All Our Unhealthy Obsessions

Since returning to the states after Metalstorm was wrapped up, Jody and Colt have spent most of their time either out and about, or at her apartment. Colt says he’s been back a couple times, at least to refresh some of his clothes, look through his mail, and water his plants, but he has mostly been stuck by her side. Colt was already very physically affectionate before, but this was borderline clingy for her standards.

Restarting an already rocky relationship was hard work. While Colt liked to think they got their happy ending when Gail and Tom were arrested, and mostly ignoring the more difficult aspects of getting back together, Jody was more of a realist. Yes, she was absolutely delighted to have him back in her life. As short as their little fling was almost two years ago now, she still fell for him just as hard as he fell for her—though not as literally. Even so, Jody kept both their heads on straight and got their feet settled back on solid ground when Colt was all too eager to have them soaring through the clouds. Such a romantic, that man.

Although, he has been putting in the work towards their new relationship. Jody has been so proud of him for letting himself be more vulnerable with her. He was letting her know when he was hurting, when he was feeling low, when he needed some help or encouragement. It was a lot different than their first time around. Colt was never one of those men that denied himself feelings, Jody knew him as a rather emotionally intelligent person over all, but he had his moments. He just didn’t like to show people when he was down.

It had been a hard pill for Jody to swallow at first to see just how low Colt could get. There were days where it was a hassle for him to get out of bed, or where he would space out too frequently, unable to focus on anything. It made Jody wonder if this was a result of everything that happened over the past two years, or if Colt was always like this deep down and was just much better at hiding it before. She didn’t like either option.

However, the wheelchair was something else. Jody had found it folded up and shoved far into a corner of his room. Not exactly hidden, but still pushed out of sight and out of mind.

“Are you supposed to be using this?” She calls out to him, taking hold of one of the handles to tug it out. It was stiff and a bit janky.

“Oh, uh…” Colt was busy packing himself new clothes, but pauses when he sees what she has found. His packing is a little distracted now, throwing things down and taking a little too long to grab the next item. He shrugs, not looking at her. “I mean, technically just on really bad days. It always just makes the pain worse, though, so I just pop a few pain meds and carry on. Like those old posters from the ‘10s, you remember those?”

Jody’s shoulders dropped as she wrestled the chair out and unfolded it in front of her. She stares at him in disappointment and scoffs. “Colt. This chair is awful! My father had a better chair than this when he got knee surgery!”

It really was terrible. It was stiff and hard, clearly not meant for long term use. It was more like one of those transportation wheelchairs you see in hospitals and airports, not something to be using often. It had a tall backing, fabric stretched between the handles in the back. Not supportive. Its seat looked too narrow for someone of Colt’s height and weight, and the wheels didn’t look like they could be pushed well on their own. When she grabbed the handles to scoot it back and forth on the floor, the smaller front wheels used for steering stuttered and skipped over the hardwood like an old shopping chart.

Jody didn’t know too much about wheelchairs, but she didn’t need to. Just looking at this chair it was obvious it was cheap and not good for Colt’s condition.

“You used to use this?” she asks him, tone soft.

When she looks at Colt again, he is staring back at her. His eyes are wide and a little frightened, like he thought he was in trouble. His head is low, half hidden behind slightly overgrown bangs. He swallows and looks away, back at his backpack full of fresh clothes.

He zips it up hurriedly. “A long time ago. It just felt worse after a while, so I just kept up with the back brace and physical therapy. If it hurts too much to walk, I’ll just take it easy in bed or on the couch. No big deal.”

Jody’s heart aches hearing such a thing. And, to her horror, she realizes how much she had encouraged that behavior. The amount of times Colt would seize up trying to get out of bed, or would walk stiffly to any chair or seat in sight to take a moment of rest. All the times he would say he’s fine and just ask for her to hand him his pills or back massager, saying he just needed to take a break for a little while.

How many of those instances would have been better with a proper wheelchair instead of just forcing himself to plow through it?

