bangarang

Kermit the Frog would be an ideal assassin because if caught he would need to be tried by a jury of his peers (Muppets) and you would not be able to find a Muppet who does not have a pre-existing opinion on Kermit the fucking Frog. case thrown out. kermie can kill again. it's easy being green

so the cursed sword has been making a lot of sense lately

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

I be running my fingers through my bush pondering ancient wisdoms

i love you semicolon. no one look at my 80 word sentence

getting fixated on something is funny because the first like week i have an insatiable need to tell everyone i know about it and spread the good word but by weeks 2 and 3 it becomes so intense and personal that even hearing it mentioned in public makes me sweat as if a dark secret was alluded to

fish ain't scared of me. women don't want me

it's always some sort of day of the week

[me, fumbling a social interaction] oh lovely. another haunting addition to the collection

sometimes i be saying im gonna go to bed and then i dont go to bed. frequently in fact. this is because i have the heart of an optimist and the soul of a liar

making a mountain out of a molehill and dying on it

i got that dog in me but it's one of those little fucked up trembling scared ones

you have to understand. There are several things wrong with me

maybe even more