Never Have I Ever...

Evocative--Have you ever felt this way on a Saturday?

Quiet peaceful ambiance

Taking it all in, passive smiles directed at me

“What can I get for you out of the case?”

I realize it’s my turn to speak.

–

Immersed in textual salvation

I fail to recognize the elevation

Of noises as chaos enters to distract me.

–

Ignoring all the noise and eyes

I continue to dive

Tearing up

Looking up to avoid the inevitable

Taking deep breaths and stretch to keep the…

New Post! Hiatus

Breaking, shrinking, shriveled mess

picking up the remnants of the ‘truly blessed’

Thinking one day I’ll get through it

if I’m open and endure it

But then it just kept feeding

ravishing my nutrients, ripping at my core

suckling from my clitoris and feeding me with lore

Those thoughts making me feel like I could do this

I can toughen up and move right through this

Just had to ignore mirrors

friends

The Summoning. She cried out, “BB! BB! My anxiety is KILLING me!” realizing the only one in that bed was she. In fact she couldn’t grasp the reality that she was actually alone now her words echoing against the walls, between the sheets, and from now on she would vow to never forget how it felt in that moment yearning for comfort and receiving none. -D    

Endurance. How much TV in the background does it take to quiet those beasts that inequity make? Everyday I try and grind out as many applications for work but I find that with each rejection and every month that goes by It’s getting tougher to find the strength to still rise. * I rise to the occasion time and time again Put myself on the line just to be told to try again. Best of luck in all your…

To My Father, Lovingly, -D

Why don’t I have a resolve? Why everytime I try nothing is solved? – WHY everytime I try to make a way out of no nothing but grief they make me stray? – Why I gotta make a way outta no presuming I get away outta no _ Why the life force drain from me when I just wanna BE free? -D  

Hey, Here's a very rare look into my quotidian life as manifested through thought exercise.

This post is going to be a little different from the ones I’ve been posting lately. This is a bit of a thought exercise for me. This is also my chance to clear my mind and connect with you on a deeper level. Ready? Mood Anxious: I wake up most days in a sweat. Whether it was from a particularly unsettling dream or because of my precarious life, who knows. About once every few hours I worry about…

To My Momma To my momma, who has swallowed the amerikan dream and choked on it. * To my momma, whose dreams have fought each other– and died. * Who sees, but cannot bear to see. A volcano eating its own lava. * To my momma, who couldn’t turn hell into paradise and blamed herself. Who has always seen reflected in her mirror an ugly duckling. * To my momma, who makes no demands of anyone cause she…

Black Words in a Dark World.

August is Black. What do you do when your stance is apocalyptic? When the things you say aren’t very analytic? All you see is the destruction of the planet But your voice is so muted that all you do is plan for it. * When what you want to do is breathe but with every breath you begin to heave and all the things you throw up are parts of your life yet none of it includes any of your tumult and…

When the Butterflies in Your Stomach end up Actually Being Acid Reflux.

Heartburn. I am not your excuse to harm while claiming you’re unarmed I’m not the one you’re about to place your blame upon your grimy sinew that connects your con. * I’ll tell you what: You might have deceived me at the very beginning. Not wanting to proceed with caution and now I’m over here ending a bond that was based in inequity a bond where only YOU were free. Severing a connection that was…

Confined. You ever feel like running? The feeling of of confinement has you gunning, to flee to any other place but here It’s Pride month–for whom? Cause I know that I fear for my life and my love and my hope and my loins, my mind and my gut seems to have deeply conjoined in a steadfast race to ‘who-will-die-first?’ Why am I to feel safe in a world where I’m cursed? Walkin’ down the streets…

From Whence I Came.

Dreamland. I dreamt of you last night your voice your hair your smile. It was so real to me the dream me began to compile a list of questions I had for you that only you would know I had to put it all together just so I could really know it was you. But you didn’t even let me get to number 1 you told me that wasn’t why you were here that it was time for us to have some fun. So, I took you around…

Little Chaos, Less Sleep.

Thoughts from a Master. How do you focus when you can’t breathe? You need a breather But breathing is hard your heart pounds flutters Fluttering But you tryin’ ta sleep How are you gonna make rent? How you livin’? As you sip on your fancy bourbon drink Sip Sip * * * What is in a dollar? Twenty? A Hundred? How about a penny? I walked outdoors and begged for it to rain on me on my skin cleansing my…

Twisted. Have you ever felt like you’re dying? Like you’re killing yourself to succeed? It’s a feeling that makes you sick to your stomach, it’s a feeling that will not heed your incessant cries and pleas for it to stop turning your mind into chaos cutting deeply into your flesh but the blood refuses to clot. What do you do when your treachery effects your life? When you want to do anything to…

A Month of Black Love: Weekend Edition

Deferral. What happens to a dream repressed? When the weight of it all comes crashing down leaving you distressed? What happens when you can’t sleep and all you think of is your failure? You think of all the ways you fostered your dream and now you’re preparing its burial. What do you do now, just bail? Act like a part of you isn’t writhing in a jail? A theoretical and abstracted prison of…

“I’m poor, I’m Black, I might even be ugly; but dear god I’m here! I’m here! -Celie -D

A Month of Black Love #2

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” -James Baldwin Keep this in your mind as you go about. Keep this close to you when you want to ignore the tumult that is our nation. -D