Collection Of Nightmares

Olivia sends her thanks, and then the butterflies settle into her stomach again. The last time that she saw Juno was in a hospital when both of them were still recovering. She hadn’t looked her best, and now she felt like she had to. Olivia didn’t know what made her feel this way, but now that the thought was there, she couldn’t get it to leave. 

Finally, she settles on the black dress that she had worn to send Munch off. It is simple, fits her comfortably, and feels appropriate to wear to a foster home. She looks herself over in the mirror one more time, fluffing her hair before she heads for the door. As soon as she gets in the chair and pulls up the directions, she gets a car that makes her body freeze. Cassidy. 

They have been taking a break for the last couple of weeks. Nothing felt the same after the first time Lewis had come around, and Cassidy had grown distant. He didn’t know how to take care of an Olivia that wasn’t okay, and right now she didn’t know how to be okay. There was a little piece of Olivia that didn’t know if she would ever really be “okay” again. Their interactions while she was in the hospital had been odd, and she realized that she hadn’t thought about him in days. The only thing consuming her mind was Juno and making sure that she was safe. 

Right before it goes to voicemail, she picks it up. “Hey, Cass.”

“Olivia, you haven’t been answering my texts.”

“Sorry, it has been a long couple of days at work. What’s going on?” She asks, her eyes focused on the road, so she can get out of the city. 

There is a pause as he tries to contemplate if that is truly what is going on. “I was just calling to check on you. See if we could talk.”

“I can’t right now. I’m on my way to see Juno,” Olivia replies softly. “Maybe we could meet for coffee tomorrow, though?”

“Juno is the girl…” Cassidy says, trailing off while he figures out how to phrase the rest of his sentence. 

He doesn’t have to wait long for Olivia to supply it for him. “She was the girl that Lewis captured. We were in the hospital together.”

“Oh, so you are just following up on her?” Cassidy asks, his interest piqued now. 

Olivia hesitates, then as she tries to put into words exactly what she is going to see Juno. Part of it is that she wants to check up on her, but it is more than that. Olivia feels like she can’t heal unless she knows that Juno is somewhere safe. 

“Yeah, I just… needed to see her,” she says softly. 

“Well, safe travels, and I will see you for coffee tomorrow,” Cassidy replies. 

Olivia thanks him and then lets the silence settle into the car. When she is sure she is on the right road, she flicks on the radio and relaxes for a second. Olivia is on her way to see Juno, her girl, as Amanda had said in her text. 

~-~

Olivia looks up at the house that is crumbling before her eyes with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She didn’t know what she was expecting when they told her that Juno was in a group home, but she definitely wasn’t expecting this. This looks less like a place to foster teenagers and more like a haunted horror house. 

She tries to push her judgment aside as she walks up the porch steps. Just as she is about to reach the top, wood splinters, and she has to jump to not fall in the gap that was made. Olivia has only been here for a matter of moments, and she knows that she needs to get Juno out of her as soon as possible. 

With renewed determination, she knocks on the door. When no answer comes within a couple of seconds, she knocks again. The second knock is met with silence, so her third knock is louder. Finally, she sees the ruffle of a curtain, and the door opens. 

A scrawny woman stands in front of her. “You, that detective, aren’t you?”

“Sergeant,” Olivia corrects a little harsher than she intended. “I’m just here to see Juno.”

“I know who you here to see, but you ain’t coming in,” the woman scoffs. “They told me about you and said you weren’t allowed in.”

Olivia’s eyes narrow then. “What do you mean they told you not to let me see her?”

“Look, all I know is that you ain’t on the list, so you ain’t coming in,” the woman shrugs. “Plus that bitch ain’t here anymore anyway.”

Olivia feels her blood boil then. Her hands clench into a fist, and she has to remind herself to breathe. Nothing is going to get solved if she punches this woman for calling Juno a bitch. She tries to remember anything that her therapist has taught her about grounding herself, but all she can hear is the pounding in her ear. It is the woman who finally makes the move to bring Olivia back to herself with a swift slam of the door. 

Olivia pulls her phone out of her pocket, determined to call this horrible group home in and then find Juno when a call from Amanda comes in. She answers, and it is the other woman who speaks first. 

“They picked up Juno on the side of the road for assaulting a man. I was able to talk to Cassidy,” Amanda explains, but Olivia immediately cuts her off. 

“Cassidy was the one to pick her up?” The question comes out with a bite that Olivia can’t contain as she jumps back in her car. 

“He didn’t know it was Juno. They thought she was a prostitute with a john. Turns out she was trying to hitchhike her way to the city to get to you because she figured out they weren’t going to let you see her,” Amanda says. “I’m here now, but she is in a bad way. I think you need to get down here as soon as possible.”

