andd(ga)y

meanwhile dm:

And then Alby. Alby is also connected to Ruben through violence. Alby is the first boy Niall has shown interest in. Ruben encourages Niall to go after Celeste because Celeste isn't a threat to what he has with Niall. Alby is. And even if Ruben was not capable of recognising that for what it was, he knew in the deepest part of his soul. And so when he saw Alby shove Niall, even though it was very obviously an accident and Niall tried to pull Ruben away, Ruben was willing to knock Niall unconscious so he could freely display his rage and scar Alby's face. And like Mona, that connects Alby to both Niall and Ruben. And the thing is, we never really see the result of how Alby and Mona have been affected by the violence outside of their interactions with Niall. Because both from a Doylist standpoint and a Watsonian standpoint, they are ideas that Niall and Ruben project on. They are not fully realised people. And it's not just Alby and Mona that Niall and Ruben do this to. Every person in their orbit is affected by it to some degree. But it's Alby and Mona that are connected to both Niall and Ruben and provide a link for those two to each other. In a way, it could be argued that in order to be free and live their own lives, Mona and Alby needed Niall and Ruben to be permanently gone from theirs.

When watching Ruben and Niall establish their connection, it becomes very clear that it is more than brotherly. I mean, the homo-ness of it all is literally screaming at us! But because they both live in a time where that was forbidden, it comes out through subtle and disguised ways. One way that it comes out that is so intriguing, is through the use of women, specifically how Ruben uses women to sexually connect to Niall.

The first instance, Ruben being grateful of Niall's help with his exam, he rewards him with an opportunity to lose his virginity by bringing a girl into their private space. During that scene, the focus is not on the act but on how Ruben guides Niall through it. Obviously it is signaling that it is Ruben wanting to pleasure Niall, like the hand-to-chest contact, the eye-f*cking, the SYNCED BREATHING! (Richard Gadd your mind.............) All those things merging to gesture sex, specifically between Niall and Ruben.

(And I just want to make it clear that it is RUBEN coming up with these ways to form a physical bond with Niall because he probably suspect of Niall's queerness and lack of interest in girls. I see you Ruben.👀👀👀)

The other instance is at Niall's university. The male ritual bonding of trying to charm and get with girls (Celeste and Joanna). The spin the bottle scene of it all. Ruben kissing Celeste to Celeste kissing Niall, that's Ruben sneaky way of kissing Niall! Honestly, as I am thinking about it, RUBEN LOWKEY HOPELESSLY ROMANTIC.🤣😭 Alby coming into the mix and disturbing that flow must have been threating as hell for RuRu.

In saying all of that, Ruben still directly physically tries to connect to Niall but only when necessary. Like, in the bedroom scene, Niall couldn't get hard so what does Ruben do? He grabs that boys ding-a-ling and "helps". And at that point its just so obvious that Niall is gay gay gay GAY LOL!🤣🤣🤣

I feel it everywhere. It sort of runs through me in a way. It's like… dangerous. It is the best and the worst thing all at once. It's like the only thing. It's the only thing I've ever felt. It's like I'm fucking… high off of you or something. Chemically dependent. I don't know.