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i’M DONE

@girlwtuba

today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”

this post had me in tears

My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn

This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))

I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.

When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”

something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”

one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”

Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”. 

I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”

I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”

I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T

There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate

I once tried to say “that’s funny,” and “that makes me laugh” at the same time and it came out “that makes me funny”

When I worked as a cashier I would almost regularly say “have a good idea” instead of “have a good day” by accident

I work as a ride operator at Universal. When the ride vehicle comes back, we say something along the line of, “Welcome back muggles. Please lift up on your lap bars and exit towards me.” I have asked these muggles to lift up on both their lap tops and light bulbs

when I first started serving I accidentally mixed “what can I get you to drink” and “what can I start you off with” and asked “what can I get you off with?” I couldn’t look anyone at that table in the eye

i was shopping with my sister and agonizing about whether to get a pair of shorts and tried to say “one day i’ll have the balls” and “one day i’ll work up the guts” ended up yelling ONE DAY I’LL WORK THE BUTTS to the entire store

#I can’t believe spiderman stole that guys pizza :/ #jj was right :/ #he is a menace to society :((((( (x)

Do any of you know how cheap soda syrup and hot dogs are?

Whenever a girl compliments me I’m like… Is this a normal compliment or a gay compliment? I need to know

side effects of being friends with me include gaining extensive knowledge of television shows that you don’t watch or care about