So retro I was born yesterday

I get the impression no one was really looking forward to the christmas special. I mean, no one was expecting to enjoy it. People talk about it like it's a chore, something to get out of the way before the show can move forward, a tedious obligation to resolve RTD's stuntcasting cliffhanger.

Now that there's been this radical decision to end this abysmal era of Who altogether, resolution be damned, I have this stupid hope again: Please just "reboot" the show. Ignore the cliffhanger, ignore the loose ends, just start the way New Who started in 2005: With a new Doctor, new characters, new adventures. Keep the lore minimal and make sure that everything plot-relevant is actually introduced and explained on screen. It's not like you can never include easter eggs or cameos, but the whole emotional arc of an episode shouldn't rely on the assumption that viewers have seen a specific decades-old piece of TV. Only bring back the Master, Gallifrey, Daleks and the like, if you actually have an idea for a story, not out of obligation. Only reintroduce bits of lore into the series if it's important for the story. Don't waste time with exposition to "fix" plotholes in past series, explain how the new Doctor fits intothe continuity, if the Timeless Child is still canon. I hate the modern obsession with lore, it's so angry and rigid and not very wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey. Honestly, just have the Doctor point out that what with several Time Lords constantly zipping about the universe in time machines making messes, their history is actually quite fluid and it's best not to bother trying to understand it. Embrace the chaos, the premise is perfect for this.

I think Gloryhammer is just aggressively tongue-in-cheek enough that they work for the kind of people who are really self-conscious about liking nerdy stuff. Power metal is nerdy. It is often fantasy-themed, essentially audio-fanfic at times, and with melody-driven songs and high vocal ranges, it's just not the rough gruff tough testosterony stuff that people tend to associate with heavy metal.

Fun anecdote time: My first power metal concert after the pandemic was in 2023. When I mentioned at work that I had been to a metal concert the previous night, one co-worker asked if there had been anything still going on in terms of Covid measures. I said, not really. He went on to say something like how yeah, that's what he figured, and wouldn't it be badass if one of these gruff, sweaty metal singers took an FFP2 mask, blew his nose in it and threw it into the crowd with a gutteral scream ...? And internally I was like: Ew, that's unhygienic. And also: Oh, he got the wrong idea entirely, didn't he. Because I went to a Twilight Force concert. So their two guitarists were actually wearing face covers. You know, as part of their elf costumes. And that's power metal!

I think I wasted a lot of my youth being self-conscious about the stuff I liked, for fear of being judged by jerks. It really sucks to see this anxiety on full display in a subreddit dedicated to this very, very niche music! The kind of people who can only unclench and enjoy this music if they have been thoroughly assured that the band knows how silly this is, that this is not real, that it's a joke. Anything that makes them uncertain about the intention, they complain that they "take themselves too seriously" or are "unintentionally funny", "cringe", waaah waah.

And then you go to see one of those bands that are "the worst thing to happen to power metal" according to Reddit, and you just ... have fun? surrounded by people who are having the time of their lives, getting definitive vibes that the band is having fun, too, and the positive vibes make me two years younger at least!

*) This is not to say that she thinks of Bruce and Lestat as the same person. I think ... I mean, correct me if I am wrong and missed some dialogue ... but I think that in Season 2, Claudia never calls the real Bruce by his name, she only ever calls him "the motherfucker". When she says "Bruce", it is always the fictional maker she's created, the one she gets to control and kill off. Yet she has no problem calling Lestat by his name when she's talking privately with Louis.

Uhhh, I am just grinding now. Before the point of no return, grinding levels, job levels and buying shuriken for my ninja. After some consideration, I have decided to go with a ninja / dragoon /bard /devout team. We will see how it goes. I'm doing this thing where I switch to a job with big HP gain before a level-up, which is tedious! I am also making use of the remaster's option to boost EXP and money gain ... It feels like cheating, but it just saves time. The biggest problem right now is that there aren't any sidequests to do, for a more organic and less dull way to grind levels.

To adapt such an overly long fantasy book series, you really need to reduce it down to its most basic story beats and get rid of everything that doesn't contribute. So this is the story of someone who learns he's the chosen one, except in this setting being the chosen one is a death sentence and makes you a feared figure. Rand struggles, accepts, learns the wrong lessons, suffers traumas, goes insane but heals enough by the end that he can fulfil his destiny and get a happy ending. It's a story that gets very dark, but is ultimately hopeful. The tone is important. Yes, it is a dark spin on the chosen one concept, but not a cynical one.