“I’ll be there in thirty,” Olivia replies, her hands clutching the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles are already turning white. “And hey, get Fin to call child protective services on the group home I was just at. She knew that Juno had been missing since last night.”

Amanda agrees to call Fin, and Olivia peels onto the freeway at a speed that is dangerous. There is part of her that is relieved Juno is safe, but there is another part of her that wishes Juno had just waited. Juno’s caseworker already believed the first time Juno was kidnapped was because she was trying to catch a john. Now here she was getting caught beating up a man. 

-~-

Amanda turns the corner back to the room cell where Juno waits for her. The red and black of the young girl’s hair is starting to fade to a dull brown color that looks eerily similar to Olivia’s. She is curled in a ball with clothes that are twice her size, seemingly swallowing her alive. It hurts the blonde’s heart to see Juno this way when she knows that all she wanted was to see Olivia. 

“Juno, it’s Amanda,” she calls out. 

Juno’s head pops up immediately, and that is when the blonde sees it: a large purple and black bruise that covers the young girl’s right eye. Amanda has to bite back the gasp that wants to come out. Instead, she chooses to focus on the watery smile Juno gives her. 

“Hi, Amanda.”

Amanda nods towards the guard, who unlocks the cell so she can step inside. With one stern glare, he backs out of the room, leaving Amanda alone with Juno. Amanda doesn’t have the same kind of connection with the young girl, but she visibly softens when she realizes that she is with someone she trusts.

Amanda sits on the bench across from Juno and places a wrapped granola bar between them. “What happened?”

Juno hesitates for a moment before taking the bar. “The woman I was staying with never learned how to speak quietly on the phone. I overheard her talking with my caseworker that Olivia wasn’t allowed to come see me.” She slowly unravels the wrapper. “When I asked they wouldn’t even tell me why. I just…I didn’t think I could go without seeing her.”

Amanda watches then as Juno discreetly rubs at the arms of her jacket. When Juno catches her stare she asks another question. “So what happened with the guy in the truck?”

Juno slowly nibbles a bite of the food then trying to delay her answer. “He was asking me a bunch of questions. I told him my mom was an SVU detective but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I just….”

She stops talking then curling her legs closer to her chest. Amanda fills in the blanks oif what Juno can’t say making a mental note to find out who this man was. It also doesn’t slip her notice that Juno had used Olivia as her mom. Maybe it was just a scenario but Amanda realizes that every lie always has a kernel of truth or hope to it. 

Finally Juno speaks again, “Do you think Olivia ever gets scared?”

“All the time,” Amanda response is instant. “We all get scared sometimes. It’s okay.” “I just wanted to be scared together,” Juno says softly. 

~-~

When Olivia gets to the precinct, her eyes land on Cassidy first. There is a moment where his body tenses as she storms over to him. 

“You arrested Juno.” It isn’t a question but a bitter statement that comes out between gritted teeth. 

“It was a known prostitution area, and she was beating the man. What else were we supposed to do, Liv?”

“Maybe for one second believe that she wasn’t in the area for that reason because she is fifteen,” Olivia says, sighing in frustration. “Her caseworker already believes that she got caught by Lewis for working the streets. This doesn’t help.”

Cassidy places a gentle hand on Olivia’s shoulder, and she does her best not to stiffen. “I’m sorry, Liv. We have the guy in custody, too; it wasn’t all on Juno. Maybe if you can look at his picture, you can help us understand why Juno started going after the guy.”

“He looks like Lewis,” Olivia says, looking at the photo. “She probably fell into a flashback. She wasn't in control of herself. You would know this if…”

She cuts herself off before she can say the rest. He would have known this if he had paid any attention to the signs of her own PTSD. The signs when her body stiffened from a simple touch. Or her eyes unfocused because something reminded her of his cologne. Or her mind freezing at the sound of a gunshot. Or how she scrubbed her hands over and over again because she swore flecks of his blood still were under her fingernails. 

“I’m going to see Juno,” Olivia finally says, but she places a finger on the picture of the man. “You should call Fin about this, though. Juno probably isn’t the only young girl he has tried to do this with.”

Olivia turns then and wanders back towards the holding cell. The guard outside tells her that Amanda must still be with Juno. She peeks in the room and immediately feels the way her heart settles at the sight of the young girl. She rushes inside, and Juno only looks up when she hears the bars clatter. 

Juno doesn’t even have the chance to say anything before Olivia wraps her in a tight hug. Juno immediately buries her face into the side of Olivia’s neck, her arms tightening in her dress. It is clear how desperate these two have been to see each other. 

For Olivia, it feels like she can finally breathe again. She doesn’t have to worry about what may be happening to Juno; all she has to do is hold Juno close to her. Juno, on the other hand, feels for the first time in years that she may actually be safe for once.

