Gin & Bitters

S1 Crowley: It's all a game and we can win if we play well enough.

S2 Crowley: It's all a game and we can't win, but we could stop playing.

Unreasonable Workplace Adjustments(?)

Currently off work due to mental health, diagnosis of: Bipolar manic episode proceeded by stress related burnout, and I also have dyslexia and migraines.

Potential diagnoses of anxiety and autism (psychiatrist identified “significant traits of autism” at a meeting, family history of autism and I passed the written exam aka the NHS screening tests with a “high” likelihood of autism, but no formal diagnosis. It is hard to diagnose if anxiety is long-standing when in a state of burnout followed by mania so this one is parked).

I need to think about a return to work and whether any further “reasonable adjustments” can be requested to help out with that. I have a few already (e.g. days working from home, adjusted hours to suit my sleep cycle, access to quiet office space).

However, my thoughts on new adjustments do not feel like they’ll be considered as “reasonable”. Kind of hoping that writing out the “unreasonable” adjustments will lead to some ideas for “reasonable” ones - but it would be nice to get some help if anyone else has ideas.

My list so far has:

No Human Contact Days: on which days it shall be prohibited for any person(s) to contact or interact with the employee by any means including, but not limited to: email, MS Teams, Skype, telephone, conference calls, face to face meetings.

Non-Verbal Response Acceptance: whereby any comment/suggestion/idea made to the employee, to which they are unable to immediately form an articulate verbal response (e.g. because the idea is so stupid that it is impossible to even begin to assemble the words needed to rebut it), it shall become acceptable for the employee to respond using a non-verbal method.

Preferable methods include, but are not limited to:

Honking loudly in the manner of an angry goose to denote disapproval

High pitched “squee-ing” to denote approval or excitement

Repeated tapping of self or other object to denote frustration etc. 

A full written explanation of the non-verbal response may be requested within a 24 hour period if further explanation is required.

Alternative Formatting Requirement: the explanation of any concept, idea, process or procedure cannot be given solely in a verbal format. Alternatives such as diagrams, flow charts, written explanation or pictorial representations must be provided without the need for an explicit request from the employee.

New Idea Reflection Period: prior to any employee being expected to react or provide comment or feedback on a new concept, idea or suggestion, a mandatory period of quiet reflection should be given of a time proportionate to the importance, complexity and scope of the “new idea” in question. The processes variously called “brainstorming”, “thought showers”, “brain dumps” etc., whereby instant reactions and responses are required from participants relating to "new ideas", shall henceforth be prohibited.

Standard Protocols for Written Two-way Communications: to apply specifically to trails of emails, SMS, MS Teams etc, but can be applied to any online/written interactions:

1) As relevant to the communication; identify your department/team/site/job role (delete as applicable)

2) state reason for communication

3) deliver communication

4) if relevant, clearly state any “actions” requested of recipient separate to the main body of the communication

5) end communication with either “over” (to denote the expectation of a reply), or “out” to denote that a response is not expected or necessary.

Step 1 may be considered optional if the initiator of the communication is known to the communicatee.

Step 5 can under no circumstances be omitted, however the use of “over” by the communicator does not prevent the communicatee from responding if they consider it necessary.

Written Guidelines for Workplace Emoji Usage: with example scenarios for when each emoji may be deemed appropriate or otherwise. Clearly signalled dispensation for any employee from the use of emojis should be made available where such a code proves impossible to write or implement.

The Company shall provide for the use of their employees the following facilities:

Padded Cell: room with walls and floors padded to a significant depth with spongy material such as to prevent injury to any employee who makes abrupt or violent physical contact with that surface. Supplementary provision of: dimmed lighting, colour changeable lighting, cushions or other soft furnishings of various textures, background noises of a soothing nature, e.g. low humming, thunderstorm or burning fire sounds, shall be made available as per the various needs of the employee.

Doodle Pads and Pencils: to be provided in all meeting rooms and concentration on such doodling to be accepted in lieu of eye-contact or confirmatory noises otherwise used to denote comprehension of a speaker’s intent.

A Void: soundproofed room with one wall painted as a visual representation of “The Void” into which employees will be permitted to scream whenever required. (I think I've heard of a company who provides a "screaming room" but can't remember the details).

Rubber Keyboard and Mouse: equipment thus described to be designed to a robust standard which will maintain operational integrity in the event of said equipment being punched, banged, thrown to the ground, or otherwise mistreated in any fashion necessary to alleviate employee distress actuated by faulty or slow responding IT equipment.

There are other things - like written agendas for meetings, not moving meeting times or booking in new meetings last minute, written actions to be circulated post meetings, ability to block out time in a day for concentrated working, quiet spaces, desks with natural daylight etc - that are genuinely possible to implement...

The Magnus Archives - Collage

Happy Face

...but here's the thing. I reckon angels are mostly illiterate. In S1 Gabriel and Sandalphon have no interest in books and don't seem to care the "pornography" they're holding is Mrs Beeton's Household Management. None of the Archangels seem to read or even recognise the biblical quote on the matchbox. Their records seem to be in video format. Muriel, an actual Recording Angel, never seems to have read a book before. Jim tries to sort books alphabetically by the first sentence, clearly not a reader, and his grasp of the alphabet seems shaky.

Whereas the demons not only read books, but actually write their own! Given the changing standards of English spelling, and the lack of phonetics, it's hardly surprising they're not totally accurate. But they at least try!