I use Miranda Kerr as the reference because she sits in that rare space where the face reads as naturally doll-like without ever tipping into artificiality or editorial distortion. Her features aren’t extreme in any direction, they’re balanced and soft: large but not exaggerated eyes, a rounded midface, gentle bone structure, and a kind of open, approachable expression that still photographs with clarity and polish. She’s the closest real-world example of the “human doll” effect as something that comes from proportion and harmony rather than styling or trend-driven makeup.

Skin first, always. Antioxidants, green juices, a supplement stack I take seriously, fresh air, consistent exercise, actual sleep. This is the foundation everything else is built on and there are no shortcuts that hold up over time. Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen every single morning without exception. Vitamin C and other vit deficiencies, 50g collagen peptides in your coffee, chlorophyll drops in your water. Actual sleep, which I'm terrible at and pay for in ways I notice immediately on my face. This is the foundation and there are no products in the world that compensate for a destroyed foundation.

Find your closest celebrity match and study them. Not just their red carpet looks, I'm talking about their candids, their off duty moments, the specific way their MUA handles their particular bone structure. If you have monolids, you are studying Sora Choi and Yoon Young Bae and the specific liner techniques used on them. If you have a low contrast face you are studying how Gemma Ward's team softens and lifts the upper third of her face to balance it. If you share my specific features you already know who you are studying and it isn't who you'd expect. This saves years of trial and error and gives you a blueprint that is already proven to work on a face that shares your architecture.

Makeup philosophy is light sculpture. A silky foundation like the Armani Luminous Silk as your base, something to replicate that specific quality of skin it creates. Bright NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer under the eyes blended into nothing, then a very precise Byredo or Charlotte Tilbury highlight on the very tip of the nose, the highest point of the cheekbones and just underneath the brow arch where the bone catches light naturally. The Hung Vanngo tutorials I've referenced before are the closest visual I can give you to what I mean. It should look like your face is lit from within, not highlighted.

The concept of strategic weight distribution is real and worth understanding for your specific body. I am not talking about being underweight, I am talking about understanding that certain body composition ratios create specific visual effects and that you can engineer your training to produce them. High and round glutes with a narrow waist and visible but not bulky shoulder definition creates a specific silhouette that reads as both athletic and feminine and that photographs a very specific way. Tracy Anderson's method for the specific kind of lean, elongated muscle tone that doesn't add bulk is worth studying even if her cult following is slightly unhinged about it.

A well-circulated body. Regular exercise, sauna, 15k steps a day, cold showers especially during the hotter months. The treatdmill for 45 minutes after every single workout, levels 6 through 9, because the circulation it creates in your skin is genuinely different from any other cardio and I notice it immediately when I skip. Lymphatic drainage massage at least twice monthly. Facial massages and Gua sha to snatch, define and lift your face.

Eyes are mostly genetic. But Ardell Demi Wispies or the Kiss So Real as your everyday lash if you want the doll eye effect without it reading costumey. I would not recommend tightlining the waterline in a white / nude or flesh tone to make the eye appear larger from within unless you are sure it looks natural, but you always draw a very thin line of black along the upper lash line extended slightly downward at the outer corner rather than upward, which rounds rather than elongates. Korean beauty tutorials on this are genuinely the best resource. Pony's old tutorials specifically and the more recent work of Risabae. The goal is open, wide, fresh.

Blush blush blush. Rare Beauty Soft Pinch liquid blush in Grateful or Joy depending on the season and apply it higher and sheerer than feels comfortable. If your face is longer, sweep it across the midface horizontally (think the way Jisoo from BP's team places her blush, shortening the face and creating that compressed, doll-like proportion). If you need lift, concentrate it at the absolute highest point of the cheekbone and blend upward toward the temple.

Brows. If you have dark hair, go at least one to two shades lighter than you think you should and keep the shape soft and slightly rounded rather than angular. I use Anastasia Beverly Hills in Taupe or Soft Brown depending on the season, filled very lightly with a spoolie to soften, then the Benefit Gimme Brow in a lighter shade to set. If you have lighter hair, a slightly deeper brow adds definition without hardness, think the way RHW's brows frame her face, defined but never harsh. Symmetry above everything, use a brow mapping technique before you ever touch them if you haven't already.

The V-shaped jawline. Botox in the masseter muscle if you clench your jaw or have any squareness at the lower face you want to soften. This is the most underrated cosmetic procedure available and the one I see the least discussion of in these spaces. It slims the lower face over time, reduces tension headaches, and stops the grinding that destroys your teeth and ages the lower third of your face faster than almost anything else.

Tretinoin at the highest percentage your skin can tolerate, obtained however you need to obtain it, started as early as your early twenties. I don't care what your dermatologist's conservative prescription is. The girls who look genuinely ageless in their late thirties started this in their early twenties and that is not a coincidence. Curology if you need a prescription routed around your reluctant GP, or certain international pharmacies if you know how to navigate them. The Kate Somerville Retinol Moisturizer is a fine gateway but eventually you need the real thing and you need to commit to it fully.

The nose situation. Yuhann on TT has the most precise and intelligent contouring tutorials I have ever seen and she will change the way you understand your face entirely. Specifically her nose contouring videos, which are face-shape specific and genuinely surgical in their precision. Beyond that you know your options (Turkey) and you know your situation and I'm not going to spell it out .

Do not get buccal fat removal. I cannot stress this enough and I will keep saying it. The girls getting it done at 24 are going to be devastated at 34 and there is nothing that can be done about it. A doll face is a young face, neoteny is the entire premise and you are voluntarily aging yourself to look older when you will get older anyways. Retain every babyface feature you have with your entire being.

For lips: the rosebud effect that Korean beauty has essentially perfected is achieved through a combination of overlining specifically the cupid's bow to create roundness (not the outer corners, the bow), a lip lift if you have significant space between your nose and upper lip, and filler placed centrally rather than at the sides. The result should be a cherry, slightly pouty lip that looks slightly too perfect. The Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask in Berry every single night without exception for the texture and softness.

Lenses I personally don't use and wouldn't recommend for this specific aesthetic because they tip the entire thing into the obviously constructed rather than the eerily perfected. The second you can clock the lens the illusion breaks. Think about the difference between how Tzuyu from TWICE reads versus someone wearing obvious circle lenses. One is genuinely unsettling in the most beautiful way and one just looks like a costume. You want the former.

It only really works if you have a naturally doll-like face and most people just don't. I've had girls in my life try and recreate the look almost to the letter and it just doesn't translate because they don't have the proportions, the features, the specific things that make it work. Even if they got the exact same work done it would look completely different, because this isn't a formula you pour into any vessel and get the same result. I've spent years cultivating a very specific mix that flatters my particular features and reflects my standards of beauty and you're going to have to do the same for yours.

When I was working at my local country club, I had a member tell me that I had a health club aura. She told me that every time she saw me, I always looked refreshed, my hair was always perfect, my makeup stayed on point, my nails were beautiful, and I had an aura of health and wellness around me. I wore entirely white outfits, and she told me that she’d seen me at the end of long shifts, and I always looked like I’d just started. I always smiled, and I was an island of relaxation in an otherwise fast paced club and course.

Hydration, skincare, losing weight, and proper nutrition played the biggest roles in getting this aura. I completely changed my diet and started drinking the cucumber, lemon-lime, and fruit infused water that was available in the club. I lessened the amount of processed food I was eating and started watching what I ate, and I was obviously walking and putting my back into the classes I would take in the health club area of my country club. I started Pilates and Barre and would take 2 classes per day, 5 days per week. Immersing myself in that world, following the lead of my friends, and spending time in that environment really improved me and helped to shape my mind.

As for looks, all of the girls who were working as Bev Cart Girls or Front Desk Girls had a rule. We could wear the colors of the club, lighter colors, or bright white. Because I would rotate between my cart and the front desk, I’d wear white exercise sets. I thought they popped on my skin; I kept my hair long and loose; I wore white tennis shoes and visors; and I always had natural makeup and French tips. I grew up in a high-income neighborhood, and this club was known to tip well, but on my best day on my cart, I made around $2,100 in cash tips. Physical beauty wasn't huge and weight was “negotiable”, but fitting the part and conveying a vibe of relaxed luxury absolutely was.

My personality was absolutely what carried me. I’m definitely extroverted; I love being social with people and getting to know my peers, and I think that having a good personality and being willing to spend time getting to know people absolutely changed things for me. As soon as I started putting an effort into getting to know people, I found that more and more people wanted to get to know me. An integral part of the job was just sitting up front, taking names, checking people in and out, and asking how their day had been before they came to see me. It wasn’t just men; it was women and teenagers too. This job and the social skills I learned from it completely how I view the world now.

The most important thing that the job gave me was the health club aura I had. I learned so much from women who came from high-profile families in my city and worked alongside their daughters; I made some of the best money of my life; and I made connections and met people who elevated me to better jobs, gave me more opportunities, and played their part in my life. It's really just a jokey nickname for the way people view me; I think that it's a play on the fact that my home club had a group of young women who called themselves the Health Club Girls. Life is about putting yourself in proximity to privilege in order to level up with less difficulty, and for me, that meant working somewhere where I could watch and learn.

Japanese Lingerie.

I swear by Japanese lingerie, especially if you love detailed sets. My body doesn’t suit American-made lingerie now that I’ve lost so much weight, and I learned about Japanese lingerie from r/abrathatfits on my journey to find what suited me. The bras are forward projecting and give me a much better side view. I love buying matching lingerie sets, and the sets I usually go for are lacy and intricate; they’re incredibly well priced for the quality they are, and they fit me the way I like my sets to fit me. Buying lingerie is extremely feminine to me, and I love finding sets that complement my body. I’m still not as secure in my new body as I’d like to be, and good lingerie makes me feel beautiful again.

French Tips.

French tips are my go-to. They look good, they’re low maintenance, they’re universally acceptable, and they look clean. When done right, they make my hands look longer and thinner than they are, and I love that with a thinner white line, they look and feel delicate. I mostly do French mani-pedis; it’s a habit I got into when I first went to Chicago, and it’s served me well, so I doubt I’ll ever stray from it. The nail salon combo is widely accepted to be DND865 and DND473, and I do an acrylic overlay on top of my natural nails, keep an oval shape, and request a thin tip if I’m not doing BIAB again. I won’t get into the acrylic vs. BIAB debate at the moment, but I will say that when properly done, BIAB looks amazing, is better for helping you retain length, and it lasts longer than acrylic while looking better.

Classic Makeup and Flicky Layered Hair.

