GLG Network

Okay, I’ve gotten a lot of asks about the compulsory heterosexuality thing and it’s true that the first Google hit isn’t super easy to understand, so I‘ll try to break it down a little.

“Compulsory” is the opposite of “optional”. “Compulsory heterosexuality” is exactly what it sounds like - being straight is something our culture tries to force on us.

It affects people of every gender, but it’s mostly been studied as something that affects women. This is because compulsory heterosexuality easily ties in with the misogyny that causes women’s sexualities and even identities to be defined by our relationships with men.

Women are taught from a very early age that making men happy is our job. We’re supposed to be pretty for men, we’re supposed to change the way we talk so men will take us more seriously, we’re supposed to want a man’s love more than anything else. Our magazines are full of sex tips on how to better please men, our movies are about how we’re supposed to fall in love with men. We literally cannot exist in public without men loudly grading us on how well we’re pleasing them visually.

So… what happens if you want to be with women? What happens if you’re not attracted to men at all? When you’re trained from childhood to see romantic/sexual relationships with men - and only men - as major life goals, how do you separate that from what you want?

Compulsory heterosexuality is the voice in my head that says I must really be het even when I’m in love with a woman. Compulsory heterosexuality is what forces lesbians to struggle through learning the difference between what you’ve been taught you want (being with men) and what you do want (being with women), which is why so many lesbians have dated men at some point.

Compulsory heterosexuality is very similar to heteronormativity - the assumption that straight is the default. We’re trained from birth to believe that we will find someone of the other binary gender, fall in love, have sex, etc. In a million tiny ways we’re taught that only relationships with the other binary gender are valid. (And if you’re not one of the binary genders, this can be even more confusing.)

sorry this should be my last post about my lesbian flag proposal!

i edited the last one based on input from people with color deficiencies, people who said it strained their eyes with its brightness, and from input about its similarities to the rainbow flag here is my explanation for why i made this and what the colors mean:

the reason i designed this is because the pink lesbian flag many use was actually intended as a femme lesbian flag, and the purple labrys flag i have heard criticisms about the use of the black triangle by jewish lesbians.

all colors except the middle green are mixtures between two of the 8 colors of the original gilbert baker flag, retaining the symbolism of the original colors. in addition, the yellow and teal are opposite on the color wheel from blue and pink, representing how butch and femme lesbians, despite superficial appearances are not simply “replicating heterosexuality”, but are forming their own womanhood outside of it. the green represents lesbians who do not ascribe to the femme/butch dichotomy but who nonetheless have their womanhood shaped by their lesbianism.

me: