me talking to my lesbian and bi women friends: i don’t believe that “attraction” is a well-defined concept and i generally lean social constructivist when it comes to sexual orientation—what i identify as my lesbianism arises in a certain social context and i don’t necessarily think it’s some kind of mystical and essential part of me. i think it’s ok to define your orientation that way if you want but i also think that, especially for women, many people find it more healing to define it sort of actively. you’re not beholden to an immutable Nature that you can’t challenge; you can define what you want and seek. as such there’s more of a gray space between lesbianism and bisexuality than many people would tell you, and sometimes choosing one label over the other is a matter of gut feeling and not the cold scientific distinction people may picture. of course it doesn’t make sense to call yourself a lesbian if you’re pursuing men, but in dealing with misogyny and compulsory heterosexuality a woman may make the choice of whether or not to include some kind of “potential” attraction to men in her orientation. basically, if you want to be a lesbian, you can be a lesbian, and if you want to be a bisexual woman, you can be a bisexual woman. sexuality should be something you actively participate in and that makes you feel happy and comfortable with yourself, not something preexisting that you just can’t escape from and are forced to accept.
me talking to men or straight people or people whose politics i don’t know and trust: i was born this way.