I love styling my hair and doing my makeup; it’s like a reward for waking up in the morning. I get to sit down, make myself pretty, and enjoy the entire process. I figured it was time to update my skincare and makeup routines once again, so I took the time to start watching makeup tutorials (Uma Jammeh, amazing) and using what products I already have to adapt certain looks to my face. As for hair, I’m obsessed with Sarmadina de Beaute as of late and layers. I think my hair looks best with heavy, flicky layers (Remington curls) if I don’t have the time to do a blowout, and I’ve really embraced the process of both finding styling inspiration and actually doing my hair. I found my ultimate inspiration the other day, ordered hair immediately, and cut and styled one of my synthetic wigs to get the look in the interim, and I’m smitten.

Minimal Jewelry.

I’ve always worn minimal jewelry; I’m a major fan of Cartier, and I’ve curated a small collection that I wear nearly every day. I love accessorizing, but I don’t like wearing a million things that have no meaning; I prefer to only wear things I love or things that have a story behind them. Gold is my metal and diamonds are my jewel. I prefer this combo over all of the other combos I’ve seen or worn before, but I also occasionally wear mother of pearl when the time is right. I dislike being weighed down by poorly made pieces; I think jewelry can be used as a statement (when needed), and putting thought into what I wear and what I want my jewelry to say has saved me a lot of misery. With the exception of my charm necklace or lavaliere necklace, I try to wear the same sets every day.

Lymphatic Massages and Red Light Therapy.

Now that it’s November and the weather is soon to turn cold again, I’m much more focused on cardio and my diet. Because I’ve filled my weekday mornings with Pilates and my afternoons with the elliptical and stairmaster, I’ve added lymphatic drainage massages and red light therapy to my weekend schedule. I’ll be in Europe, on the slopes, in the freezing cold for the majority of my winter break, and I’m preparing for that now. Lymphatic massages are a lifesaver for me, especially during allergy season, and full-body red light therapy is just an additional benefit. I’ve also switched from studio yoga to hot yoga and from the steam room back to the sauna, stopped drinking coffee, and really started focusing on increasing my flexibility.

Tinting, Tanning, and Toning.

I love having dark skin already, but I do tend to go wild with the self-tanning in the winter. In my mind, there’s nothing more beautiful than dark skin against white snow, and the darker I am, the better I look. I grew up being told that I was too dark, but I’ve embraced it. I’m proud of my skin, and I love the richness of it, and I use tanner as a way to cover up the scarring on my body and contour my face. As for tinting, I tint my brows and lashes darker than I normally would in the colder months because they don’t turn over or fade as quickly. I never ever tint my eyebrows jet black; that color is far too harsh for my face, and I can’t pull it off at all. I use the darkest brown on my brows and jet black on my lashes. When it comes to toning, I spray my entire body with the Ordinary’s glycolic acid and let it dry after showering for the best results. I swear by it for clearing body acne and preventing any body odor.

My backstory

I come from a West-African family, so growing up I was taught to act like a young lady. I am an ambivert, so when company would come to the house I was my mom’s mini hostess, but I loved my alone time. I loved getting dressed up in my dresses, lace bobby socks, and Mary Janes (I used to STEP for Resurrection Sunday).

My mother enrolled me in ballet at a young age (I fractured my wrist playing soccer so she put an end to that, much to my daddy’s dismay). I trained as a dancer for 17 years and was captain & choreographer of my high school dance team for 2 years. I am so grateful that my mom did that, being a dancer taught me grace and elegance.

As I matured into a preteen, I became really self-conscious. I was one of the few black students at my predominantly white middle school and I wanted to be ”pretty like them”. I didn't understand why my mother didn't let me straighten or relax my curls, or why she was so strict about letting me hang out with my friends. I began to isolate myself and I essentially stopped trying.

My ultra-feminine friends started to abandon me because I was no longer fit in with them. At that point, I was a tomboy who wore her brother’s t-shirts and sneakers to school every day. The only time I felt feminine as a preteen/teenager was when I was dancing. The choreography, the costumes, the makeup, always managed to bring out that feminine side I had suppressed.

It wasn't until my freshman going into sophomore year of college that I began to take inventory of my femininity or this case, my lack thereof. I wanted more out of life. I wanted to attract the man of my dreams. I wanted to become my ideal self, so I started researching, and YouTube became my best friend. I watched so many videos on how to enhance your femininity and what I learned from those videos as well as my own persona trial and error has brought me to a place where I can proudly say that I fully embrace my femininity and am proud to be a feminine woman.

My feminine tips + practices:

Inside Renovations:

Your inside character will be a direct reflection of your outward appearance. Somethings I did:

I developed a mindset that allowed femininity to come into it and enrich my life.

I worked on my articulation.

I relearned etiquette and manners.

I did a lot of introspection and started seeing a therapist get to the root of why I wanted to suppress my femininity.

It sounds very corny and a bit played out, but I really got in touch with my inner child.

This led me back to nature, and being gentle, and remembering that I am a daughter of the most high.

I treated myself delicately, and with the same grace that I gave others.

I started putting myself first.

I found hobbies and ways to entertain myself while simultaneously enriching my life. I described my hobbies in a post that you can view, here.

Outward aesthetics:

A friend of my sister used to say ”Obviously it matters who you are on the inside, but a man can't see your inside. So on the outside, you have to look like a girl worth getting to know on the inside.” So now, I was worried about making sure I presented well on the outside, now that I had done the work on the inside. Somethings I did:

I started investing in my skincare products and being more consistent and detailed when I did it.

I totally gutted my wardrobe. I got rid of anything that didn't represent the me I was trying to get in touch with. I got rid of a lot of the stuff I had leftover from middle school and slowly started building my wardrobe with intention. I also joined a modeling organization at my university, and they helped me improve the way I dress.

If I were to describe my style, it would be a mix of very classic, elegant pieces, minimal pieces, with a sprinkling of streetwear. Don't get me wrong, I still love sneakers, I just style them differently now.

I learned how to do my hair and makeup. I look at old pictures of my makeup from my freshman year of college and ugh, I could just scream it was so bad!

I definitely stopped following makeup trends and had a makeup expert teach me how to do a very light beat and since then I've been able to create my own signature look.

I started experimenting with perfume. I started seeing which notes I liked, that meshed well with my body, and had a decent longevity. There is one thing I will always splurge on and that is perfume. I wrote an entire guide to fragrance that you can view, here.

I started consistently grooming myself. I have always been hygienic, but when it came to grooming like hair removal, mani + pedis, and things like that, I was super inconsistent. Last year, I went to the NFL draft and saw the girlfriends of these now professional athletes and how well-groomed they looked. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't think twice about taking care of myself.

I started seeing a dermatologist and esthetician regularly to help my skin look even better. I stayed on top of my medical appointments (Physicals, Dental, Gyno).

I also started seeing a chiropractor/massage therapist regularly. I tend to carry a lot of stress in my upper back/neck, and I used to have a chronic neck cracking problem.

I started getting my nails done bi-weekly, and my feet done monthly.

I started getting my eyebrows, eyelashes, and waxes done monthly.

I will not lie, this level upkeep is expensive, but it is so worth it to me to feel like even on my ”off days” I’m still presenting my best self.

Boundaries + Standards:

Recently, I had to end a very toxic friendship because I found out how manipulating and toxic this person was. This made me realize how little I vet people before allowing them to come into my life.

Another example would be a guy I started dating before quarantine started. I told him that I wasn't having sex with him for a while but nevertheless, he tried to put me in situations to fall back on my words. Needless to say, I ended things with him as well.

It was these two incidents that made me realize that I need to establish and enforce boundaries, and not care about who I have to leave behind in order to protect myself.

Some boundaries I put in place for dating look like:

No last-minute dates.

No phone calls past 11:00 PM.

Netflix and chill doesn't exist in my world.

No being forced to chase love, affection, or attention.

No mothering anyone's son.

No dating anyone who dates multiple people.

No entertaining someone who's emotionally unavailable.

Some standards I have for dating look like:

No drive by/ coffee dates

Must have a job, their own place of residence, a car, etc.

Must be gentlemanly and integral.

No criminal record.

Emotionally and physically available.

Effective at communication and conflict resolution.

Values his health and wellness.

Constantly works toward improving himself.

I learned how to write in Cursive and Calligraphy.

Did you know that before Meghan Markle became the Duchess of Sussex, she was employed by Paper Source in Beverly Hills as a calligraphy teacher and a freelance calligrapher? I thought that learning both cursive and calligraphy would put me on a different level because all of the women I've ever admired write in beautiful ways and they send gorgeous cards to the people they care for. When you write to any of the monarchies, you always receive a beautiful card back from them to thank you for your beautiful letter, even though I'm nowhere close to that, I want the people I care for to know that I care for them and appreciate having them in my life.

I also invested in really very nice stationary so I can sit down at my desk and write heartfelt cards that I can send to the people I adore. A 'thank you' text just doesn't cut it for me, I think that it's low budget and tacky, there's nothing like taking a beautiful and handcrafted card out of your mailbox and I want people to know that I think they're special. Calligraphy is an old art that's still taught at the best of schools and I've always wanted to expose my classiest side to the people I interact with and so I took advantage of my time and learned how to write.

How to copy HRH Meghan Markle's handwriting.

I learned how to cook splendid European food.

I bought the Julia Child cookbooks and went to town. I can cook Thai and Brazilian food easily and I know how to make some Kenyan dishes, but I learned how to make European dishes. Julia Child's book 'Mastering the Art of French Cooking' is absolutely amazing. I love making beautifully prepared meals and I love that I can be counted on to make nice meals when I'm asked to, there's nothing like pouring myself some chilled Möet, putting on my apron, standing in the kitchen, and making a delicious and beautiful dish for a candlelit meal.

Julia Child is a genius and the pride of the cooking world, her recipes are easy to follow but the meals end up being intricate and delicious and gorgeous. All of the men I've known appreciate a beautiful meal and they love when I take care of them and make a beautiful dinner, they don't tend to like my ethnic food and so I've found European food that they do enjoy and that I enjoy making. I usually only cook when I want something but learning how to cook beautiful food, knowing which wine and desserts to pair with it, and knowing how to set a table and serve a meal made me seem so much classier and more cultured and like I was a lady raised in society.

An episode of Julia Child's show where she makes lovely desserts and exhibits the beauty of her skills.

I worked on my conversation skills.

I took a course at Oxford and then I began watching speeches given by world leaders to work on the fluency of my English, my conversation skills, and my small talk. I prefer speeches from female leaders so I can work on my accent and the way that I speak and I find that speeches from women like Meghan Markle, Princess Anne, Princess Diana, Queen Letizia, and various UN General Assembly speeches from women serve the purpose very well. I worked on making sure that my speech flowed smoothly and that I was able to easily transition between topics and points of conversation without too much difficulty for me or for the person who I was conversing with and make myself heard.

