glitterwaver

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

Hot tip: don’t fuck your breakfast

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

i hate job hunting so much why couldn’t i have just been sent abroad as a girl to serve at the court of margaret of austria and then later to serve a succession of french queens so that i could return to the english court years later as a lady of sophistication and charm capable of causing one of the greatest religious schisms in european history

if one more person reblogs this to tell me that Anne Boleyn got executed I’m gonna shake their hand and thank them because despite me evidently knowing the specifics of her early career in Europe pre-1522 I somehow was not aware of her extremely famous beheading. I had no idea. Thank you for enlightening me.

my favorite x files episodes are when mulder and scully join a taskforce of Normal FBI Agents on a Normal FBI Operation like busting an organized crime ring or smth. Like imagine you're a normal bureaucrat at your federal cop job and there's two insanely attractive people whispering to each other in the corner of the conference room and you're like "hey who's that" and your coworker tells you "oh that's the Bigfoot division" and you're like "but we're busting an organized crime ring" and then the tall guy speaks up and is like "oh yeah this crime ring is being led by bigfoot. btw"