Jacqui Germain

Three Goblin Art
taylor price
Misplaced Lens Cap
Show & Tell
One Nice Bug Per Day
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

blake kathryn
hello vonnie
Claire Keane

Love Begins
h
wallacepolsom
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

roma★
ojovivo
trying on a metaphor
Monterey Bay Aquarium
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Morocco

seen from United States
seen from Türkiye

seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from Brazil
seen from Vietnam
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from Indonesia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Romania
seen from France
seen from France
@ginnyren
Jacqui Germain

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Growing up feels like your skin no longer fits. Like you just want to crawl out of that thinly stretched space and lay down in the grass and sob for hours. Instead, I am in a cafe eating lunch and trying not to scream. Looking around wondering if anyone else in this building is doing the same thing, wondering if they ever have and, if so, how they got through it. Maybe I would calm down if I just had the assurance that other people have looked in the mirror and no longer recognized themselves.
— Kalyn RoseAnne Livernois, from Ten True Things
Aria Aber, Ideology
“I am troubled and harsh and hopeless. Though I have love inside me. But I don’t know how to use love. Sometimes it scratches like barbs.”
— Clarice Lispector, tr. by Elizabeth Lowe, from Água Viva / The Stream of Life (via violentwavesofemotion)
“I’m afraid of a lot of things, but mostly, most sincerely, I am afraid of being completely unraveled by you, and you finding nothing you want in here.”
— L.M. Dorsey, She Is Made of Chalk (via thelovejournals)

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Cathy Park Hong, Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning
Jennifer S. Cheng, So We Must Meet Apart; “August 24, 2018”
忍 ren
(as in 忍受 or 忍耐) means “endure”. It is made of two chinese characters stacked on top of each other.
刀 dao, which means “knife” 刃 rèn, which refers to the cutting edge of a knife (the dot denotes the specific place on a blade);
and 心 xin, which means “heart”.
It is my favourite word. Enduring anything literally is carrying on with life while the knife’s edge is resting on your heart.
Gonna get this tattooed over the front of my heart in red and 耐 over the back
Ocean Vuong, from “Threshold”, Night Sky with Exit Wounds
“Childhood is a knife stuck in your throat. It can’t be easily removed.”
— Incendies (2011)

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To stave off loneliness, she indulged in a new-found taste for disasters.
— Susan Sontag, from “American Spirits,” I, etcetera (FSG, 1978)
milo-pierce:
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Milo didn’t need to go to parties to make deals anymore, but he still made his rounds for some of his higher society clients. It had been one of the places he started back when he was a teenager and college student. Initially it had been to build up more of a network for Pierce Distributions and later Pestilence, as well. Now it was more of a convenience he offered when he had the time available because they knew and trusted him. Something he took a lot of pride in. Besides, the parties were entertaining. He learned a lot of what was going on in London and beyond which was always helpful in his line of work.
Tonight he got to show off one of his brand new suits, made and tailored by his step-sister. Something he’d be sure to mention to anyone who asked. Anything to help Yasmine achieve her dream of being a successful fashion designer and get on the map. The more she was focused on that, the less she’d be likely to join into the Pierce family business or get mixed in with organized crime that hid in plain sight around everyone in London.
He’d set himself up in the back of the house after making the initial round of the place when he first arrived. Milo preferred to be on the outside of the crowd, watching and listening to everything around him. It also made him easier to find for those who wanted to buy his product. He looks over to the door when he hears it close, away from the couple sneaking further into the yard in search of privacy. “My, my, if it isn’t Miss Mei Lan. You’re looking fabulous this evening.” He greeted her with a shark-like grin. A quick glance around and he pulled a few small bags from his pocket to show her. “These two are new, higher quality hallucinogens. This one is the body, this is the mind.” An index finger pointed to each one separately as he named them. “Then of course this is the good ol’ high grade molly everyone knows and loves.” Always a popular party favour in the past and one of his best sellers. “And then I have snow and a few downers. The regular bag of goodies.” Milo returned the products back to the inside of his suit jacket and rebuttoned the middle button.
“What are you looking for?” While he waited for her decision, he was reminded to ask her what she did with his product after she bought it. He’d sold to her several times before, sometimes a few times a night, and yet she always stayed sober. She certainly acted like she was on something but Milo had spent nearly his entire life around addicts and party people, he knew the difference. It was strange and it piqued his curiosity the last time they’d run into each other. However, he’d never got the chance to ask.
---
A compliment, Ginny has found, is just like a con. Bait before the bite. Something sweet before something is asked of you. But Ginny doesn’t know what Milo wants of her, besides the obvious, the money and the patronage, perhaps some word of mouth advertising to Mei Lan’s friends. Nothing is free, this Ginny knows. but she is almost giddy tonight. Adrenaline a lightning strike through her. So she takes the compliment with a smooth smile and nothing else.
“Why thank you, you look rather dashing yourself. Is that a new suit?” It looks new. New and expensive. She walks closer. It’s not the first time she’s wondered about Milo. Drug dealers, they don’t usually wear suits like these. Milo smiles like he has a knife behind his teeth and it makes Ginny want to laugh. It makes her want to see how sharp the knife is.
“Hmm,” she says, “practically a buffet. Milo what would a party be without you?” Hallucinogens were high risk, high reward. Maybe you give some to a mark and they’re distracted enough for you to steal their credit card information. Maybe they become incredibly paranoid, unruly, unmanageable, uncontrollable. “How new is new? What do these ones do?”
Molly is always a solid bet. It makes a mark more confident, less anxious. A confident mark is a mark that makes mistakes. Is a mark that would bet his car in a game of rigged cards against Ginny. Snow is sometimes good for the same reasons but too expensive of a payout when the marks would be paying for it themselves. Especially when Milo is selling it. Milo only does clean, high quality. So costly a little addiction could ruin someone’s life.
“I’ll take some molly,” she says after a second. “Just a little,” Ginny adds, winking. Just enough to grease the wheels, enough to make them soft, and enough to build Mei Lan into the girl she wants her to be. Bright and rich and frivolous. Here in this foreign city to have so much fucking fun. She slides a long fingered hand into her pocket and brings up a wad of cash for Milo, held together with a little jade money clip. “What are the prices tonight?”
“Life is little by little. Today I take half a step, the day after tomorrow I’ll take another half-step. Such impatience. I want to swallow life down in a single gulp and then maybe something like dying.”
— Clarice Lispector, from A Breath of Life, tr. Johnny Lorenz

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Nakajima Kento as Hasebe Sosuke and Koshiba Fuka as Sato Ai ⤷ Kanojo wa Kirei Datta (2021), dir. Kinoshita Takao
“desire holds me like a knife.”
— Emily Corwin, from “abacus,” published in grimoire (via lifeinpoetry)