A key part of this was also learning locations, Punta del Este (Uruguay), precise places in Monaco, hidden gems in France, lodges in Germany, Glastonbury, NPR and the BBC, the stock market, skiing vacations in the Switzerland, Yachting in Monaco, and vineyards in Italy. Knowing about horses, poker, polo, art, history, the best boarding schools, sailing, I learned about all of the places where I knew the extremely wealthy to go and the activities that I knew the younger wealthy men (and their fathers) to partake in. I've always hated a conversation where I'm off to the side and unable to participate because I'm not cultured and educated enough to, I've completely changed that by learning about all of the things I felt I needed to know to speak successfully.

An example of Queen Rania speaking beautifully and fluently with her lovely accent during an interview.

I added languages to my repertoire.

I've spent a lot of time around boys with fathers who are worth major money. I live on the same floor as a boy with a father worth $1.8B and I know one of the Princesses of Saudi Arabia. The one thing that both of them have in common is that they speak different languages fluently and that they're good at them. I decided to go on Duolingo and pick up Hebrew and when I found that I enjoyed it immensely and I was good at it, I began taking classes through my university and at a synagogue local to my university in Boston. I'm also converting and it's made my life much easier because I've found that I pick up conversational Hebrew easier and I enjoy it more.

The best boarding schools in the world teach their students languages and knowing how to communicate in different languages makes you seem high class and fancy. World leaders and the beautiful and cultured women and wives I've met know many languages, wealthy men want beautiful and cosmopolitan wives who are educated and knowledgeable about many things, they want women who they can show off and brag about. Knowing languages makes you seem very educated and like you have a privileged, cultured, and cosmopolitan background. The people I know from real wealth make it a point to know and speak languages that they've worked to learn well.

Foreign language films, shows, movies, songs, and other forms of media are a wonderful way to begin learning and comprehending another language.

I invested in magazines.

I'm currently subscribed to the Tatler, Condé Nast, National Geographic, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, The Wealth Collection, Bespoke, Sur•La•Terre, Portfolio, Prestige, Elite Traveler, Vanity Fair, Town & Country, and the Robb Report. I read and enjoy them all but I've found that The Tatler Magazine is one of the most important magazines I have ever read and I truly believe that it keeps me completely up to date with who's who and what's what in society and it has helped me in my journey towards leveling up immensely. The man I met and who I love dearly is also, incidentally, subscribed to the Tatler magazine. Magazines are cheaper than books, accessible online, and easy to read and enjoy in one sitting.

I've been to the homes of many very wealthy men and they all have subscriptions to magazines, I personally use magazines to read, keep me up to date with what's happening in society, and to make myself seem more cultured and involved in society. I don't read the common gossip magazines and I focus on articles and bits of knowledge that I feel will aid me and help me in my journey, not hinder me and make me feel like I'm not evolving and becoming more high class and cultured. One of my best friends keeps a copy of the Tatler on her nightstand and she's married extremely well and she believes in using magazines, that's why I've started.

One of my favorite online magazines, The Cut. 

XOXO,

Renata.

All my life I've dated very upper class, privately educated, old big money, well travelled, very egotistical men who wield their last names like an absolute weapon and know how to get exactly what they've always wanted. I've always had a very certain type and I married that type, here are three things I did to get there:

I wrote down what I usually went for in men:

I dated a few extremely toxic and I made a list of all of the toxic qualities they had. I wrote down the traits of my abusive and narcissistic ex boyfriends, I wrote down all of the things I didn't want to ever experience again, all of the things that I didn't like, all of the things that I knew I didn't deserve, and I wrote down anything extremely negative about my past boyfriends that I couldn't have in my future husband and couldn't experience in life again.

I also wrote down my "type" and what sort of guy I was usually attracted to. I've always gone for the same type of dude. As tall as the Seattle Space Needle and rail thin, pale as death with dark hair and pale eyes, thick black glasses frames, rings and jewellery, messed up teeth, and who wore black like it was a lifestyle. As soon as I'd identified that pattern, I went ahead and vowed to try something similar but completely different. Instead of going for the type of man I'd usually chase, I decided to try whoever was willing to chase me and give me the attention I felt I needed.

Lo and behold, Frederick is unnaturally tall, he was 35 lbs underweight when we met, he has brown hair and blue eyes, he has terrible circulation because he's so tall and he's deathly pale, he has the thick black glasses frames that I love, he wears rings and his watch (he also wears a chain that drives me WILD), he has teeth like some odd sort of rabbit man, and he does favour dark colours. He's the sort of man I've always been attracted to with all of the positive traits that none of the other men I'd ever dated had.

I gathered new interests:

The men I liked never really lived the sort of life that I lived because I'm a woman. I didn't play the sports they did and I didn't really know about them either so I learned. Tennis and Golf, I knew all about. Sailing, Polo, Cricket, and Basketball, I learned about thoroughly. Do I particularly care about those sports? No, but when I'm able to relate to a man about something they don't expect, they're always pleasantly surprised when I can easily talk about things that they're involved in and enjoy.

I also gathered some more niche interests to make myself more interesting. Do I actually have any interest in ornithology? Sort of, but if Frederick wants to be John James Audubon on our nature walks, I like to know exactly what he's talking about. I also read a lot about cars so I can talk cars with him and learn about his cars and hold the flashlight when he decides to try to show me an engine or something. I learned a lot about shooting as well, he's excellent at it and I don't trust myself handling something dangerous but it just fascinates me, he fascinates me. He learned about dinosaurs, dogs, and space to show me that he was interested in my favourite things, too.

I found my aesthetic and what I worked well with and decided to stick to what I had:

I solidified the soft look for myself: gold and diamonds, soft pinks, creams, camels, browns, golds, and whites, soft wedding glam makeup, glossy lips and false lashes, no body hair so badly done eyebrows, a soft high pitched voice, only heels and dresses, golfing, tennis, sailing, white bikinis, soft neutral acrylic nails, really feminine perfume, long loose hair, bad teeth, stockings, nice lingerie, long dresses, pageant stuff, gapped teeth, and sweetness. I like being seen as gentle and delicate, I like being seen as girlish and childlike. I don't like being seen as competent or an adult, I like to be seen as young and youthful and sort of a bimbo. Grandma used to call me Elle Woods.

I have an endocrine disorder and so my body didn't develop as a woman's naturally should. So I decided to work with the assets that I had instead of continuing to be ashamed. I hate to say it but a lot of men like the little girl look, when I tried to play it down, a lot of men who were into it liked me but when I played it up, I got quality men who weren't into girls who looked a fraction of their age.

I've basically curated my personal brand, there were things that I couldn't work around so I decided to work with and incorporate. No body hair? I draw on my eyebrows as badly as I can and I wear a wig that I love, I still think I look great. Weird voice? I can work with that, I pitch it lower when needed and leave it natural the rest of the time. Anything I was ever self conscious about was incorporated into the new me and my new aesthetic, I accepted myself and sort of learned to love me for me.

I put myself together, figured out what I wanted, gathered new interests, went out there, and got my best guy. I had to learn what my dealbreakers were and figure out what I really wanted in life before I got back to dating. I've always wanted to be the perfect trophy wife who stays home, travels everywhere, has everything she's ever wanted, drives a brand new Bentayga, and is married to her best guy. Ensuring that I knew what I wanted and knew who I wanted got me there. I'm married, I have the keys to the Baba Yaga (my Bentayga), I'm never in one place for too long, I don't even have to ask for what I want, and, most importantly, I'm married to my lovely Frederick and couldn't do life without him.

If you're organised, you know what you want, and you have a clear idea of how to get what you want, you'll get it. There are some other things that you need to know how to do, yes, but having a clear idea of what you want and need in a man, knowing how to present yourself, and gathering new interests and getting ready to do fun new things is so important. I'll write about where to meet men safely and how to identify good marriage material in the easiest and best way possible. I have a little bit of a guaranteed way that I used and that I have my friends use now.

I also plan on writing about the most important thing of all, how to avoid SEX TRAFFICKING. Oh my goodness, that's so important to me. There are so many women who go missing because they don't know how to positively identify men who have terrible intentions and there are so many bad people out there who are just waiting to take advantage of younger girls who think that they're good at heart and trust them. Anyways, I'll write about that soon.

My inbox is always open and feel free to ask me any questions or just talk to me. I'm always happy to help. give advice, or talk about anything to absolutely everyone who needs me or needs any sort of advice.

Love,

Love you 🤍🤍🤍

I'm back to living it! I tried the real world and hated it!

My Fave Five!



High Quality Lingerie!

This is the most important thing to own in my opinion, good lingerie is an absolute essential. I buy most of my lingerie from Secrets in Lace and I do the whole kit and caboodle. I match my bra, panties, garter belt, and corset (if I'm wearing one) and then I wear sheer stockings sans seam. Wearing a solid set of lingerie every day gets the job done like nothing else and it's attractive, matching all of your lingerie is both lovely and aesthetically pleasing, and it's the first step towards putting an effort toward your appearance. My Grandma used to buy all her lingerie from Carol Doda's Champagne and Lace Boutique when I was younger and she was constantly stressing the importance of always wearing high quality lingerie to me. Starting off your morning with a sexy set and ending your night with a saucy slip is part of the way to live your best life all the time.

High Heeled Sandals!

Another absolute essential. I grew up watching my Grandma do it all in 4-inch heels and I do the same. White sandals and nude sandals go with everything, I think that slingbacks do the job better than most because they're easier to wear and match to outfits. Men love feet and legs and high heeled sandals level up your game even more, matching your heels to your dress and having that extra boost of height with an emphasis on your ankles and feet is almost a necessity. The higher the heels, the closer to heaven, that's the rule, you need to know how to fully function in heels and be able to be graceful whilst on your feet. If you don't know how to wear a high heel, start out with a kitten heel until you're confident in your ability to walk, you don't want to fall or make a fool of yourself when you're supposed to be a graceful goddess. Avoid wearing closed toe heels and stick to open toed sandals so you can show off your pedicure beneath your stockings, that's the rule.

High Quality Makeup and Hair Products!

