yeah nah yeah

happy birthday to Egg Bacon and to the post that fucking destroyed my notifications and shot to over 100k notes in record time, i still don't know who Egg Bacon is

two years later and i still don't know who Egg Bacon is, happy birthday i guess

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

*goes to Coachella in a white linen suit like an antebellum lawyer, sweating profusely and dabbing at my forehead with a handkerchief* now, I’m no fancy scientist, but would you folk know where a simple gentleman such as myself could obtain some acid? Now, I’m no big city lawyer, but could any of you fine youths point a country boy such as myself in the direction of some fucking acid?

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

gwen stefani was right when she said this shit is bananas

if i was in charge of america fbi would stand for female bisexual

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats