Nat

About me: I'm 14, Gender-fluid (any pronouns) and on the aro-spec. Most of what i do or talk about is sitcoms and art so i'll probably post shit about that. I have a caard the links to my socials and fun links like my fake movie website which i update from time to time. https://gilfphucker2000.carrd.co I'm black and generally do not enjoy majorly racial humor as it makes me uncomfortable (i've had many racist experiences in the past and i'm tired of it) I like rock and midwest emo music, my favorite bands are The Arctic monkeys, Mom jeans, matchbox 20, and Nerf herder.

As mentioned before i like sitcoms and television in general. Faves are community, Supernatural, Ted lasso, and the IT crowd. And with all that said i shall depart. might update this in the future but here it is for now.

Months. No. more than months. Years have gone by since jane last saw him. Since she last saw his face, his smile, his dark eyes that filled a deep void inside of her. John was long gone, and there was no way of getting him back. She knows that now, believe me, she knows. The clear differences are impossible to ignore, he's not the same. he's not her husband no matter how much he looks like him, that’s what hurts the most.

So now, she has to move on. More fish and all that jazz.. Just more fish to distract you from the biggest catch you've ever had. She decides going out more will help. All the oxygen will stop that suffocating feeling she has everyday she wakes up. Though, it's not all for nothing, it seems she reeled someone in. "Hiya, Jane!" She turns her head left, 007n7, her neighbor. He's waving enthusiastically, it's almost cute. He walks closer to her fence and leans on it, "I don't think I've ever seen you out this early! Whatcha up to?" He tilts his head, she still doesn't get how the giant burger doesn't slide at all but that’s not important. For the past few weeks jane and 007 have been subtly flirting as she works on forgetting john.

Which is bad--Not the forgetting john part.

it's just a very bad idea. He has a kid for gods sakes! This is out of her depth, I mean john didn't have kids. And- and- she's not mother material… that doesn't mean she'll stop flirting with him though. That'd just be boring.

"Oh, nothing really. Just watering some daisies." Jane grabs her hose and starts spraying the flowers-- albeit a bit to intense on the pressure.

"Woah there! Be gentle," 007 chuckles, jane didn't know if that "be gentle" was supposed to be seductive or not but either way she liked it. Made her feel tingly inside, its different. John.. John might've been move obvious with his advances, more.. Hands on. god did she miss that.. "Maybe change that pressure a bit!" He instructs.

Jane rolls her eyes and lightens the pressure. "there. Happy now?" 007n7 smiles, and he's just about to speak when c00lkidd runs out the door with his skate board and a bag full of frozen hotdogs. 007's focus quickly shifts to his son, he shouts after him telling him to be more careful and whatnot.

To be honest, jane wasn't paying attention anymore. She missed being a priority to someone--not to say 007n7's wrong-- she understands. That’s why it makes her miss john all the more. It was them against the world. Was. Get a grip, Jane.

She finishes watering her flowers and books it to her door. She's supposed to forget him. Why is it so hard to forget him. Why? What sense does it make for your brain to torment you?

Was the loss not enough? Was it too much? What was it at all.

Just like every day she goes to her bed to rot. Her pillow is full of tears, that’s all its for now. Her tears. This was pathetic wasn't it? She's pathetic. Just as the world starts to blur Janes phone vibrates.

She checks it reluctantly, 007n7. he texted her. "sorry about the kiddo," he types first. "I've been wanting to get to know you more 1 on 1 without distractions and C00lkidd has a sleepover. Maybe you could come over for dinner?" She begins typing, then deletes it.

Typing… delete, Typing… delete, Typing… delete.. Read.

"if you're up for it, the offer stays (:"

---

Great. She's having dinner with him now right after her fifth breakdown over her ex. Wonderful start to a relationship. Way to go, jane! Keep yourself safe.

She knocks on the door, immediately she hears something fall inside the house. A few seconds later the door swings open.

Damn, He looked good in a button up.

"Jane! I'm glad you decided to show up!" 007n7 smiles brightly at her, "Oh, uh, m'lady" He moves a bit to grant her an opening to walk inside. His house was cozy, domestic, and a bit messy.

This is what a home looks like. It's what theirs hers was like.

He leads her to the dinner table, perfectly set up like a fancy restaurant-- its clear he tried hard for this. It makes her heart ache a bit thinking about the work he put into impressing her.

He really was a sweet guy. The sweetest. The dinner is pleasant, the questions are engaging, and he looks good. What more could she want? What in the world could she possibly want? What is it she would part the earth for, give her life for, go to hell and back for.

This is wrong. This dinner is a lie-- a sham. 007n7 deserves someone who could give him the fullest. Jane can't give him that. The fact is the only person she could love, the only person she could know how to love, was john. And he's gone.

"Jane? You alright there?" 007 puts a hand on her shoulder "you look like you've just fought a war!"

"007n7, I can't do this. I can't lie to you and pretend I can handle loving someone right now." Jane stare him directly in the eye. Theres no more running. Just truth

"I'm not the one you want, 7n7." Tears begin to form in her eyes. "I can't love. Not after him. My heart swallowed itself the day I lost him."

Silence settles over the room for a second, 007n7 stares at his plate before a wry smile appears on his face. "I get it jane." He wipes her tears "I'm not the one you need, John is. Losing someone is hard. No, not just hard it's- it's.. Earth-shattering. Nothings ever the same."

For a while she just sits there crying while 007n7 comforts her. Grief. That’s all that’s left. Grieving someone who's not dead is the worst, you know they're there, but their not. It's a hollow shell. All you can do is wait for the feeling to pass. Waiting. That’s all it ever is.

"I think its time you got home, jane"

Maybe sometime in the distant future she can love him.