My Grandma taught me to always be willing to pay big money for quality makeup. From the time I was a little girl, I knew how to choose my colours and do my face up just like she did. I grew up on Nars, Tom Ford, Dior, Kevyn Aucoin, Yves Saint Laurent, Hourglass, Lancôme, and MAC. I have so many clear memories of going to makeup stores and standing at makeup counters with my Grandma, I remember the first ever lipstick I got from Charlotte Tilbury. Lashes were a huge part of the look, I personally love Ash Lash, Ardell, Kiss, and Velour Lashes for more wispy looks and I was always taught to heavily apply mascara and curl my lashes before I applied my falsies. Haircare is also so important, I personally wear wigs and favour them from 7Strands but I care for my hair using Oribe products, Olaplex, and Shu Uemura and I always use Mason Pearson and DryBar brushes. I tend to favour a bouncy blowout like Kate Middleton does and so rollers, a curler, hairspray, and a good blowdryer are always in my kit. Clear skin and a gel mani-pedi will also amp up your look and are absolute necessities, your face is the first thing you present to the world and your hand is the first thing a man shakes when you introduce yourself to him.

Lovely Dresses!

I cannot even begin to explain the allure of a nice dress. I personally am enamoured with how lovely ultra feminine fashion can be. I'm obsessed with so many of the Instagram accounts that are out there with beautiful representations of feminine fashion and all of the feminine dresses that have been put out on the market. Alex Simpson is one of my favourites for feminine style. Every woman needs at least a few lovely dresses in lovely colours. I personally never wear pants and so dresses are an absolute necessity for me and I love the way that they amp up my femininity to the max and lend me an allure that pants absolutely would not. You don't need to only wear vintage dresses, any beautiful dress will do, mini to midi lengths work the best alongside soft colours and patterns. There are plenty of modern dresses that will work wonderfully and make you look amazing when you're in them and you don't have to always wear long modest dresses to be feminine, there are plenty of short dresses that do it. 

A Signature Scent and a Special Jewellery Set!

A signature scent is absolutely necessary, I've always worn Givenchy's L'Interdit in light spritzes for a delicate vibe, my Grandma wore Creed's Fleurissimo which she applied with soft touches, and my favorite aunt wears Maison Francis Kurkdjian's Aqua Celestia. I personally believe in having one signature scent and applying it as needed for every situation, I much prefer to have one scent that people recognise me by then have to choose between a million different scents when I go to apply my perfume every morning. I also believe in having a signature jewellery set, I usually wear my favourite set of jewellery that Frederick has ever given me because I think it matches everything and it's easy to wear. I'm all about making styles simple and not feeling like I have to do a huge variety of outfits every week, I like to stay laid-back sometimes and travel light, it's obviously different at home but my main goal is looking put together and polished wherever I am. A set of jewellery and a signature perfume make life just a bit easier because you don't need to plan much in advance, you can put your outfit on and get going.

I have a bookshelf covering an entire wall filled with books about culture, religion, travel, and history. I've always been extremely interested in anthropology and human development and so I indulge myself and I take great pleasure in reading and enjoying my books, I have picture and photography books, cookbooks, and then plain old chapter books, I also have a lot of old books with out of date but brilliant info and I'm constantly circling back to enjoy them.

Knowing about the what's happening and what has happened has always lit my fire and I think that it's what makes me interesting. I'm a huge fan of history and I partake in a wide variety of hobbies that have to go with my interests and being able to not only read about what I love but go out and do what I love is just great and I always have a good time, it's helped me figure out who I am as a person, it's helped shape me into who I want to become, and it's made me much more interesting than I ever thought I would be and it's widened my intellect and made me much more open to all of the different aspects of life and culture.

Men like educated and cultured women and, luckily for you, you don't have to spend money to become either cultured or educated. There are so many free resources out there and ways to become what you need to be for free or very little that there's absolutely no reason why you should spend money on courses to tell you what you should be doing when you can learn on your own and you can customise your plan. The way you learn is up to you and you are the only one who can truly identify your interests and find where your passions lie, it's all up to you to figure yourself out and choose what you want to research.

Choose your first topic!

My Grandma used to say that once you understood history, anthropology, sociology, and psychology, you were already off to the start. I know she was right because she was the best of the best and those are the subjects she had her university degrees in. Everything begins to tie in after a while because humans have always evolved but we've evolved slowly, we've always had trends, we've always had fame and scandals, we've always had love stories, and our society has always moved relatively slowly.

I would focus on culture and society from the 1980s forward if you want a good starting point and you want to keep it relatively modern or you can start in the period that interests you the most. I would also focus on a certain culture to make things simple, there have been so many different subcultures throughout history that you don't need to go for the one that's been the most visible. If you enjoy dance and you don't want to focus on Balanchine and his endless bitching, why not learn about the variety of dances from different cultures all around the world? Go for niche interests if you want niche, just because something is much more visible doesn't mean that it's automatically the best choice out there for you.

You also don't have to focus on reality, you can choose to focus on mythology or art or film. Find a topic that you're passionate about and you genuinely feel like you could learn about and enjoy. I read the Percy Jackson books endlessly when I was younger and then I got into modern interpretations of Greek Mythology, I started reading the Greek Tragedies, and I am fully ashamed to say that I lived like I was in Ancient Greece for a month when I was like 10. My point is find something you genuinely love and then run with it. It could be anything, Dr. Ruth Westheimer made a legitimate career off of her passion for sex education and had a wonderful radio show. Choose something you love and get going with your learning.

Find an activity that relates to your topic!

I enjoy history, I always have and I always will, I grew up with a Grandfather that was in the Kriegsmarine (German Navy) during WWII and so I've learned about history from around the 1000s to the late 1950s and caught up from there. My hobby of choice is making accurate replicas of the different machines that were used during WWII. When I was 16, I made a set of matching enigma machines for Frederick's birthday that year. It's a bit of an odd hobby but it's one that I genuinely love and enjoy and it has endless emotional benefits for me and it comes with a wide variety of financial opportunities that I've taken to accepting as of late. It's something that I enjoy and can talk about endlessly when I'm in a social setting.

Let's say you decided to learn about MGM's silver screen sirens, you could make a scrapbook, you could watch old movies and then review them, you could recreate their outfits and scenes, and you could try to go to the places where they went and try doing the things that they did. If you love the Lord of the Rings or just J.R.R Tolkien in general, why not read the books he authored and the letters he wrote and get involved in an activity that would interest you. If you've just started learning about Arthurian Romances and you love them, why not plan to die like the Lady of Shalott? If you're learning about a specific religion, why not begin attending classes or services at a place of worship near you so you can learn and so you can have much more experience.

Indulge yourself! That's my point! There should be no gatekeeping when it comes to learning. If you have a passion, you should be able to indulge yourself and enjoy it. The best thing about learning on your own is that if you don't enjoy something, there's no shame in choosing something new, I can't tell you just how many times I've started to teach myself about something new and I've found that it doesn't really light my fire. If you love Versailles and you want to be Marie Antoinette and dress up in rococo style every day and learn French, what's stopping you? Nothing. You should be able to do what you want to do and learn about what you'd like to without ever feeling ashamed about your interests or your hobbies.

Gather your materials!

The best way to learn about a time period or a subject is by using the materials that would have been used by the people from that time or by finding legitimate resources. I personally get most of my books from libraries before I purchase them OR I write to experts on the subjects I enjoy and I politely ask them for recommendations. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you're using accurate information. You'll find that there is a lot of controversial material out there for every subject, everyone has different biases and different opinions, and everyone has different ideas. Often times, there's no one way that's correct and so you should strive to gather your information from a variety of different authors, videos, books, experiences, and other sources. I will say that there are usually some form of universally acknowledged truths and if a source ever outright denies something that is KNOWN to be 100% true by most, I would be extremely cautious.

Stop being afraid to reach out, most people LOVE to talk about their interests and if they don't, they simply could decide to not respond or give you a short reply, there's no reason as to why you should be afraid to reach out to people. My favourite movie came out in 1954 and the actress who played the main role is still alive, I decided to write to her and ask her questions and she replied with a long letter about how much she enjoyed my letter and she answered all of my questions and more and sent me photocopies of photos from her life and shots by photographers I'd never seen before and told me all about the dress I've always been obsessed with. If you enjoyed something and want to know more about it, reach out to people who can help you and look for opportunities to learn even more. There's no reason why a polite letter to a niche actor or author would ever be seen as weird, they would probably enjoy it. Frederick's Grandpa wrote replies to polite letters from all around the world until he passed.

I always say this but there are videos you can use to learn if reading isn't your favoured form of learning and you can throw yourself directly into activities if you feel like both reading and videos don't suit your learning style. If you're learning about dance and there's a way for you to get out and try dancing, why would you stay on screens and read books? If there's a museum near you, call and ask if they have a free or reduced price day and do the same if there's a ballet or opera company near you. There are ways to do things for free or for very little money and there are ways to gather materials online if you can't get to a library, there are ways to watch free videos and films, and there are even ways to enjoy books on tape and other audio recordings if you're unable to read for long periods of time but you're interested in certain books. Spotify, Hoopla, Libby, and so many other apps have sections for podcasts and Hoopla and Libby are through libraries and have a wide selection of audiobooks and virtual books. You can even find free PDF files online if you can't find the books you'd like for free through apps or in person at libraries.

Hello love xxxx

No I haven’t posted my full maintenance routine actually!

So about 8-9 months ago I totally overhauled and and upgraded my personal maintenance routine and decided I would only get my beauty treatments done at the top rated, most exclusive salons/clinics etc in the city (i’m a princess i know! Crucify me!!!)

Body - 4-5 times a week I do classes (45 min each) which are a blend of high intensity training, boxing (muay thai) and weight training. Super super hardcore but I always feel amazing afterward!! It’s the perfect escape for me and I love how unglamorous and grimy it is. A few times a week I do fasted cardio in the morning (45-90 mins powerwalking) usually when I’m intermittent fasting

Nails - I get shellac pedicures monthly (only shellac can withstand the boxing kicks!) usually in a beautiful baby pink! Generally I keep my fingernails clean and unpainted because of my near-daily boxing, but from time to time I do get a shellac manicure at a reputable salon to ensure it lasts as long as possible

Skin - gosh so complicated and long lol refer to my previous post I wrote up about skin! I started going to a new clinic once a month which does ultrasounds of my collagen/sun damage levels and alters my prescriptions and skincare serums accordingly to increase my collagen etc. Each facial is about 3 hours long, specifically customised to every client’s skin, and involves laser treatment between extractions and general facial product etc. I commit to a morning and night skincare routine which aims to boost my collagen, protect my skin from the sun, balance oil levels, double cleanse to remove all impurities. I also take Beaute Pacifique food supplement tablets twice a day, they have shark cartilage in them which is brilliant for your skin and I have noticed an immense difference from taking them. I’m super careful about being in the sun (I wear sunscreen even on rainy gloomy days), limit sugar intake, limit alcohol intake, and use Eve Lom muslin cloths to scrub my skin clean few times a week.

Skin: Body - I get laser hair removal on my body and only have a few appointments left until I’m completely done, generally I go every 6 weeks for my appointment. In between appts I use glycolic body scrub to slough off ingrowns etc and I use Weleda Skinfood body cream daily to keep my body moisturised and soft. In the shower I use L’Occitane almond shower oil to smell delish and dry brush my legs to stay 100% cellulite free! I also use Frank Body scrub in the shower 2-3 times a week to nourish and exfoliate my body. 

Hair: I wash my hair once a week (Tigi Bed Head shampoo) and use Coco & Eve hair masque once a week to keep it super soft - that mask is amazing! I leave it in overnight and wash it out with COLD water in the morning. So worth the money! After that I use Redken Anti-snap leave in treatment mixed with a bit of argan oil. I usually blowdry my hair once a week (I learned how to do a salon blowdry on myself), so generally after that I will apply Big Sexy Hair volumising mousse and Paul Mitchell Super Skinny serum as styling products. I use a Parlux blowdryer and GHD size 4 ionic brush to blowdry. I try to straighten my hair as LITTLE as possible and stick to a once-weekly blowdry. 

In terms of hair appointments, I get it trimmed in layers every 6-8 weeks and every few months I get it semi-permanently coloured in a dark chocolate brown. I usually pay around $350 per appointment because I only trust my hair in the absolute best of hands!

I also only sleep on a Slip Silk pillowcase with a Slip silk eye mask to keep my skin and hair in its best condition. 

In terms of other misc appointments, habits and grooming:

- Upper lip, neck and eyebrow wax once a month

- Gua sha after serum on my skin every night

- Max alcohol intake is 1-2 times a month

- Eating lots of salmon!

- Caudalie foot cream and always wearing slippers at home to keep my feet soft

- Deep tissue massage and foot reflexology every 6 weeks to keep my body feeling amazing

- Caudalie hand cream daily

I don’t get any work done on my eyelashes because they are naturally long & thick & don’t really need anything done to them. I limit my use of face makeup as much as possible and try to stay away from sugar as much as I can. Sugar kills collagen in your skin! 

I sleep 8-9 hours each night and make time every day to breathe in fresh air and enjoy the beautiful weather x

That’s pretty much everything! I think I hit pretty much all the bases, as u can see I’m pretty high maintenance lol and this is all excluding the maintenance I do for my clothing/shoes/outfits LOL! The dry cleaning and cobbler visits are a post for another day! 

Fill your closet with simple classic pieces:

Don't immediately begin buying tacky designer items and saving up for a closet filled with logos. Invest in nice affordable clothes that will last longer, look timeless on you, and are versatile. Having logos isn't everything, you don't want to be covered in them and it's nicer to be understated with one designer item than to be overstated with a full designer outfit and a designer purse. Owning a closet that you can actively wear and enjoy yourself in is key, you don't want to be held back because you're afraid of messing up your outfit and, in my opinion, girls who are just starting out don't need to have full closets filled with fancy things that they can't afford. What they need are a few solid classic essentials and a nice purse.

Some of those classic essential pieces are:

a lovely classic watch, diamond stud earrings, a high quality black turtleneck, well fitting yoga pants in dark colours for working out, a 36-inch silk scarf, a little black dress, a black mini skirt, skin tone seamless fishnet stockings, a white silk and lace camisole, a fitted and nicely cut white t-shirt, high heels that fit and flatter your feet, a pair of jeans that fits you like a dream, a strand of pearls with matching earrings, and a leather skirt/pants.

Be your own cosmetologist:

At this point in time, I personally pay around $2,000 (£1,500) monthly or more to have my hair done. Obviously, that's not going to be an option for everyone and so the simple solution is to learn how to do one's own hair, it's also extremely effective to learn how to do one's hair if you have ethnic hair and there are no ethnic stylists in your area. Knowing how to do your own sew in or how to refresh your box braids are skills that are completely underrated. Find your favourite style and learn how to do it on yourself and how to make it look like you're just stepping out of the salon.

Making the initial investment to buy nice hair care products and tools will pay off in the long run, learning how to do your hair perfectly and in the style you like will save you so much money and you can do styling on other people and make your money back. Having good shampoos, conditioners, and heat protectants as well as hot tools is an investment that'll go a long way, make your hair healthier, and leave you able to do your own hair in a pinch.

Same with acrylic nails, I pay $100 (£75) weekly to have mine freshened up and perfected and to have the colour either changed or repainted. Making the investment for a kit so you can do your own acrylics will save you money and you'll have another new skill. It's not hard to learn how to do simple sets of acrylics and you'll be able to do your own and do your fill-ins in no time at all. Making the investment and then conserving your money so you can save it and spend it on other things is a smart move, finding affordable ways to still have your favourite things is the way to go when you're just beginning to level up and enter society.

I'd also make this point for doing your own eyebrows and eyelashes, you can learn how but I would err on the side of caution. I've seen so many girls become way too zealous when it comes to threading their brows and then having to tint them and fill them in to make them look natural, same with eyelashes. I'll always be the first to ask you to be extremely careful whenever you're doing anything that involves your face and let a licensed professional take care of you, accidentally damaging your face or your eyes is not the way to go and it could lead to serious damage.

Begin taking etiquette classes online:

Now, I love a good etiquette class! You can find courses on YouTube or you can just follow Amy Vanderbilt but you need to know the proper etiquette for every situation you find yourself in. Knowing etiquette is a way to move up in the world fast and get yourself noticed. Instead of helping out at Benenden, I was invited to events because I knew how to compose myself, I had a lovely demeanour, and I knew how to get myself through the door and hold it together once I was inside the room. Knowing when to write a card, knowing how to compose a letter, knowing how to be gracious, and knowing how to set a table and act properly is extremely important. My mother has never been one to attend ambassadorial dinners with my father and so I would always attend, meeting so many influential people so young and knowing how to be on their level was key to my development.

We are all born the same way, we come out into the world with no knowledge of anything, and as we grow, we have to learn from our surroundings and from our parents. Obviously from that point on, we're all on unequal footing, you can become equal to others who are at a much higher status than you by learning what they have learned, albeit in different ways and at a different age. Grace Kelly didn't become the Princess of Monaco overnight, Kate Middleton was still doing fashion shows while she was at university and dealing with Prince William, Audrey Hepburn almost starved and was malnourished all through her teenage years because the Nazis had taken over Europe. Rome wasn't built in a day and the greats did not become great overnight. It takes time to learn but every girl can do it, you start from the bottom and you make your way up top and never look back.

Watch pageants:

This is one of my favourite things to do, watching Miss America and Miss Universe were highlights of my childhood and teenage years. The women who compete in those patterns usually aren't coming from much, they've had to build their way up and develop themselves to be able to step foot on those status. One year, Miss Venezuela's background was a two bedroom makeshift home, not enough food, and abundant poverty. She was one of the most poised and beautiful women that I've ever seen and she just shone on the stage and walked with such confidence and belief in herself, to me she was beautiful because she made it to one of the largest stages in the entire world and she was going to show the judges exactly what she was worth. Most of these girls don't speak English or are learning but they always answer the questions eloquently and with such care, they're prepared for every situation, and they make the most of every moment they have in front of the cameras.

Knowing how to work the stage, walk the walk, be eloquent in all situations, do your hair and make up perfectly, and get dressed for the occasion will get you places in life. If the pageant girls can do it, so can you. You'll have to learn but it's not hard once you begin. Even working on how you talk and walk in front of a mirror is a milestone, perfecting your posture, working on your smile and eye contact, and practising how you greet people is so important. There are so many videos on YouTube of pageants from all round the world as well as the major pageants, begin watching them and begin choosing your favourite contestants to follow and emulate. Having a goal in your head and having a woman who you'd like to match in poise, eloquence, and presentation is beyond important. Once you've met that goal, you'll be on your way to becoming your best self and knowing how to hold your own in any sort of situation.

Widen your social circle and try your new skills out:

Make friends with people that you don't know who are of a different status than you and try your skills out. I have many a social group and I've been making friends with people from all walks of life since I met Frederick and practising my skills, expanding my friend group, and just getting to know people that I've never met before. I consider it the absolute peak of fun and I always have a nice time hosting brunches and events if I'm not going to see them or attending theirs. Meeting as many people as you can and making more friends and connections will get you places in life, my Grandma always used to say 'why force doors open for yourself when there are other people out there who will hold them open for you?' and that's what I've done, I found a man who's willing to be sure that every door that I've ever wanted open is held open and ready for me to breeze through it.

There is this whole thing about keeping your social circle small and I don't believe in that at all, I've met so many people and attended so many important events through making friends and connections with people that I would've been too afraid to speak to before. Yes, I come from an extremely privileged background but I've always been very shy and demure and I had to get over that to get what I've always wanted. Speaking to everyone and working on how I present myself and how I treat others as a friend has been paramount to me, I had the same small circle of friends until I was 16 and then went to boarding. Meeting everyone, making connections, and becoming the woman who I have always wanted to be didn't happen with having a tiny circle. Yes, I have friends who I choose to keep closer to me than others but by no means do I have a small social circle. I've made it my point in this life to befriend as many people as I can and make as many connections as possible so that I always know what's up and always have something happening in my life. It's the way I live life and it's a way that works without much risk to you.

Grandma used to always tell me that a lot of wealthy men never expect to be called out on their bad behaviour which is why they say bad things. Whenever a man says something rude to you and thinks that you'll let it slide because of his status, you need to look down your nose at him with absolute contempt and say "what an absolutely disgraceful thing to say". Grandma called it the Nun Method, if a man wouldn't say something to a nun, he shouldn't be saying it to a woman who he's in the process of getting to know and if he's inappropriate, let him feel shame, it's what he deserves.

You put him in his place and you leave him there. Men who act badly and think that they can get away with it are never usually expecting to be called out or confronted, show them that you're not afraid of telling them that the things that they're saying aren't suited for your ears and you won't be hearing them. You shouldn't be afraid to shame a man like his mother would if he says anything that you take offence to or consider inappropriate in the situation.

When a man thinks that he's important enough for you to be able to glaze over the things he says, show him that instead of giggling and trying to play off your uncomfortableness, you have no issue looking him dead in the eye and telling him that he's said something so inappropriate that he's made you terribly uncomfortable and you won't excuse him for what he's said.

I've been in situations where men who make huge amounts are perfectly comfortable saying things that they shouldn't be saying, when I was 15 (before I met Frederick), I was at an event for my Grandpa's work and sitting with a bunch of men who I was terribly uncomfortable around. Grandma, Nana, and I were sitting away from Grandpa and the older men at our table started talking about sex, a topic tasteless to be speaking about in any situation but still, they were bragging about the things they'd done with the women they knew.

It was one of those situations where it was just so uncomfortable and no one was saying anything because Grandma, Nana, and I were sitting in the boys club. One of the men looked over to Grandma after making a particularly nasty comment about one of the girls he'd slept with and he said "What do you think about that one, Beatriz?" and I remember Grandma placing her soup spoon next to her salad spoon, dabbing at her lipstick, and replying in the calmest tone possible that absolutely just dripped with pure malice "I think you should shut your mouth, how dare you speak those disgraceful words in front of women". He apologised, the table was silent, and there was quite a bit more respect when the men started talking their conversation up again.

Men who are aggressive enough to make you extremely uncomfortable don't need to be coddled, they know what they're doing and they need to be put in their place. You should not have to feel like you should have to deal with or listen to any explicit remarks or comments around you or directed at you. If you're being made uncomfortable, you need to assert yourself and inform the man who's making you uncomfortable that he should watch his words when he's in your presence.

If you're not comfortable telling men that they should be ashamed, what you should do is ask for an explanation behind what they're saying. When any man is asked to explain any sort of inappropriate joke or comment he's made, it become significantly less amusing and the awkwardness of having to get into the semantics of what's made you uncomfortable will make him uncomfortable as well. If any man currently on this planet says anything inappropriate to you, make him sweat. Ask him the reason behind his words, make him just as uncomfortable as he's made you, and assert yourself as a lady who won't have explicit words spoken to her or in her presence.

Grandma grew up the youngest of eleven, she lived in a one bedroom in the slums of Argentina, and they were poor poor. She'd always talk about how worrying about food was a way of life, if she wasn't always thinking about where to get her next meal, she was thinking about what it would taste like. She said that she weighed 110 pounds at 6 foot 1 because she was so malnourished.

She married the first man that she met who she thought could provide, moved into a thirteen room villa on a vineyard, and had enough jewellery to rival Elizabeth Taylor. She travelled everywhere, she met everyone, and she did it all with the man she loved.

I grew up with photos of her in Monaco, Capri, Paris, and Switzerland. She had a house wherever she liked, and I was raised between Glencoe (IL), Bloomfield Hills (MI), and Atherton (CA). Grandma believed in wealth and living the good life and that's what we did.

Grandma knew what wealthy men looked like and she knew how to snag them, she was firmly of the opinion that you didn't need to be physically beautiful to get a good wealthy man, you just needed to be put together and be able to think on your feet in any situation.

Without further ado, here's what I know from the greatest woman I have ever known, almost all the rest pale in her shadow.

Top 5 places to meet wealthy men:

Country Clubs and Golf Courses:

A lot of really high end country clubs and golf courses don't have enough young female members. As a result, if you ask, you can take advantage of their services for student prices.

Golfing, tennis, badminton. You don't need to know anything but the basics, the men there are always desperate for women to teach and guide. If you can look lost and request a partner, you're already in the door.

If getting a membership is out of the question because of the exclusivity of the club, go for a job as a caddie and flirt and rack in the tips while you're at it, technically it's working two jobs so be sure not to stress over the small things.

Museums and Art Galleries:

Museums and Art galleries tend to have events and art shows that cater to their patrons. If you get a student pass, you'll be able to access a plethora of events at your local museum or gallery.

My local museum has wine nights, private showings, artsy films, and little dinner clubs and events to facilitate relationships within communities and people from different backgrounds. They also have talks and lectures about the art that they have.

A lot of single men go to these events and they're all really invested in meeting people and enjoying the art. It really depends on where you live and which museum or gallery you go to but all of the men I've ever met at these events have been extremely kind and so nice.

Specialty and Private Clubs:

This is what worked for me. I met Frederick at the Oxford and Cambridge Club in London and I was the only girl under 65 in the room. He also keeps his membership at 5 Hertford and White's and I have mine at Annabel's. There are private clubs all over Europe and the USA.

Private Clubs are THE place, sometimes they hold events for limited numbers and people who aren't members can attend talks and events, they always have high profile men on their rosters, and they're quiet places for good conversations. I find it easier to talk to a man in a quiet and chill area than in a noisy area and private clubs after a good lecture always tickled my fancy and gave me that opportunity.

Again, if you can't easily gain access, grab a job as a bartender. It's great money and it gives you the opportunity to learn a new skill, meet new men, and earn a good amount of money to help your life move along easier.

Dog parks in high end areas:

Look up your city, find the wealthiest neighbourhood in that area, and go on a little walk. Go to a dog park with your dog if you have one and get to socialising with the locals. My cousin and I used to walk my dog and her cat to our favourite dog park in Atherton and the men there were all single tech execs who drove expensive cars that they didn't know how to park correctly and were really sort of odd compared to us.

Dog parks give you the opportunity to be in an environment where you're outdoors and around dogs, you have something built in to talk about and you don't need to grasp at straws. The conversation will flow smoothly as long as you're sure to start it off with the one thing you know that you both have in common.

Classes:

That's right, pick up a hobby. Be it a financial literacy class given in the financial district of your city, a pottery class in the arts district, or learn how to sail from a sailing club. Do activities that will make you seem interesting and already have the conversation built in.

Grandma always used to say that you should be active and on your feet when you were meeting men and doing things that could spark conversation but could also easily cut a conversation off if you felt uncomfortable.

There are so many classes and activity clubs in every city, all you have to do is choose an interest, get involved, and get to meeting people. If you have a niche interest, indulge get, if you want to develop an interest, try them all until you find one that you really like.

Five things I don't recommend:

Dating from communities you're involved in unless you're sure it'll work, don't try to reap the benefits without being wary of the consequences.

Having sex immediately or participating in risky sexual behaviours, save that for later and don't feel like you're obligated to do anything.

Drinking in excess or accepting drinks that you haven't seen prepared from a man you don't know. Keep yourself safe around strangers.

Meeting men in hotels or hotel bars/restaurants. Sometimes it works but it's not worth the risk of being made to feel like you have to go upstairs if you don't want to.

Don't date married men, they'll never leave their wives, they're proven dirtbags, and if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

Only dating men inside of your ethnicity. Don't let race or culture hold you back, try a bit of everything and settle on what you like.

Know your style:

I'll be extremely flat out here, I have a very high pitched breathy voice, I was sick when I was younger and come off as fragile (even though I'm 5'10 and weigh 143 pounds), I have long hair, I wear a lot of makeup, I come off as innocent and gentle and because of that, I've practically been infantilised by men my entire life. I'm more than perfectly capable but I knew that I wanted a man who'd treat me like I'm baby because I'm baby.

I wear very girly outfits, I've done a lot of research onto things that I'm interested in, and I've honed my personal style down to perfection. That's what works for me, I know what I have to work with and so I work with what I have, I'm married to my best guy now.

There's a science to it, you take what you have, work with it, hone it, and refine yourself and your interests. You don't need to be tall, blonde, or beautiful. All you need to be able to do is trick yourself into being confident because if you believe you're confident, you will be. You need to be able to be disciplined enough to make yourself the best you can be.

Men like women who are put together, intelligent or who are willing to learn, and who know what they're doing or are able to pretend that they know what they're doing to the point where they're not faking it, they're making it.

Know what your boundaries are:

Don't put yourself in situations that you're not going to thrive in or enjoy. If someone asks you out and wants to do something that you're not comfortable with, just say no. Don't make yourself go through things you don't want to.

Don't give men the chance to disrespect you. There's really no real reason that gives men the right to treat you badly. Literally, my cousin has Tourette's and he's worked on himself to the point where he says "Niger" like the country instead of the racial slur that adds an extra G. There's no excuse to allow men to treat you badly because if they can get away with it, they'll just keep escalating their abuse.

If you have not met someone enough during daylight hours and know enough about them to be completely comfortable, please do not meet them at night. The night brings out the worst in people and if you're not steady and comfortable with someone during the daylight, there's no way that you should be meeting them it's dark and it's harder to escape them.

This is a touch late and I promised that I'd post it when I was done but I decided to do some talking and some research and get more opinions. These are all of my own opinions and from my own experiences so I'm not going to debate with anyone and this is the first part of a piece that I posted to my group at the start of the week so if things are just a bit too specific, I'd be happy to clarify them or provide help. I gathered information from a variety of women I met at clubs around my age (19 to 27) and of a variety of different ethnicities so I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp of how women who made it into high society on their own did it and what they would recommend.

Personality comes first!

Looks are going to come later on when it comes to ethnic women, they aren't the most important. Your personality is absolutely the most important thing when you first get into high society. Extremely wealthy and high society white men will usually always look at your achievements and try to get a grasp on your personality before they worry about your beauty. I was just off being the sickest I've ever been when I met Frederick and he didn't care one bit about the way I looked, he was more interested in my hobbies and he loved how bright and bubbly I was. Make sure to have at least one interesting hobby and a few niche interests to talk about and make sure that you're able to actually speak about them in depth. Interests, goals, and personality will outweigh beauty every time, it's about being interesting and beautiful inside first, physical beauty doesn't make up for an ugly or unkind personality and anyone can be beautiful but having interests will set you apart.

Stop constantly second guessing yourself now!

I get far too many asks from women asking me if XYZ sort of white men like ethnic women, here's the thing, go ahead and just assume that all men like ethnic women, most heterosexual men love all types of women and if they go out of their way to dislike women of different ethnicities, don't worry about them, they're not men, they're just racists and they didn't deserve you anyway. Lack of confidence is what makes you less desirable, not your skin tone, if you're comfortable in your own skin and you're proud and happy to be who you are, that's what'll draw people to you. Don't try to shove yourself into a mould and try to become the perfect hypergamous woman or trophy wife, stay true to who you are and be yourself, men will want you for who you are and if they don't, there's a man out there who will love you and treat you better than any man out there will.

Figure out who you want!

There are so many different types of men in high society, they have different careers, they have different interests, they have different hobbies, and they're men of different ethnicities, looks, backgrounds, and cultures. It's your job to try to get a grasp on what sort of man you want and then figure out the best way to get asked on your first date by him. I'm fond of speaking to black women at clubs before I write my posts to get a grasp on things and more opinions so from what I've heard, the easiest way to get a lot of attention is to be slim and have an overtly feminine look. White men will not care about your face, they'll care about the stereotypical trophy wife look and that usually means having long hair, being slim, being done up, and being feminine. I was told to explicitly state that there will always be a few exceptions but that the majority of the time, slim black women will always be favoured more than plus sized women. I had that experience when I was going through my medical treatments, I was super in shape, I got big and was treated with absolute pity, and now that I'm thin again, it's like I'm back to being beautiful and worthy of positive attention from men.

