Local Cryptid

I'm so insanely jealous of dunkaerion size difference... I am stealing it for sterek and if you noticed no you didn't... you saw nothing and no one

the irredeemable pervert is generally well regarded among their friends for their insightful thoughts and all around pleasant demeanour

Jungkook taking the opportunity while post-enlistment to remind us that the new era of BTS very much still does include his characteristic inability to be normal about Namjoon.

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

hayden getting annoyed by ilya and insisting on a ‘who knows shane better’ game with shane and jackie as judges and he gets completely wiped by ilya. “boohoo pike you should know how many goals your captain scored last season” “pike how do you not know his favourite protein powder i thought you were best friends” “you’re taking too long pike you should know shane’s favourite cities”

thinking about jiro and how nahoko dies and then honjo comforting him. and honjo has been in love with jiro for fucking ever but jiro is just. wet dog because his wife just died. honjo takes care of jiro and makes him do things other than work because we all know that jiro would just be a workaholic. and gradually jiro starts realizing that he can live without nahoko, though he still misses her dearly. and then he starts falling for honjo, not because hes a replacement for nahoko but because he didnt realize he had repressed his feelings because of the heteronormative society, and he realizes that he really enjoys spending time with honjo and he slowly falls in love with him. extremely slowly though and honjo is super patient and just loves his friend so much and jiro like. becomes a person and moves on from nahoko and then like goes on some dates with women before realizing. holy shit. my best friend who is has been by my side for years. i love him. i want to spend my life with him.