The moment is only dampened when Juno starts to cry slightly before sniffling. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

Olivia pulls back slightly to gently swipe away the young girl’s tears. “Oh my sweet girl, it’s okay.”

“I just… I wanted to see you and they weren’t going to let me. I tried. I tried to ask why but they wouldn’t say. They just told me that they would never let me see you and I just… I was. I was so scared,” Juno says her voice wobbling as more tears rush down her face. 

Olivia’s heart breaks to hear Juno so upset. She hugs the girl tighter, rubbing small circles along her back. “I promise you I would have done anything to see you. I’m not going anywhere.”

I wouldn’t make promises that you can’t keep, Detective,” a bitter voice calls out.

“It’s Sergeant,” Juno and Amanda say at the same time. 

Olivia tries to contain her smile as her two favorite people come to her defense. When she turns to see who interrupted them, her stomach drops. The caseworker’s expression is dark and cold as she stares at the way that Juno seems to cling to Olivia. Without realizing it, Olivia goes to move Juno further away from the caseworker’s gaze.

“Juno has yet again ruined another placement, and we have to find her another home to go to,” she pauses, letting her eyes continue to dig into Juno. “If there are even homes left that want her.”

“I can take her,” Olivia says immediately. 

“No, you can’t. I won’t allow it,” the caseworker responds just as quickly.

Olivia lets her frustration show then. “What do you have against me? Juno clearly needs a placement, and I have shown that I’m more than willing to be here for her.”

“I was the caseworker who came out the first time that you applied to be a foster parent,” she explains, her voice calm as Olivia searches for the memory. “I denied you then, and I will deny you again. She isn’t going with you.”

“I’ll take her,” Amanda says quickly. “We have more investigating to do about this incident, so she needs to be somewhere we can easily reach her. I’ll make sure she is taken care of.”

The caseworker doesn’t immediately agree to this. Instead, she walks out to the hallway to call her supervisor. Once she is out of the room, Juno begins to completely unravel. Olivia notices it immediately in the way her shoulders shake, how there is a quick breath and then silence, and how Juno’s fingers begin to shake. 

She moves back to clutch Juno’s face gently in her hand. Juno is biting down hard on her bottom lip to stop from crying. Olivia leans forward to gently kiss her forehead. 

“It’s going to be okay, I promise you. No matter what she says, I will figure out how to get custody of you,” She swipes her fingers gently across Juno’s cheeks. “Wherever you end up, I need you to be patient, okay? I need you to give me some time. Can you do that?”

-~-

You look down at the outfit that Ava is holding in her hand. “No way in hell am I putting that on.”

“And why the hell not?” Ava counters. “You and I both know the only thing you want out of this date is to get laid. This will get you laid.”

“You make me sound so cold,” you growl as you take the clothes from her hands, not exactly denying her claim. You wanted to get laid, hell, you needed it. You needed anything to remind you that you were human.  

Ava shrugs. “If Wanda wants the same thing, then I don’t see anything cold about it.”

You raise your eyebrow at your friend. “How do you know that is what Wanda wants? Are you plotting behind my back again?”

“Nah, I just know how Wanda works. She wants a fun time for as long as she can get it. She moves around too much to settle down,” Ava explains, nodding towards the outfit. “Now go get the outfit on and make sure that you wear the push-up bra that makes your boobs extra perky.”

“You know way too much about my boobs,” you grumble, going to your bathroom. 

“They are nice boobs!” Ava yells before you slam the door in her face. 

The silence that follows allows you to take a deep breath. This was going to go better than it had with Melissa. It had to. You didn’t know how much more heartbreak you could take. It felt like you had enough to carry you through a lifetime. It didn’t help that the way she kissed you last week still lingered on your lips, and the words she whispered pounded in your head anytime there was any semblance of silence. 

You look at the bathroom mirror, and your eye catches the Post-it notes that you have hung all across it. Little snippets of motivational quotes to remind you, even on the most difficult days, that things will get better. Your eyes linger on a red one that hides in the corner. If she wanted to, she would have. You put that one up shortly after Melissa had rejected you the last time. In those simple words, you captured everything you needed to know. You had given Melissa a million chances to show you that she actually wanted you, and she hadn’t. It was time to move on and find something to scratch the itch that had taken residence underneath your skin. 

You throw your lounging clothes in the hamper by the door, determined that you were going to make the most out of this date. With a couple of tugs, the black pants Ava gave you slide over your curves and settle right above your hips. You don’t button them at first, pulling on the striped tank top that had been chosen for the occasion. With the hem tucked in, you pulled the corset belt tight around you, fighting the buttons for a moment. When it finally clips into place, you button the pants closed and smooth your hands down your front. It is tight enough to accentuate your curves but loose enough that you can still breathe. You fluff your curls one final time before pulling on your rings that litter both hands. To complete the outfit, you decide on adding a necklace that loops three times around your neck before the charm finally settles between your breasts. It is then that you pause, but finally pop up the last button that exposes the outline of your lace brace. If you were going to commit to the bit, then you were going to fully commit. 