Invest in a few nice dresses and a solid pair of pumps!

I have a lot of lovely brightly coloured dresses and a pair of pumps that I love. I wear my hair long, I wear a lot of makeup, I wear some of my simple jewellery, I spritz on some perfume, and I carry a nice little purse. It's a very simple set and it's very weather girl of me but it always works and if I was actively looking for a man who wanted the perfect image of a wife, I have no doubts that I could do it fast. Sigyn's fiancé has an inheritance worth $250mil in the bank and he has plenty of his own money, she met him wearing a simple dress, stockings, heels, and a simple purse. You don't need to go all out or do too much, you should just have a few investment pieces that you can use to mix and match with your dresses. Simple is the best sometimes and it can be much easier to wear simple sets than to set up elaborate outfits.

You won't find any quality high society man online!

Unless he cheats, he's probably not going to be on Tinder or Bumble or Hinge or Luxy or whatever the popular sites are these days. I can't name a single man I know who's of extreme affluence who's on a dating app, Frederick doesn't know what "Timdor" is, and none of the black women I've asked at clubs have met their men online, doing it all in person is the way to go and my cousins prefer to go ahead and do it all that way. It's easier to make a connection in person, and it's easier to set a date and secure the relationship and the bag if you're face to face instead of going through screens where you can be led on forever or catfished or forced to scroll through dating apps and websites all day, the internet is dead and I'm going to stop elaborating on this now, get off your phone and go out into the world, I suggest clubs, sororities, making friends, and having a variety of activities for a very clear reason, you need to get out into the world and start experiencing life, if you stay online, you're allowing life to just pass you by and there will come a point where you start to feel like it's too hard to rejoin society or even leave home.

Invest in just a few fancier things for your routine!

Instead of spending a bunch at Bath and Body works, invest in two or three luxury perfumes, upgrade your haircare and makeup products, get a few cute pieces of jewellery from Saks or cute boutiques, and stop ordering online and actually go OUT and get these things. Avoid paying for shipping and go out with friends and treat yourself, find things that you like, try things on, and experience things. Save your money and spend wisely, obviously, but you should be making an effort to get out. If you have to do everything online and you're afraid to go out and be seen shopping, how do you expect to go to clubs? If you're afraid to talk to salesgirls, how will you talk to affluent men? You need to go out, you need to invest in yourself, and you need to have things that will level up your look. You need to be comfortable in your own skin and going out will help with your social skills, one thing ties into another and so on and so forth, invest in a few nice products and try to invest in your social skills while you're out at it.

Begin a full body skincare and grooming routine!

Use thick cream on your body everyday, stay smoothly shaven, exfoliate, use hot washcloths and try to avoid picking at any body acne, I've heard that Dove and Ivory soap and hot washcloths are the best for making sure that the scent from the soap stays with you, and take care of your body. Use sunscreen all over and keep your body clear of any rashes. If you have eczema or psoriasis, find products that will help your skin and that don't irritate it, I've heard cetaphil is gentle and works wonders. For your facial skin, find a skincare routine that works, all of my skincare products are from The Ordinary and I avoid using scented or heavy products with a lot of added or unnecessary chemicals, I use pure chemicals, ice, sunscreen, my gua sha, and a thick hydrating lip balm. Take care of your natural beauty first, makeup is around for a reason but you should always take care of your base before you worry about your looks.

Don't run and spend stacks on everything!

Even though I've just told you to invest in things, that's what I mean, buy things that are investments. You don't need to go out and blow all of your money on an entirely new wardrobe, designer purses and shoes, fancy jewellery, all sorts of plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancements, and all of that, you just need to make a few nice investments. You can rewear and repurpose things, your closet probably has suitable clothes now that just need to be styled correctly, and any outfit can be made feminine. Sigyn loves to wear this beautiful outfit entirely from H&M and Zara and men always go out of their way to tell her she's lovely and women always compliment her. I have a $60 tennis dress that I love that Frederick is obsessed with, and some of the most beautiful pieces of jewellery I've seen have been carefully picked from department stores and clearance racks. Don't spend money you don't have, you don't need to level up everything you have, invest and spend wisely and focus on your financial security and stability, it's imperative that you do.

Stop listening to Anna Bey and giving her your coins!

Oh my God, I say this far too often but don't bother with Anna Bey or her school of femininity. She's been exposed far too many times and when you start to read about her, it'll become obvious that she's unhappy with herself and isn't following her own advice. Don't spend money on hypergamy or femininity schools, don't spend money on levelling up groups or content from people who have not taken the steps or aren't able to level up, and use what free resources you can before going and spending money you can save. I've been asked a number of times why I don't charge for advice, make a paid patreon, or start another group that women can pay to get into now that my private group is closed, I always say that I won't make women pay for the knowledge that I've gotten for free and that I'm constantly still evolving and levelling up, I am 20 years old, do you really think that even though I have a good man and a good life that I'm fully developed and truly know what I want? No, and that's one of the reasons why I don't charge, the second being that I'm inconsistent and I know that I don't have the time to run another group. Anyway, use your free resources and books to get it going. I believe in you and you can do it, we all had to start somewhere and you have to find a point to start going forward from.

Learn that people don't care where you came from, they care about who you and what you are now!

This is the most important thing. I rarely talk about this but I was pretty severely abused up until my Grandparents adopted me and I was taken into their care. I don't remember anything before they took me in but I have cigarette burns on my chest and other obvious signs of abuse, I was severely ill for years, and my birth family is sort of messed up. If you're open and honest from the start, men will love you for who you are, they won't care about where you came from. Pedigree and elegance can be designed to your liking, not every woman who made it into high society was born into it. I've met Rwandan and Ethiopian ladies who made it through genocides, I've met Bosnian ladies who made it through really awful concentration camps and genocides, I've met ladies who have survived the collapse of their countries and destructions of their homes and families, I've met physically disabled ladies and ladies with mental differences and ladies with illnesses, and I've met ladies who have known and experienced terrible poverty and have had terrible pasts but have risen up and done just fine. You shouldn't have to lie about your past, you can choose not to divulge what you've been through but you should feel able to embrace your past and you should be comfortable speaking about things, there's no point in being around people if you can't be who you truly are and talk about what happened in your past and how you became who you are now. Not everyone has the privilege of having had a good past, you should be able to come to terms with anything that's happened to you and feel like you're around people who are safe and who will love you regardless of how bad things were for you.

Be cognisant of the emotions of others!

You need to be empathetic, caring, accepting, compassionate, and an active listener. You need to care about people and treat them like they're people, not just wallets or endless opportunities. You're not going to succeed or do too well if people feel like you're just using them. You need to be a lover and a friend and you need to be able to show that you belong in their circles because you're their friend. I had the misfortune of talking to a woman who I know will never win or be satisfied because she was of the opinion that the easiest way to understand a man's heart was to break it, the issue with that is that you're going out of your way to hurt people who probably don't deserve your wrath or the weight of your issues and you're hurting yourself in the process, why have a broken love with a man that you've broken when you could be in love with and be loved by someone who loves and supports you as you support and love them? You know who you are now but not what you may become in the future, always strive to be better and treat others better, you'll find that being compassionate and having a sparkling reputation will benefit you much more than being frigid and pushing people away so you can look like you're exclusive. It's always better to be lovable rather than popular, genuine rather than false, and to speak kindly, act sincerely, and to always speak considerately and act consistently. Your reputation defines you and you need to be a woman worth her word and a trusted friend, if you're not, you'll lose out big in the long run.

That's all for now!

I've been quite busy lately but I plan to post an outfit guide or two today and then post an ask that I was sent that I think is important for me to answer. It'll go more into depth about why beauty doesn't really end up being the first thing that super affluent men want and it'll have more of my own experiences from clubs and I'll talk about my Aunts, my Grandma, and a few of my cousins and how they've never ever had any issues and how they made up for what they lacked in looks with hobbies, interests, good presentation, and achievements and accomplishments. I think it's really important for me to stress how being jaw-droppingly beautiful and nothing else isn't going to benefit you, regular society is extremely looks based but you'll see that looks are last on the list in truly high society and that even if you're beautiful, you won't go far without a heavily loaded resume and plenty of achievements.

A white button down dress:

Frederick loves me in white, he loves me wearing dresses as well. So I'd usually wear a white dress for visiting him in London. I'd wear sheer tights to make my legs look amazing and a petticoat underneath it to make it billowy and fancy. I liked to be poised and polished in case he needed to go into work or anything or he wanted to take me somewhere nice but I also liked to be casual enough for a picnic or to tour homes or to just relax with him. A white dress was easy to dress up or down and I knew that I'd match him anyway.

White Veja Sneakers:

I'll confess to it, I wore white Vejas sneakers to meet him on several occasions but ONLY when he'd call ahead to ask what I was wearing and I'd get out of him that he was planning on wearing his white vejas. I have an absolute forbidden love affair with Vejas and so I'd ditch my trusty heels for them when I was going on day trips away from my home in Benenden.

A high pony with a white scrunchie:

I'd throw my hair up in a low ponytail, add a pony extension, pop a scrunchie on, and call it a day. It was half because I loved the way Frederick would wrap his hand around it to pull my head closer to him as we kissed and the way that he'd tug on it to tease me and half because I hate the way that my hair feels against my neck when it's hot out and I hate the way my hair touches my ears. The scrunchie was for cosmetic purposes and the white of it made my hair look thicker and longer as well as secured my entire hair style and made it look much more put together.

My Usual Jewellery:

I always wear the first Van Cleef and Arpels set that Frederick ever bought me. Gold and Diamonds for the earrings, virginity ring, 4 bracelets for each of my scars, and necklace. There's nothing more special to me than the first jewellery he ever bought me and I wear my first set almost every day so I keep him close to my heart whenever he and I are apart.

My White YSL Purse:

It's just one of my everyday purses, it's white, it matches all of my white outfits easily and as a bonus, it has gold hardware to match all of my jewellery. I love YSL purses and so I wear them often. I never really brought along much, extra makeup, perfume roller, Altoids, extra money and cards, and 2 forms of identification. I really had it to pull my outfit together.

Makeup and Nails:

My favourite makeup look but with not as much eyeliner and much more laid back lashes. This is the look that I've become an absolute pro at doing since I found it on Instagram and this is the look that I am beyond in love with and obsessed(!!!) with recreating!! My nails were always just a plain French manicure, Frederick loves consistency and cleanliness when it comes to my makeup and nails.