She wishes that he cared about himself more. More than anything, she wishes he took better care of his needs.

Colt sighs and hangs his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Jodes… I couldn’t afford a better chair at the time anyway. Money was already strained trying to pay off hospital bills, and insurance could barely cover me ten percent. I had to move out of my apartment because I couldn’t make it up the stairs and—just—” Another sigh. “It was a lot to deal with. And when I got my valet job, I had already done the work to get myself walking again and it just didn’t seem worth it to save up for a better one.”

Hearing his excuses was even worse. How did he handle all this on his own?

Sniffing up what was definitely a tear or two, Jody folds the chair back up. And just because the blasted thing offended her so much to look at, she pushes it over and watches it clatter unceremoniously to the ground.

“We are getting you a real chair.”

Colt tried his hardest to avoid having the conversation about shopping for a proper wheelchair. He entertained Jody’s attempts at breaching the topic enough, but would always end it with a “I’ll look into that later” or “that sounds fine to me”. Jody found herself putting more effort into researching his different options than he was.

She would show him examples of custom chairs, explaining what was best for his needs. He would nod, look at the screen she was shoving into his face, mumble a few appeasements, but wouldn’t contribute. She could see him growing distant again.

It was bringing up too many past insecurities. Those feelings of being too overbearing towards his recovery, being too much too soon, those were all rearing their ugly heads again. And right alongside that, indignation would clash against it, like two ornery bucks fighting with their antlers.

Jody loves Colt and it frustrates her to no end that he doesn’t love himself as much as she does. So much so that she snaps one day.

“You can’t keep hurting yourself because of your silly ego!”

“It’s not about my ego!”

Colt has his back turned on her, hood up as he distracts himself with opening and closing cabinet doors in her apartment. He’s been doing it since the argument began, but hasn’t taken out a single thing. Really, he was just doing it to avoid facing her.

“It is too about your ego, Colt!” Jody snips, hot on his heels as he turns away again. “You are too concerned with how it would look to be seen in a wheelchair around people. Too worried about being seen as fragile. You know the people who really matter wouldn’t care about all that! We love you and all we want is just to see you actually taking care of yourself. You know that!”

Colt turns his head and opens an upper cabinet, leaning in as if looking for something inside, but in reality, he was just using the door to hide his face.

Jody’s frustration was nearing its breaking point. Her hands fall heavy on her hips, chest heaving to keep herself from really losing it on him.

“You promised.”

It was a low blow. Judging by the flinch in his shoulders, it had hit a little too accurately onto a soft, sensitive spot on him. But Jody was not backing down.

“You promised when we started this whole thing up again, that you weren’t going to shut me out again.” She swallows, trying not to let emotion choke her. She had to stand her ground. She had to. “Yet here you are. I’m trying to support you, and you are avoiding me and hurting both of us in the process.”

She was failing spectacularly at not letting it show how terrible she was feeling fighting with him like this. She could hear it in her voice how emotional she was getting. The tears in her eyes were threatening to ruin her makeup before the day was even halfway over.

Colt shut the cabinet door, but Jody still didn’t see his face. Before she could even get a glimpse, he was throwing his arms around her and tucking her under his chin.

“‘M sorry…” his voice wavers with his own tears, clear as day. “I don’t… I am trying, Jodes. Promise.”

Jody wraps her own arms around him. They curl around the small of his back, snaking under his jacket and finding the thin shirt underneath. Her fingers brush against a thick scar on his spine.

He lets out a choked sound. “It’s just hard.”

“I know it is,” she whispers into his chest, just barely loud enough for him to hear. “But you are only making it harder. You’re hurting yourself.”

“‘S not that bad.”

“Stop—” Jody has to pause to take a breath so she doesn't fully lose her composure. Whether she was successful or not wasn’t her biggest concern. “Stop minimizing your pain, Colt. That was rule one. No more hiding behind a thumbs up.”

His arms squeeze her closer to him.

