.

from how I look to how I talk and my anxiety about school is already acting up so bad I am seriously considering cutting myself again

Im just so tired of everything I don’t want to continue thus endless cycle of pushing myself to my limits every day and barely getting the bare minimum done

I still sometimes wish to die

My heart aches when I think of you

My guts wrench when I think everything to do with her

I can never unsee any of the shit I have seen online

sometimes it gets better, easier to ignore but it’s always there somehow. And it has been for the past 6 years at least. Maybe longer. And now that Ive been medicated and in therapy (even though it’s coming to an end) i still feel that way.

I don’t see myself living a happy life in the future. I just can’t grow up. I hardly manage school, only through the support of my teachers (like how i don’t have a set limit of sick days im allowed to have).

But what’s next? Graduation? Finding a job? Moving out? How am I supposed to handle any of that if I can’t even do the bare minimum RIGHT NOW.

And what will I do when my parents are gone? They are thenones who support me throughout everything, emotionally and financially. In no world would I be able to keep a job like this.

And it’s not just me. I got my cat too. I can’t let her down.

Life is just so complicated, so painful. It always is. Im just tired. I want to dream a little longer in the arms of my parents. I don’t want to grow up.