i will not actually punch a baby

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

Okay but for people who struggle with their co-ordination (me): GAME-CHANGER

fuck it up granma

[id: photograph captioned “This was how Granma showed me how to sew in a straight nine.” The photo shows someone sewing a simple running stitch parallel to the edge of the cloth. Their thumb rests parallel to both, just beyond where the needle is coming up, and two lines drawn on their thumbnail are matched to the edge of the cloth and the line of stitches respectively.]/end id.

as a disabled person, i know what it’s like to not be able to work. that’s why this disability pride month i’m partnering with every single printer,

If your system doesn't account for the fact that Parents Are Going To Be Abusive/Neglectful/Insufficient then it objectively sucks I'm sorry I don't make the rules

Monitored bank accounts for those under 18. Requiring parental consent for medical procedures. Parental controls on personal devices. "We won't teach this at school because parents are supposed to address it at home." Anything that puts all of the child's power onto the parents' hand, anything that assumes parents are going to inherently do enough of a good job no one else needs to interfer, every single one of these IS going to be used by controlling, neglectful or unprepared parents and already are, and if the system did not account for that very real, tangible, dangerous tendency, then it's not worth fucking anything. You shouldn't make things "for the youth"/with children in mind if you are going to overlook this painfully common aspect of their lives u_u

a lot of people did not graduate from the very basic lesson of "What is a social construct"

Look. You're not obligated to understand the world around you. But if you don't, you will constantly stumble through the world, bewildered and confused.

my friends and I have created a game we call Quipposting, where you play quiplash but you roll a wheel full of character archetypes, and whatever it lands on, you all answer as if you are like, a wizard or cowboy. This legitimately makes quiplash go from a fun enough game to an S+ tier absolute unabashed banger

the best characters are Mafia Goon, Cyberpunk Hacker, Castle Guard, Sewer Rat, 16th Century Peasant, and Alien Poorly Pretending to be Human

OP we desperately need examples

misunderstanding the significance of bodily fluids: "I have spilled so much pee in the name of my country"

On this day, 17 July 2014, Eric Garner was murdered by police enforcing a civic ordinance.

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

Strictly speaking, "ultimate" means "last", not "best". It's often figuratively employed in the latter sense to suggest that the thing so described is the final word on the subject, after which nothing more need be said, but if we're being real technical, describing a game or movie that was so bad it killed its entire franchise as the "ultimate" is in fact correct.

does anyone want to play themes and motifs with me