They were quiet for a little bit. Jody rests her cheek more comfortably on his chest, listening to the too rapid beating of his heart as she traces the scars on his back. There was once a time she thought it was attractive how many there were, tracing them just the same as she is now while he went on a tangent on how he got each one. It wasn’t always some stunt, of course. He was very good at his job. Injuries bad enough to scar were rare. Most of them came from him being stupidly accident prone. For someone whose entire job is to get hurt safely, he should really be more graceful on his feet.

Now all the scars just made her wonder how many he suffered through alone. Or how many he gained so recklessly because of the utter lack of care for himself.

“Can I have one more day to pretend I’m fine?” He strains to ask after a few minutes of her being stuck in her own thoughts.

Jody pulls away. She forces him to look at her right in the eyes, taking in just how scared he looks. Her hands travel to his face and she holds him steady.

“You are fine,” she insists. “There’s nothing wrong with needing a chair, Colt. It will just be a new normal. One that will hopefully help with the pain you keep inflicting on yourself everyday.”

Colt stares down at her, breathing in deeply with a strong rise and fall of his chest. She could see his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

She allows him a little privacy and drops her head back down, moving her arms back to his waist. His heart was still beating too fast, but the controlled breaths seemed to help slow it down a bit. He resumes holding her tight, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re too good for me, Moreno.” He mumbles into her hair.

“I’m exactly what you need, Seavers.”

It took a long time to get a proper wheelchair. The appointments, the measurements, the intense budgeting. All the bad days that forced Colt to stay in bed, building up this defeatist mindset that was so unlike him, causing this haze of quiet depression to take over him. Thankfully, it all only spurred Jody to keep pushing forward.

Just like Colt, Jody had made a promise too. A promise not to leave him because he wasn’t the man she wanted him to be. A promise to stick with him when he wasn’t acting like himself. Even if she thought the promise was ridiculous to make—once she had him back, he would have to move heaven and earth to tear her away again—she still promised him. Because at the end of the day, it was important to him that she did.

She knew it was hard on him, how much of a battle it was to keep going each and every day. Jody told him as many times as she could how proud of him she was that he was still here with her. And the small, brief smile she got in response was enough for her.

Colt was a strong man, despite what he might think. He had this unbelievable capacity to keep pushing himself forward like he had no limitations. Of course the day he found out he wasn’t invincible would cause this insecurity that he couldn’t possibly bounce back, but he never really noticed that he has already. Time and time again, he was still pushing himself, yet he never felt like it was enough.

Jody loves his resilience. She loves the strength he has, but not just in his body—it was a really good perk, she’ll admit that—but in his mind. Colt was so, so strong, even when he believed otherwise.

And she loves that stupid, stupid head of his, always making a foolish decision without thinking it through.

Their first official anniversary was today. One full year since they’ve restarted their relationship. And Colt insisted they go all out on celebrating.

Jody was never one to celebrate. Sure, she’ll go and get a drink with the crew every once and a while, she’ll send a text or email for holidays, birthdays, or special occasions, but anniversaries were never really her thing. Especially not dressing up and going to a nice restaurant.

Colt insisted on picking her up. Thank god for that too. She spent a minimum of three hours on the phone with her sister getting ready. Jody wasn’t really worried about looking completely ridiculous. She was inept at putting together an outfit, thank you, but this wasn’t any social event. This was an anniversary. Her first anniversary with Colt, of all things.

She knew Colt would be fine with her showing up in pajamas and slippers, or butt naked besides a towel, but it mattered to her that she looked good for him. She wanted to make his head spin with how put together she could make herself.

Jody was still staring at herself in the mirror wondering if she was at all successful when she got the text that he was here.

She cusses up a storm as she rushes to grab her heels and all the way down to her door. She takes a brief moment to make sure she looks at least good enough before opening the door.

The way Colt blushes so sweetly, smiling bashfully as if this was their first date again, it was safe to say she was successful.

