"loving and loving and never walking away"

my mother hated herself she told me this every time she looked at her wedding dress she sat down at the table and we both sighed more times than i could count and we refused to meet eyes because we knew we were both scared of that hatred my mother had oceanic eyes the kind that swirled around your feet gently at first the kind that surged and pulled and devoured, consumed you whole and kept you under and didn't let go until months after because they waited until the search parties stopped looking

my mother has always been beautiful her mother told her she was disgusting when her waist wasn't existent her first husband beat this in to her head and she still refuses to eat even though she is beautiful and she exhales her hatred alone at night because she hates people to see her weaknesses

i will not weep for i have not lost you it is easier for boys to lock the door shut the shades become forgetful than face monstrous truth

i do not weep at this at your weakness i invite you to come inside take off your shoes

I walked through the forest; right straight back--- Quiet, still, I feel your forgetfulness When you murmur your monotone confessions to me, I could not resist staying once more Oh, how I dreamed of being free since my birth. Yet these memories tie me here. I am falling to my knees at your leaden feet. I drink in the essence of what you are.

Drowning in your birdsong cacophony Falling into the flora struggling to swallow you whole Only to rise up, great marble behemoth To shake darkness away Into the reluctant place from whence they came. You are beautiful in your tragedy. Returning to you is like a relapse--- I watch you decay in fragile attempts to reassemble

I stand still attempting to remember your voice, Ancient in memory, Worn and gone. Even this wild space Forgets forgiveness. Your eye’s outcroppings say it. My memories betray me. I shake you through your core Through moss entombment, balmy air, While the hour grows Near, reluctant departure imminent.

Bracing for what I could never avoid Pale trenches in the sky appear, Ah, time so soon! Deceptive, gone, so fleeting, gone! We are alone, or so it seems--- Though only the undergrowth converses amongst us Alone and silent, lonely poor leviathan I touch cold skin, old funeral mound Silence! Calculating, suffocating silence! Five years love, yet your name upon the tomb still astounds me.

You were always an ever-changing ocean Without much thought you made your way Leading me into waters of renewal Oh, how simple I wish things could stay

Without much thought you made your way Drawing me into treacherous pools Oh, how simple I wish things could stay In the end, I am still your fool

Drawing me unknowingly into the fray You knew I would stay forever true I stay waiting for waves to take me away I spend my days only hoping for you

You knew I would stay forever true Some childish hopes never change I spend my days only hoping for you Captivated by the beauty that is your rage

Some childish hopes never change Leading me into waters that promised renewal Captivated by the beauty that is your rage In the end, you were always an ever-changing ocean.

I didn't exactly start writing because I needed to, but mainly because I had a class that encouraged it, and an amazing teacher who saw something in me. Nothing in me made me think I would be fit to be a writer, but I was given proper instruction and found poems sprouting from my fingertips.

In any case, writing has become something that soothes my soul and calms me when I need counsel. This will be a place where I put the things I write into the world for others to see.

All originally posted content is mine, unless otherwise stated.