem and finds five ways into it instead of one.
When you need to converge on the single right answer, sit down. When you need to find the answer in the first place, get up.
The mechanism is now well understood. Walking selectively activates what neuroscientists call the default mode network, the system inside your brain that runs when you are not consciously focused on anything. The DMN is where mind-wandering happens. Where memories cross-reference each other. Where ideas that have been sitting in separate folders inside your head finally bump into each other.
When you sit at a desk and force yourself to concentrate, you suppress the DMN. When you walk at a natural pace, the executive part of your brain gets just busy enough handling the walking that the DMN comes online and starts doing the work that focus was blocking.
The most useful finding in the entire paper is the one almost nobody quotes. The boost did not turn off the moment people stopped walking. Participants who walked first and then sat back down stayed elevated. Their next round of seated creativity work was still significantly better than people who had been sitting the whole time. The rest lingered for at least several minutes after the legs stopped moving.
You do not need to do creative work while walking. You need to walk before the creative work. The brain holds the state.
Edited down a long tweet. (x)

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To quote my wife "apparently I'm very good at working with ADHD kids because I don't find them too annoying. Like when they bounce their legs" (Looks at my bouncing leg) "or try to do two things at once." (Looks at me playing StS II while watching commander gameplay and talking to her.)
When she was reading the books recommended by our son's psychologist following his ADHD diagnosis, my wife kept sending me screenshots of passages with, "You've been doing this for 20 years."
wym your possibly suicidal white supremacist son took your guns? why the fuck did you have guns in the house with your possibly mentally ill white supremacist teenage son? didn’t even put them in a security safe with a code? the fuck is wrong with this people?
that mother of the columbine shooter who did her little media rounds talking about how anyone’s son could randomly become a mass shooter did so much fucking damage. it takes so many failures in parenting and supervision and basic safety to allow your 17 year old to commit a religious hate crime. of course, it is the shooter’s choice entirely but parental failure is a common thread between all of these fucking tragedies
I have found that not having any guns makes it quite impossible for a child, deliberately or accidentally, to find a gun in my house. Shocking, I know.