Colt looks gorgeous too, as always. He wasn’t wearing anything overly fancy. They were going to a nicer place, but nothing requiring an expensive outfit. Jody is still delighted to see him in something other than a worn down jacket and dirty jeans. She especially wasn’t complaining seeing his button up open just enough to see the darker chest hair spackled over his tan cleavage.

She raises her eyebrows at the gloves situated on his hands. “Those are new.”

Somehow, Colt seems to flush even more. He adjusts the straps of his gloves, laughing to himself. “Heh, yeah, they are. You think they look cool?”

He holds them out to her and Jody takes them in her own hands. She notes that they seem to be active gloves of some sort. Like the gloves bikers would wear, with padding over the palms.

She interlocks her hand with one of his, matching his doting smile with her own.

“You always look cool.” She answers him.

Colt leads her to the car, both of them chatting idly as they drive to the restaurant. Jody smiles every time she catches him stuttering and stumbling over his words, shifting in his seat, and adjusting his grip on the steering wheel of his truck. He’s cute when he’s giddy with excitement. Her little romantic.

As they pull up, just a little outside of where the valets are stationed, Colt shifts again. She catches him licking his lips nervously, grin never leaving his face. He sees her staring at him and the smile twitches a bit into a smirk.

“I have a surprise for you, by the way.” He says, and she can hear the twinge of anxiety in his voice.

“A surprise?” Jody questions. “Like a gift?”

“Of sorts.” He replies. Colt parks the car, stalling the engine. He nods to the glove compartment. “You wanna open that for me?”

Jody narrows her eyes, keeping them locked on his as she reaches out and pops open the compartment. When she shifts her eyes to it, she sure is surprised at what she sees.

She pulls it out, flipping it over in her hand. “A handicap placard? This is my surprise.”

“Part of it!” Chipper as ever, Colt shoves open his door. He makes an exaggerated groan and grabs at the small of his back. He starts to put on a show. “God, my back’s really starting to hurt. Maybe I should see if there’s some pills in the back…”

Colt hops out of the car like it’s nothing. Jody still feels a tad worried for him, though. Just because he’s acting normal doesn’t mean much. He could easily just be hiding it to keep up the good mood.

She follows after him, opening her door and carefully stepping out, stetting the placard aside. She rounds the front and catches up to him rummaging around in the backseats.

She jumps as he starts lugging something out. Her hands instinctively reach out to steady his back. “Colt—”

“Here we go!” he grunts as he tugs something out. He sighs and—

Colt starts unfolding a wheelchair. A proper looking one. With a lower back and a firmer, wider seat. He sets it up on the ground and plops down on it, crossing his ankle over his knee with a long sigh and a cocky grin.

“Ah, that’s much better.” He closes his eyes and stretches back, then drops his foot down on the bottom supports. His hands go to the wheels and he moves them back and forth experimentally. He’s still grinning like an asshole.

Jody smacks his chest.

Colt’s hands come up to cover his perfect pecs, cringing away from her with a laugh. “Ow! Hey!”

“You—!” Jody smacks him again, but she’s smiling widely. “You jerk! You said it wasn’t ready yet!”

He laughs again. “It just came in like a week ago! I wanted to surprise you! Was it a good surprise, though?”

Jody shakes her head as fondly as she could. This man is going to kill her one day. Give her an early heart attack with his little acts.

“Very good,” she appeases him, taking a step closer. She leans down a bit, bringing up a hand to brush his bangs away from his eyes. “I think you look nice like this. You know how much I like it when you look up at me with those pretty blue eyes.”

Colt fights a flustered smile. He licks his lips again. “You come here.”

He reaches for her, taking hold of the back of her neck to pull her down into a soft kiss. She returns it happily. How could she not?

Her sweet, beautiful man was finally taking his own steps to taking care of himself, and decided to surprise her by being out in public, on a very important moment for their relationship, in a wheelchair. She has never been so happy and so proud of him.

Jody pulls away first, just to whisper how much she loves him to his lips. She could feel the heat coming from his cheeks as he whispered the same sentiments back.