Likes, follows and asks from old main blog ladyofthedragonsblog

I've said this about Richard Gadd before but I really do believe he's very unique in what he's doing. And as much as I hope I don't have to wait too long for something new from him, I will wait if I have to because the two year gap between Baby Reindeer and Half Man was more than worth it to me. And tbh I don't know if my brain could handle too much of his writing too soon either lol. There is such a thing as too much mental stimulation after all lol. But yeah, I genuinely believe that I could write a paper based on his writing. And that is not something I feel with the vast majority of media even when I thoroughly enjoy it.

Niall himself doesn't even bring it up when pointing out how Ruben referred to him with homophobic insults. He only mentions the words Ruben said. And Ruben wouldn't accept the role he played in Niall's struggles. But then he starts talking about his abuse at his father's hands and Niall is able to handle it at first. He is able to give Ruben comfort and listen. He even calls Ruben his hero. It's not until Ruben starts talking about the closeness he felt that Niall shuts down. And I think entangled with the complicated feelings that Niall has for Ruben (the fear, the love, the desire, the anger) is also the repressed acknowledgement that the things Ruben did to him weren't just brotherly horseplay or banter. It wasn't just sexual either. If the feelings that Ruben was confessing to having were in the context of what both Ruben and Niall recognize as abuse at his father's hands, then Niall would have to acknowledge that what Ruben did to him was also abuse. And what does that say about his feelings towards Ruben even beyond the shame of sexuality? Beyond his repressed feelings towards Ruben in general? So of course it was too much for Niall. And he continued to repress those feelings right up until the very end to the point of his own destruction.