Chilling with my Spadones
at least we know his wife did! ayyy
tumblr dot com
noise dept.
Today's Document

Origami Around

#extradirty
h
sheepfilms
Claire Keane
wallacepolsom
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
occasionally subtle
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Product Placement
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
RMH

titsay
Cosmic Funnies
$LAYYYTER
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@girlchomper
Chilling with my Spadones
at least we know his wife did! ayyy

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overlooking Gurnard's Head Mine at Treen Cove
If you’re monogamous and you pretend to your partner or lie to yourself that you’re fine with polyamory when you’re not, I need you to understand that you’re about to ruin two lives minimum.
I see a bunch of stories around the internet of the evil poly bringing the mono who wasn’t ready into the polycule through pressure. But I’ve seen so so so many less of these play out in real time than I’ve seen an insecure mono like someone so much that they resolve these feelings by making the poly partner bear the responsibility of them until they’re rendering themselves monogamous and suffering for it. I’m so fucking tired of it. Your relationship is made of needs, boundaries and hopes, and it’s your responsibility to know them well enough to know if your relationships has a contradiction strong enough that communication can’t overcome it. Some people can handle it. Be realistic about if you can.
"Your relationship is made of needs, boundaries and hopes,"
I am TAKING that I've been trying to figure out how to word that exact sentiment
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'll probably do a more in depth/ less rambley post sometime, but I kinda wanna write down what I mean by those three things. Important to know that this is all built from my own understandings I've built over time, and not some assertion of truth. We're still figuring out the words for it all, but in our philosophy of how relationships work, everything comes down to: Needs: "I will feel uncomfortable without this." Statements or requests that your comfort hinges on. Boundaries: "I will need to protect myself from this." If-then statements which inform the cause and effect of actions, and how you will reaction in order to keep yourself safe. Hopes: "My ideal life/ scenario would look like this." Statements of how you would like to see interactions and scenarios turn out and that you would like to strive for, but don't define your ability to cope.
None of these are rules someone imposes on another, they are simply information one announces or learns. Its important to remember that no one is obligated to meet or keep to any of these in a relationship. Choosing to do so is an act of love, which is why love is seen as inseparable from safety in being vulnerable. And the act of being in a relationship alone is never a reason to give up on any of these for someone.
Two people's Needs/boundaries/hopes may clash or contradict or sit at odds. These interactions and changes and compromises and how each partner is treated are the relationship.
For a relationship to be healthy with contradicting sets (you will never ever find any truly non-contradicting sets ever) both partners must be able to communicate their own and understand their partner's and find compromises or circumvents that genuinely respect both partners. When people talk about communication being all-important, they mean this. Being logical about these compromises means understanding that sometimes, things are held so personally to someone that a conflict is not solvable. Its important that it is understood that in these moments, breaking up is not only a neutral concept (despite often being portrayed as a "definitive lose state" socially), but often necessary. Many attempts to brute force these interactions into a functioning relationship result in abuse.
There's a lot more I can go on about, especially about boundaries, but I already went longer than I was intending.
it's a little walk to get to my point but bear with me. about five years ago I got a collection of essays from the political theorist Abdullah Öchalan. he framed patriarchal subjugation of women in the Family as a necessary precondition and template for the authoritarian subjugation of a populace in the state. that stayed with me, the microcosm and macrocosm.
how do we make our lives and relationships democratic? a democracy must stay democratic even when it is merely two people. we learn compromise and consensus, give and take, and to not impose or coerce each other.
we as a couple became polyamorous at this point. before my then partner met and fell in love with another partner, before I met my current partners, we became polyamorous when we were committed to loving each other and refusing to compel, coerce, or demand (a boundary is different to a demand and is a genuine and unjudgmental willingness to walk away, rather than an attempt to control behaviour, feelings, thoughts). when my ex and I separated it was rough, emotionally, but the uncoupling was the healthiest I've had and we got to the point where we're talking fairly often more like friends. I don't think that would be possible if I'd dug my claws in and fought for every inch of ground in a losing battle as she pulled away desperately for a life she knew she wanted more.
compromise and compassion got us very far, and when things were ending they probably bridged the gap between how we felt and how we acted in the moment. AAd things ended. and things began. the relationship ending wasn't a "fail state", the fail state would've been both of us stuck in a relationship we had come to resent that was holding back our growth and flourishing.
potato battery? no. potato usually fried by itself. potato starchy enough to go in oil without batter
introducing the world to Australian potato scallops
this earth is so beautiful
omg that's smack! from pey wet!
The Plym North Wood Dartmoor

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You'd think "don't use a fictional creature as an allegory for oppressed minorities and as a horde of vile automatons that it's always okay to kill in the same work at the same time" would be a no brainer, but roughly 70% of all works featuring goblins and/or robots demonstrate otherwise.
Star Wars using this exact formula with droids blows my mind to this day. Like, they really can’t decide whether they’re actually an oppressed group or genuinely mindless automatons whose inner lives we don’t need to worry about.
Given that Solo: A Star Wars Story features a droid liberation activist who's very obviously characterised as a mean-spirited parody of a women's rights activist and whose concerns are consistently treated as misguided and laughable (before they blow her up and use her brain to repair a spaceship), I'm not sure it's that the writers they can't decide so much as it that they don't want to say what they really think out loud.
Fun fact for anyone who does this, being a misogynistic man isn't funny just because you're trans or you think the idea of treating trans women like women is inherently funny, how funny do you think she finds your "ironic" misogyny when you punch down on the women that don't have cis privilege over you
you gotta be fucking kidding me with this shit
the odd feeling when a delivery driver refuses my state ID, like yeah I'm glad you don't think I look that that husk of a "man" but come on, mama needs her fancy rum 😭
When I say women should have higher standards for how they're treated, this is exactly what I mean. At the first insult? Kick. Him. To. The. Curb.
how it feels when I do another job interview and think "that one felt like it went well, I'd be happy to work there"

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literally one of my favorite tweets ever
Wage regressor who gets paid less than you
imagine begging and pleading to bomb Iran for decades, finally getting the war you've spent your whole career creaming your pants over, losing immediately, and then dying out of nowhere

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No offense but if you're exclusively attracted to white people or cis people that is not a neutral or unbiased thing lmao. I know that may sound uncomfortable. But attraction is not this infallible thing that's completely uninfluenced from broader forces.
kinda how it felt