to reach the unreachable star

Despite having figured out that he is not a Wayland, Jace still has some sort of emotional attachment to the name. He thought he was a Wayland for a long time, and his father (who established himself as his only source of affection even while abusive) played a large role in his life. He even sometimes still catches himself thinking of his father as a Wayland first, despite knowing that’s not true anymore, but it’s a name he officially carried around with himself for the largest portion of his life and it’s hard to get rid of the habit of feeling like he is spoken to when someone mentions the name Wayland.

He never thought of himself as a Morgenstern, at least not in the emotional way in that he felt like he belonged to that family. Carrying that name felt like a betrayal and like a reminder of the way Valentine raised him. He felt like he was an inherently bad person, like there was no way he could be good and gentle, and that name just felt like the final grim reminder of that. The only thing keeping him positive at the time was Clary, who is also a Morgenstern by blood and who is a good person through and through, although that relief never lasted long when he remembered that Clary’s upbringing was entirely different. Finding out he was not a Morgenstern should have been a relief (though there was a hint of disappointment from the side of him that still felt like a little boy, wanting to impress his father), but it had been overshadowed by the deaths that revelation brought with it.

Being a Herondale feels similar to him, in a way, in that the name mostly reminds him of the responsibilities that come with it. He doesn’t have a real emotional connection to it, because he didn’t know his parents. He reflects a lot nowadays if that means that he can belong, like he found a place, but finds it still straight when people call him a Herondale - it feels like new clothes that were made just for him but scratch and are somewhat to tight. While he is glad to have insight on his bloodrelated family and to feed that curious part of himself, he still doesn’t truly feel a part of that family.

GET TO KNOW ME MEME: [5/5] Favourite Actresses

YOU MEAN POE “TRICKS HIS DROID INTO THE LAST ESCAPE POD AND SPACES HIMSELF BECAUSE BB-8’S SENTIENCE IS WORTH MORE TO HIM THAN HIS OWN LIFE” DAMERON WAS THE ~SOLE X-WING UP AGAINST A DREADNOUGHT ON A SUICIDE MISSION~ NOT BECAUSE HE WANTED GLORY BUT BECAUSE HE KNEW SACRIFICING HIMSELF MIGHT SAVE THE WHOLE FLEET?

AND DIDN’T NEED TO BE POORLY TAUGHT THAT BY A SHITTY GLORYHOUND SKETCHY “LEADER” WHO DIDN’T ACTUALLY GET IN FRONT OF THE FLEET, BUT RATHER WAITED UNTIL 99% OF THE RESISTANCE HAD DIED BEFORE MAKING THE SPLASHIEST MOVE THEY COULD?

YOU MEAN POE “I JUST WANT MY PARENTS’ SACRIFICES TO HAVE BEEN WORTH IT” DAMERON WAS LITERALLY ONLY IGNORING *LEIA’S ORDER TO SAVE HIMSELF* – AND EVERY BOMBER PILOT WAS INDIVIDUALLY IGNORING LEIA’S RETURN ORDERS IN A BID TO SUPPORT POE AS A TRUSTED FRIEND, NOT AS A LEADER SENDING THEM TO THEIR DEATHS?

Small preview of the work process! 

the “clean” outline (i never actually bother with a SUPER clean one when painting) + deciding where I want the shadows to be

Flat colors over the shadows, just roughly painted in to give a base