Gintoki23 Kinda Here

It had been a long day.

Heaving his body up upon his suction cups, Suction Cup Man finally pulls himself up onto the rooftop and rises to face the skyline, taking in the view of the sun just beginning to set.

The mild breeze through his hair soothes his exhausted lungs, and as he finally begins to settle into relaxation, a particular feeling strikes him:

Hunger.

That's right, he recalled; he'd skipped out on breakfast today in favor of an early morning climb.

Shimmying a bit, Suction Cup Man proceeds to pull his backpack straps up and over his head, releasing his backpack and dropping it to the rooftop floor with a quiet 'fwump'. He crouches down beside it and unzips it, and begins to forage through its messy contents.

A suction cup or two, some spare guitar strings. The guitar he somehow managed to fit in there. A loose sprig of spray millet that had been crushed to bits and wasn't much more beyond a pile of crumbs and an empty twig. An empty plastic water bottle.

He mumbles beneath his breath.

A few loose band-aids, another suction cup, a crowbar - there it is!

A smile breaks out across his face as he retrieves a red bag of chips from the depths of the backpack. Admiring the front of the bag, his stomach rumbles as he reads off the label in his mind; 'Trumpets'.

The backpack is abandoned as Suction Cup Man walks off towards the edge of the rooftop with his chips in hand. He sits down at the roof's edge and allows his feet to lazily dangle off the side as he yanks the bag open and shoves his hand in to grab a handful of the delicious snack within.

His hand comes out, each finger tipped by a bugle-shaped chip as though they were thimbles. No time is wasted as those fingers are sloppily stuffed in his mouth.

As Suction Cup Man enjoys his lunch, his peaceful attention on the sunset is gradually pulled away by a peculiar ruckus below. He hears a bit of arguing - a woman's voice and a very recognizable male voice bickering back and forth. He can't quite make out what they're arguing about, but what he hears doesn't seem particularly pressing. Something about a bird, or...

Whatever.

The bickering continues in irregular waves, volume rising and falling, until suddenly, the woman cries out in alarm.

The scream is enough to finally catch Suction Cup Man's attention in full, and when he gazes down over the edge, he's just in time to witness a familiar redheaded woman tumbling forward out of an open window.

"OH, SHIT! PENNY!" He yells aloud. Any and all thoughts are discarded along with the bag of chips as he leaps from the rooftop, hoping to fall fast enough to catch up with Penny before she reaches the asphalt.

Luckily, there wasn't much distance between the two of them, and a clever maneuver through the air allows Suction Cup Man to just barely reach out for the woman and grab her hand. The wind whistles loudly in his ears, and the woman's cries drown out just about everything else.

He hastily yanks her close. He knows her face, and she knows his.

"SUCTION CUP MAN?!"

"HOLD ON TIGHT!"

In an instant, the two of them flip. Suction Cup Man faces the quickly approaching asphalt with his back, pulling Penny against his body as tightly as possible. Likewise, Penny clings to Suction Cup Man like a lifeline.

Both of them screw their eyes shut and hold their breaths as the asphalt approaches ever faster. Penny buries her face in Suction Cup Man's chest.

The wind roars.

Faster. Faster. Closer. Quicker.

Until suddenly, the speeding world comes to a very abrupt halt.

A loud thud. The sound of something cracking sickeningly. A sharp, guttural sound that fades just as soon as it had come. A dizzying, painful jolt through Penny's body that rattles her to the core.

And then, silence.

Penny's heart races in her ears. Her eyes remain tightly shut, buried in the purple fabric of the other's shirt. A mild pain coursing through her body pulls her brain through the blind fear, and the first thing she realizes is that she's alive.

Eyes open. Chest heaves as she hesitantly pulls her face from the man's chest. She blinks and casts her gaze out towards her surroundings, taking in the familiar sight of the parking lot, the tower from which she fell, buildings dotting the skyline all around her.

And then she looks down at the man beneath her.

What she sees brings every ounce of terror rushing back into the forefront of her mind.

"OH MY GOD!"

Despite the ache in her body, she leaps up off the man and proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs. The sight before her is nothing short of horrifying; Suction Cup Man, his body contorted in impossible ways, helmet tumbled off somewhere above his head - shattered bits of blue plastic, red spattered across the grey asphalt.

She backs away from the scene and covers her face. She can't do much else besides scream in horror, muffling her ragged voice with her palms.

But another voice beckons her from behind.

Penny pulls her hands down just enough to look back and greet the voice. Standing behind her, short of breath and with a terrified look on his wrinkled face, is her boss.

"MR. BUSINESS!"

She runs to him, and despite herself, all formality is thrown out the window as she throws herself at him. The uncharacteristic behavior catches him off guard, but he's quick to take her in his arms.

"Penny-, Penny, look at me. Are you okay?"

Penny babbles something incomprehensible, but she shakes her head and buries her face in the older man's suit.

Mr. Business pauses to gaze over the trembling woman's shoulder, and that's when he sees the bloodied body of his enemy splayed out across the sidewalk. His stomach drops - hard.

"Oh, fuck."

Quickly, Mr. Business walks the two of them backwards towards the entrance to the building. He's deliberate in turning them around so his body blocks her view of the grizzly scene behind them.

Penny, meanwhile, starts to pull away. She's shaking violently, but she's able to finally look her boss in the eyes. Black mascara runs down her reddened face.