There are a number of characters who are just as active and important as Rand, and whose journeys mirror and complement his arch. I think Egwene is crucial as someone who isn't prophesied, but really steps up to any challenge and has a massive positive impact on the world. I think Mat is also crucial to keep in this version of the story, because he is so different from Rand, perhaps even a flipside of him: Rand tries to embrace his destiny and accidently almost becomes a villain; Mat tries to run from any destiny-related things, but repeatedly does the right thing.

Anyway, I would remove Perrin entirely. He's a superfluous character. We do not need another character who is "afraid of his own powers, feared/misunderstood because of them", let that be Rand's thing. Besides, Perrin is not as fun or proactive as Mat. No one will miss him. Perrin's book arch is pretty lopsided and mismanaged anyway, I'm sure Robert Jordan regretted his decision to make Perrin a main character, he had him treat water for so long, you cannot tell me he thought of Perrin as anything other than a chore. Of course Brandon Sanderson loved Perrin and featured him heavily in his version of the ending, which is one of his many failings. Removing Perrin from the story tidily trims off the most frustrating and tedious subplots! It'll be great.

I would like to retain the characters who mirror Rand (and Egwene) in other ways. For this purpose, I'd like to pay more attention to Galad than Robert Jordan did. (The TV show's version of Galad was, well, wrong.) Galad comes in a package with Gawyn, and their character archs are so interesting because Gawyn starts off as the nice, relatable one, while Galad is too perfect, too rigid. We're explicitely warned that Galad is dangerous. But the way the story plays out, it is Gawyn who goes down a dark path of wrong decisions and misplaced hatred. Galad actually proves everyone wrong and just makes the right decisions. He can navigate moral dilemmas. Galad actually is all that, the drop-dead gorgeous heroic guy. And I think that is so interesting because Galad is a) Rand's older half-brother, who is abandoned by his mother because she must follow her destiny; b) goes from being raised to potentially take the throne of Cairhien, to being a surplus prince in Andor, the step-son in a matriarchy. It's interesting that Gawyn has an inferiority complex because of his older half-brother, because when all is said and done, it's Gawyn who will have a high-ranking post next to his sister, while there isn't really anything for Galad, he's just there. He's pretty, he's awesome, but he's not needed. He's not needed by destiny either, so overall I think it is quite ironic to stress that he's legitimately a perfect fairy tale hero prince ... just in a story that has no use for this type. Needless to say, I would also include a scene where Rand and Galad actually meet. It would be cathartic for Galad, to learn why the heck he was actually abandoned by his mother as a little kid. WTF, books. Galad rising through the ranks of the Children of the Light also mirrors Egwene's rise to Amyrlin Seat. They both take control of highly flawed institutions, and do it by exemplifying all they should actually be. The fact that the Aes Sedai and the Children of the Light are hereditary enemies, but that Galad and Egwene are kind of in love, makes it all the more juicy.

I'd also put emphasis on Logain and Mazrim Taim, the story's two False Dragons, both for their relationship to Rand, the real Dragon Reborn, and to each other. I'd like to go with the idea that Taim started off genuinely trying to be good and helpful in the battle against the dark, but that his ego got the better of him. And when Logain joined the Asha'man and was this popular, naturally charismatic guy with great hair, Taim got jealous and succumbed. This should be a sexy dynamic, btw. Same for Rand/Moridin.

Moiraine's death/sacrifice is a necessary plot point in Rand's character development. As is Cadsuane's attempt to replace her, and how she clashes with Rand (who is at that point at his lowest and pretty much insane) ... I really don't like how any of this is wrapped up in the books. Moiraine's return feels anticlimactic, and how Sanderson handles Cadsuane and the way he "fixes" Rand's mental health issues is ... erhhhh ... It's not very good.

I think I would have preferred if, at the very end, it had been Moiraine who helps Rand's soul (?) make the switch from his own dying body to Moridin's. And the "without her you fail/die" prophecy (I forgot the exact wording) could refer to this, to her role of literally saving Rand's life at the end, and keeping the secret of his survival, and seeing him off with a conspiratory smile. Perhaps it's a forgotten weave she only learns thanks to her imprisonment with the Finns. Such possibilities!

BTW, I think it's very funny that so many people in the fandom would like to remove all of Mat's problematic romantic entanglements, but act as if it's of the utmost importance that he gets his hat and his cool spear. Like, I'm sorry, but I find the Tylin plotline psychologically interesting and it can be handled with care, and Mat/Tuon is exactly the type of insane romance we need: it should not work, but it's awesome. And I don't fucking care what hat he wears.

