Am I Supposed To Name This?

people who hate chatty cats are the worst like. your small friend is singing a song just for you! they have things to say! listen to them

Vegetables are delicious, u guys just don’t know how to cook

As someone who’s worked in several cafes, I’m mad at how accurate this is.

I will forever remember the time my friend and I were out for chinese food. we got up to pay and I (the short one with bottom energy i guess?) revealed that I would be paying for the meal, and the elderly man at the counter just flat out said “Oh, YOU’RE the boss!”

abac (assigned bottom at chili’s)

honestly i peaked as a zygote like.. i was completely androgynous.. unproblematic.. no acne… truly my golden years

musical chairs falls under the battle royale genre

a group of magicians trying to do secret santa by drawing names out of a hat but they just keep pulling rabbits out of it

Light a candle directly in front of your automatic Glade spray air freshener that way every 9 minutes a fireball shoots across your living room table, intimidating your house guests, asserting your dominance in your domain

I hate when people ask me why I drink so much water like damn bitch I’m tryin to drown myself what u think leave me alone

me: im gonna go to bed early and get a good nights sleep netflix: here’s a bunch of 45 minute documentaries on the wildlife inhabiting coastal islands me: hhhdbhnnnnnnnnnnddndkkj coconut crab