"Mr. Business, he-, Suction Cup Man-"

"I know-"

"We-, we, we need to call the police, or-"

"-Penny, look at me."

"Mr. Business-"

"Penny..."

Penny heaves deeply as she stares into her boss's eyes. He fixes her with a stern gaze, but the concern and terror on his face can't help seeping through.

"Penny, listen to me. I know this looks bad, but Suction Cup Man is gonna be fine."

She gawks at him with wide eyes. The terror on her face shifts into something unexplainable.

"Fine?! He's-!"

"He's not dead."

They stare at each other.

"...For... long, I mean."

Penny blinks at him, silent. She attempts to hesitantly gaze over Mr. Business's shoulder, but he moves to block her view.

"Look, I don't know how, but Suction Cup Man... he-"

A sound from behind catches their attention. Despite his attempt to prevent her looking, Business instinctively turns his head towards the sound. Penny follows suit.

Right then and there, the two of them bear witness to the bloodied Suction Cup Man inexplicably sitting up.

"Rrgh," Suction Cup Man groans. He pops his back, brushes his blood-matted hair out of his face, and then looks around. His eyes land on the two businessfolk a few feet away.

"Ah, you're alive!" He exclaims, a smile coming to his face. He waves to them.

"What-, how?!" Penny immediately shoves her boss aside and runs to crouch next to Suction Cup Man. Her shaky hands hover anxiously over him. "Are you okay?! Do we need to call an ambulance?! Do we-"

"Psh," Suction Cup Man rolls his eyes. "An ambulance? Fuck the ambulance, you can't kill Suction Cup Man!"

Penny stares at him, speechless. Meanwhile, Mr. Business slowly approaches the two of them.

Suction Cup Man looks up at him.

"Ah, and a good afternoon to you, Business Dummy!"

Mr. Business's expression is unreadable. Whereas he'd normally snap back with some sort of profanity, he opts to say nothing in Penny's distressed presence.

"...What, do I got somethin' on my face?" Suction Cup Man brings a hand to his face and rubs his palm up his cheek. He looks down at his palm and only sees blood. "Ah."

The three of them exchange confused expressions, until Business leans in towards Penny and mutters something inaudible into her ear. Whatever it is, she seems to agree with a nod before stepping away and turning to head indoors.

With the two of them alone now, Mr. Business sighs and finally speaks.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... thank you."

Suction Cup Man cocks his head.

"For what?"

"...For saving Penny?"

"Ohh, right!" Suction Cup Man slowly rises to his feet and dusts himself off. Somehow, despite the unnatural way his legs had been twisted before, they appear just fine and hold his weight accordingly. As a matter of fact, beyond the blood and dirt, he looks and seems completely unlike a man that'd just fallen dozens of stories onto hard concrete. "You know, you really oughta keep an eye on your employees. If I were her, I'd be suing your ass for every dollar in your wallet."

"Wh-, it's not like I shoved her out the window, you asshole! It was just... a freak accident!"

As the two bicker with each other, Penny returns with a wet hot wash cloth. She seems more at ease now, and her mascara-stained face has been wiped clean.

"I got the wash cloth, Mr. Business."

The still-dripping wash cloth is handed to Suction Cup Man, and he stares at it.

"Uhh, what's this for?"

Mr. Business huffs in annoyance.

"It's for you to clean yourself up with. You look like a murder victim."

Stepping back, Mr. Business looks to Penny.

"I'm gonna head back to the office and call someone to clean this up. Can't have anyone else seeing this or we'll be explaining it at the next shareholders meeting."

Penny nods, and Mr. Business turns to head back inside. As she watches his back disappear behind the glass door, Suction Cup Man speaks.

"Geez, who pissed in his cheerios?"

Penny looks back at Suction Cup Man, watching him rub the wet wash cloth against his cheek. She looks him up and down a few times with great concern.

"Are you sure you're okay? It's just, you look a bit..."

He dismisses her with a flippant hand. "N'ah, don't worry about it. How about you?"

She blinks in surprise.

"I, uhh... I'm fine... I'm just a little bit... freaked out? I mean, how did you do that? How are you... alive?"

Suction Cup Man shrugs his shoulders.

"I told'ja - you can't kill Suction Cup Man."

She watches him run the wash cloth along both his arms and then discard it like a used tissue.

"Oh... well... thank you for, um, saving me back there," She huffs out an uneasy chuckle. "I don't think I would have survived that if not for you."

Suction Cup Man fumbles about and retrieves his helmet from off the concrete. He rotates it in his hands and furrows his brows in displeasure as he observes the busted-out back and cracks running towards the front.

"If there's any way I can repay you-"

"Ya got $30 I can borrow?"

Penny pauses.

"...What?"

"Hard to believe it, I know, but I'm kinda broke right now," He responds, turning to show her the helmet. "...And... so's my helmet. So unless ya got a spare helmet I can have..."

She studies the busted helmet for a moment, and her gut turns at the poor sight of it.

"Oh. Yeah, I might have a few dollars on me..."

Wasting no time, she reaches into her pants pocket and retrieves a wallet. She thumbs through it momentarily and retrieves a twenty and a ten, both of which she offers up to him.

Graciously, Suction Cup Man accepts the cash and pockets it. He then casts his eyes out towards the sky, making note of the setting sun that had begun to disappear.

"Welp, see ya tomorrow, Penis!" He waves her off with a grin, and without a second word, he walks away - leaving the baffled Penny behind.