Hmmm ... sorry not sorry Lestat, Bolero belongs to only one dramatic gay Frenchman!!

Also ... *squints* ... vampires? In my zombie metal?! I mean, because there's fangs at the end. That means vampires. And looking at the album tracklist (Children of the Night, Nosferatu, I Don't Drink Wine), I'm just gonna assume vampires. Innnnteresting.

Because once upon a time, this was pretty much all I knew of Anne Rice. Yes, also that she had written these vampire books (of which I had read only one), but mostly that in 2004, she took umbrage at the negative reviews that her readers had left for Blood Canticle on Amazon, and wrote a long rant about it, which included this iconic sentence. And then everyone had a chuckle and it was just a thing people would quote and make jokes about. A meme! It was a fun time, I think. Nostalgic.

I mean:

Seldom do I really answer those who criticize my work. In fact, the entire development of my career has been fueled by my ability to ignore denigrating and trivializing criticism as I realize my dreams and my goals. However there is something compelling about Amazon's willingness to publish just about anything, and the sheer outrageous stupidity of many things you've said here that actually touches my proletarian and Democratic soul.

That having said, I do no MIND that the new teaser trailer has Louis being politely so-so on Lestat's music. Based on what we have seen and heard so far, it would be uncharacteristic for Louis to like those songs. He has refined tastes. He's a little snobby. He did not like the Théâtre des Vampires plays, which does include at least one that Lestat probably wrote himself. I also do not mind that Lestat gets upset when he overhears IWTV book readers talk about how Armand >>> Lestat. Same tbh btw. Also: It does put things (initial teaser trailer from last year) into perspective.

I mean, I genuinely wish I liked Lestat's music, but as long as the show won't require me to suspend my disbelief and pretend it's good, I am all OK on that front. And it now makes sense that Lestat would rant at Louis about how he could have understood him going for Santiago but eww Armand, because that's now officially just his ego melting down, and they are neither his true feelings on Armand nor on Santiago (who is an asshole who instigated the whole trial, regardless of what the "Armand is the true villain, none of the white people ever did anything wrong because racism is not real" faction wants to believe. Based on currently established TV canon). There is just no way Lestat has any positive feelings for Santiago. Come on. There is no way.

I hope "Season 3" will manage to feel like a proper continuation of the first two seasons, despite the shift in focus, despite the name change, despite the samewhat odd marketing campaign. I don't want spoilers, so I'd rather see only stuff pertaining to "rock star Lestat" because I don't care, it is water off a duck's butt, I will have forgotten about it tomorrow afternoon. I'd rather be surprised about the stuff I do care about, which is anything non-rockstar-related for Lestat (his past), and anything for the other characters and where they are at right now. Season 2 did end on a big question mark/exclamation mark, let's not forget, and there will be viewers who want explanations specifically on the Daniel/Armand situation.

In his own TV show, Duckula was a friendly vegetarian vampire due to a bungled resurrection ritual. As the opening explains, dead vampires can be brought back to life with a ritual that requires blood, but they accidently used ketchup instead and resurrected Duckula as a good guy who is vegetarian. A recurring thing through the series is that his loyal butler wants nothing more than to turn Duckula evil again.

Some people got introduced to vampires via Buffy, via Anne Rice or via Twilight, but for me it was probably Count Duckula.

But let's talk about this concept of a "vegetarian" vampire, the vampire who does not drink blood, or does not drink human blood, or does not kill. Some vampire lores are more permissive than others, and I have always felt that, outside of cartoons, it is a cop-out to make it possible for vampires to survive without human blood without suffering significant side effects. If a vampire can easily survive off pig blood from the local butcher, he's technically living a more ethical, less harmful life than most humans, so where's the angst and guilt supposed to come from?!

In some lores, the good vampire is a special kind of vampire to whom unique rules apply. In Buffy, for example, Angel is a vampire with a soul. Count Duckula was brought back to life with tomato ketchup. They are both fundamentally different from other vampires, who are evil killers.

In Interview with the Vampire (and I am going to talk about the TV show exclusively), Louis is not a special kind of vampire. His "vegetarianism" is rooted in a moral struggle that a lot of vampires seem to experience: Lestat mentions being horrified about having to drink blood in the beginning, and Armand kills only harmful or suicidal people as of 2022, which is of course its own ethical minefield.

Louis does not stick to his vegetarianism consistently, but goes through phases where he does kill people and where he kills people only "every other night". At one point he considers only killing bad people, and finally in Dubai he has set up a system that allows him to drink human blood completely without killing. Which is somehow creepier than the classic murderous vampire ...