I personally really favour the type of classic beauty that my Grandma raised me on, it was a type of beauty purely based on convenience and working with what you already had going on. Everyone in this world has beautiful features and has the ability to have a beautiful personality, I can't name a single person who I've ever seen who doesn't have something beautiful about their face or something unique, everyone has the ability to beautify their features but not everyone has or wants the ability to change the features that they already have. I've found that some of the happiest people I've met are the people who are content with their looks and who have done what they want instead of obsessing over tiny imperfections and impossible standards of beauty. It's much easier to love yourself than try to love an idealised image of who you think you should be and who you probably wouldn't love if you were.

My Grandma was, with all respect, a Hapsburg reject. She had terribly red sunken in eyes, heavy brows, lips that were overly puffy and a mouth filled with crooked teeth that were also much too large, she had a nose that was like a harpy's beak, she was far too tall, she was built like one of those spindly old painted lady Victorian houses in San Fransisco, and she was really really odd looking, she was not the conventional picture of beauty at all but she was beautiful anyway. She made herself beautiful to the point where people are still able to remember her for her beauty and class and frequently mention her to me when we cross paths. She was known for being beautiful without actually having a Helen of Troy face and I'm quite sure that men would have gone to war for her and launched ships if she had asked them to. She had a lot of secrets but here's how she did it all.

She focused on her skin!

One of her best features was her clear as glass porcelain white skin. She had a sunscreen routine that she followed daily without every missing a single day or a single step and she was extremely careful to always drink water. She drank a huge amount of water every day and was extremely careful to have over 3 litres daily so that her skin would glow. She didn't drink alcohol unless she was in a very large social setting and she really had a preference for clear water with additives. She'd have a glass of iced water with liquid chlorophyll and lemon wedges every morning, then she'd have iced water with a touch of unsweetened cranberry juice, she'd have spa water lemon with cucumber and pear slices, she'd have chilled water that she'd allowed watermelon to soak in overnight, she'd make spa water with lime wedges and blackberries, spa water with muddled mint and pineapple, and then she'd have all of the other types of hyaluronic acid amd collagen water infusions that she'd make throughout the day. She was very careful about staying hydrated because her skin looked best when she was overly hydrated. She often had treats of Botox and she loved it dearly but she otherwise had no wrinkles, spots of age, or serious imperfections with her skin.

She took care of her hair!

She had long thick hair that went to her waist. I remember this the most about her, it was thick, heavy, healthy, and glossy with no split ends or dry parts. It was as smooth as glass and it was one uniform colour with no discolouration or tainted strands. She tried to avoid the hair salon because she thought that she was the best at taking care of her hair and she'd buy her favourite hair products and add all sorts of nice natural additives and soak her hair in fermented rice water and essential oils so that it would gleam with health. In the warm months, she'd buy these thick Aloe Vera leaves and chill them before smashing them up to coat every strand of her hair and in the winter months, she'd use a hair mask of egg whites, crushed violet leaves, and turmeric to brighten and strengthen her hair. She wore her hair in this thick plait tied at her crown with three satin ribbons which she weaved through her braid to tie at the end so she didn't have to use elastic ties or wear a headband to keep it from blowing in her face or flying away from her to get trapped in little crevices.

She wore what suited her!

She had this very particular fitted white wrap top but it was collared and made from dressy material and had short sleeves. I know she had it made by a tailor and she had so many of that same top with that tiny pearl button to keep it wrapped tightly and to expose just the proper amount of her chest, she had a few long sleeve versions of that same top for the more formal days when she'd follow my Grandpa to work but that top was her top. She had all of her clothes in her casual and work wardrobes tailored to perfection and people knew her for that. I recently met an old colleague of my Grandpa's and he was 97 and still able to perfectly recall seeing her step off an elevator in her stockinged feet wearing the top, the perfectly tailored jet black Tom Ford pencil skirt she adored, and a pair of the louboutins she hated in her hand. This old colleague was adamant that he'd never met a woman who could do it like she could, they simply didn't exist and he didn't want to believe that they were out there, it didn't seem possible to him. She also had a full casual wardrobe filled with light colours but I'll avoid going into that, she was truly able to do it like no other woman and she never just bought from the rack, she would have her clothes tailored and she would sew her own clothes and she put so much care into the way she looked every day.

She took care of her eyes!

She had an entire eye routine. She took supplements and ate foods that would support eye health, she used eye drops and often went to see her ophthalmologist and optometrist, she had special glasses, sunglasses, and contact lenses, she used a variety of sunscreens around her eyes to protect them, and she was extremely conscious about her eye health and she always looked for the best ways to support her eyes. She was careful to avoid eye strain and so she often let them rest and she never did anything in low light, she believed that her eyes were her windows to her soul and so she used the best products available on the market to adorn them and beautify them and she had these strikingly white straight brows to shock you into remembering her and she succeeded, people remembered her eyes. She was gifted a set of gorgeous paintings of Mars and Neptune swirled together and separate in watercolour from a friend of my Grandpa's back in the 70s entitled "A Series of Photos from the Red Planet for the Red Woman" and she loved them. People remembered her that vividly and still do.

She collected various perfumes and scents!

Whenever we would travel, she would always go looking for local perfumeries and perfume makers. She didn't really like to buy from Saks or go to Nordstrom, she liked to smell like she was a foreign creature from a forbidden land. She would always layer the different scents that she'd buy and make this intoxicating fragrance that would follow her and wait to sneak up on the noses of unsuspecting admirers. She would never wear too much perfume and her trick was wearing just enough to entice people to lean in and try to catch a hint and watch her pulse flutter in her neck just under where she'd applied it. She loved scents that were descriptive. When we were in Morocco one year, I remember walking through the bazaars with her in the absolute scorching heat with ice melting down her dress and her wafting various ceramic pots under my nose and telling me that one scent would make her smell like the first sip of cool water flowing down a Bedouin's throat after a long trip in the flaming desert but another scent layered on top of that would make her smell like the golden firebird that stood watch and waited to sing its welcome at the Gates of Paradise.

There was a certain way in which she always spoke!

Her accent was stilted and affected by poverty and so she adopted this way of speaking that was sexy. She'd breathe out words and speak softly, she'd sound words out and make them sound exotic and exciting, and every word she spoke promised a fantastic adventure. She would never only speak English, she mixed in German, Spanish, Sinti, Italian, and French and she was fond of using words she'd read in old books that people weren't used to and she loved speaking about events and other things. Everything had to be descriptive with her, nothing could ever be bland and boring, life to her was this colourful adventure and so she spoke like she was this crown jewel and people loved it. She spoke like she was a silver screen siren and she was able to tell a story like no one else, I think it came from growing up poor and then having to create a life of her own and go on her own adventures but it worked for her, she was a songbird and she spoke like one. What she didn't do, was take all of the oxygen from the room, her listening skills and her understanding were unparalleled and she was able to hear people without them having to ask to be heard. She was always sure to let people speak and then take time to listen and carefully comprehend their words because it was polite and respectful and she was classy, that one trait made people love her, she spoke and was heard and she listened when the time came and understood every word. She was attentive and understood that people would always admire and appreciate positive attention and pride from her.

She kept her memory fresh, fast, and sharp!

She would collect information about people and remember it like there was no tomorrow. When someone introduced themselves to her after having met her before, there was no need for her to pretend that she remembered them, she did. She would always go into detail about them and write down the things about the people she'd met so she could say things like "Oh, you're Mrs. Lemon from the gala at the club in New York City with the daughter marrying the banker and the son living in Berlin, you wore that gorgeous chiffon Dolce and Gabbana dress the night we met!". She didn't only do this with important people, she did this with everyone because she considered everyone to be of importance to her. From the workers at the stations where she'd stop in to catch her trains in the mornings to the workers at the opera and ballet houses she went to, she remembered and made sure to recognise the biggest of the big fish and the littlest of the little fish. There was no one who she could not communicate with, she would find a way. Her nail lady of 20 years spoke only Bosnian and so my Grandma had no issue with making trips to the Balkan market near us for all of her translation needs so she could help her friend get her English and her citizenship in order. She recognised that people appreciate effort above all and so she always put the most effort she could into all of her conversations and daily interactions to show people how much she cared about her fellow inhabitants of the planet and make them feel like they were seen. She prided herself on being a good friend, a good mother, a good wife+partner, a good sister in law, and a good neighbour to all she met.

Her equation for classic beauty was working with what she had and then using her personality to influence people into believing that she was physically beautiful. Everyone she met always called her gorgeous and proclaimed that she was the most beautiful woman in the room but she was always happy to admit that the true the fact of the matter is that she was not. She just perfected what she had been born with and beautified herself with what she could, she treated everyone like they were worth ten million dollars in unmarked bills, a chartered flight on a private plane, and a successful escape plan, and she was able to look at people and make them feel seen and listen to people and make them feel heard. That was her secret to being a forever classic beauty.

She never thought anything was a DIY, she always considered every situation to be a IDW, an I'll do it with you and she treated every situation like they were matters of importance, nothing was ever silly.

Lots of Love,

Linsi.

I use hot rollers to set my hair into 1940s big Hollywood curls. I use a vintage brush and comb to take it them down and really get into that vintage glamour mood. Do I put on some louboutin heels while I’m doing it? Yes. Why do you ask?

I’ve become a red lipstick wearer. Crazy how such a small change in this one detail of my makeup routine has made such a huge impact. I feel 10x more polished and put together when my lips are red. I’ve been a lip tint girl for so long that it felt crazy at first, but now that I’m used to it, I can’t go back ♥️

A cat eye and blushy cheeks are a must. I love looking rosy. Lashes when I feel like putting them on, simple brows, some concealer and a touch of powder. Easy but impactful.

My favorite part of my outfit is the thigh high stockings and garter underneath, especially when paired with a cute pair of panties. This has also become a daily thing for me and I am not going back. Skirt, dress, pants, pajamas, doesn’t matter. I love the gentle pull of the garter straps and I love seeing it peek out the top of my skirts, or just looking at it straight on in the mirror before I’ve put clothes on. I’m very leggy and wearing stockings and garters add such a huge va va voom. Literally obsessed.

My collection of vintage marabou heeled slippers is ever growing but I can’t help it! Click clacking around the house is way too fun. And when I’m wearing my long floor length robe and satin nightie it just feels so incredibly fab.

I always have something Chanel on. Chanel perfume has been my staple for years now, but I also love their body lotion, body wash, and (some) skincare items as well. Sunglasses, bag, shoes, something must be accounted for. I don’t know why but some cute Chanel earrings and a spritz of perfume puts me in my “on” mode, even if I’m staying at home. I’m just not quite done without a touch of something Chanel.