When you step out of your room, Ava lets out a low whistle. “Now that is my hot ass bitch. I knew you could do it.”

You roll your eyes, flipping her off. “Alright bitch, now get out of my house and back to your girl.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Ava winks as she heads for the door. “Early but not that early.”

“Why am I friends with you?” You growl, but then a soft smile crosses your face. “Love you, Ava.”

“Not as much as I love you, nerd,” she says, leaning in to give you a soft kiss on the cheek. “Now go clear out those cobwebs.”

You roll your eyes, going to yell at her, but she is already halfway down your driveway. You watch her get in her car and drive down the street before you finally shut your front door. Ava is a pain, but you know deep down past that cold exterior, she really loves you and only wants the best for you. 

-~-

Melissa knows what day it is. Of course she does. You hadn’t wanted to talk about your date, but Barbara had finally pulled it out of you at lunch one day. It concerned Melissa that you were going on a date with a woman you barely knew. You should be going out with someone who knew that you needed to walk closest to the buildings cause you often wandered too close to the street. Someone who knew that you often got nervous when ordering food and would repeat what you wanted multiple times just to remember the order. Someone who knows you and will cherish what that means.

“Melissa, are you even listening?” Barbara asks, pulling the redhead from her thoughts.

“Sorry, Barb, I'm just not in it today,” Melissa sighs. 

“Still thinking about Y/N?” 

Mel runs a hand through her curls and shrugs. “Just worried about her going on a date with a stranger. It isn't safe.”

Barbara raises an eyebrow as she studies her friend. “You know that is how normal people date, right? That is how you found your ex-husband.”

It is a low growl that escapes the redhead, which makes Barbara tilt her head to the side. “Melissa, you need to let it go. You had your chance with her.”

The regret rips through Melissa as she remembers that night. You had been so excited, and she had let insecurities get in the way. She had spent the entire evening telling herself all of the things that were wrong with herself. By the time you had taken her home, Melissa had convinced herself that it had been nothing more than a dinner with a good friend. It took her days to recognize her mistake, and by that time, you were gone, so far retreated into your shell that she knew she had lost her chance forever. 

“Thanks for the reminder, Barb,” Melissa says pitifully. “I just…I kissed her last week, and I thought things might have changed between us. But all it did was make me realize that I’m a chicken who will never leave the comfort of what is familiar.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s all going to work out.” Barbara soothes even though she doesn’t really believe it. She had been trying to convince Melissa for years to do something different but it always ended up the same way. She places a soft hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go get dinner. Margaritas will help you feel better.”

Melissa agrees because maybe drowning herself in spicy margaritas might fill the hole in her heart. However, it immediately becomes a mistake when they walk into their usual Mexican restaurant, and she spots you. It is your laugh that catches her attention first. It breaks through the clatter of plates and murmurs of other people talking and draws her eyes to you. 

You are leaning over the table completing ignoring your food as you look at Wanda. Melissa’s eyes flick down to your shirt, where your breasts are barely contained, and that's when she sees it. Wanda’s hand comes out to pluck at your necklace, her fingers twisting in the metal a couple of times before she pulls you in. Your face burns red, but you smile, which makes Melissa bite her bottom lip to stop from whimpering. 

-~-

“How about we skip dessert and go back to your place?” Wanda asks as she continues to twirl your necklace between her fingers. 

“That is something I can get behind,” you smile, but then pause when the insecure part of your brain begins to catch up. “You should know that I’m not interested in a relationship…I just.”

“Need to get laid to remember what having a good time is like?” She asks so unfazed that you laugh before nodding. “Don’t worry, baby, that is exactly what I’m looking for.”

“Then it sounds like we are a match made in the stars,” you say, and there is a slight pink tint to Wanda’s cheeks as she calls the waiter for the check. 

She pays quickly and then grabs your hand, pulling you through the restaurant faster than your feet can keep up. You stumble outside, and before you can gain your bearings, your back is pressed up against the wall. You let out a huff of air and then a little moan as her teeth graze the side of your neck. Your hand goes to curl in her hair when you hear it: a soft cough of someone who has been rudely interrupted by a horiness neither of you could contain. 

Wanda pulls away slightly with her hands still grasped around your waist. You open your eyes and turn to find Melissa watching you. There is a cigarette hanging out of her lips, and any other time, you would have lingered on the way her lips curled around it. Today, all you can do is try to stifle a laugh. 

“Mel! I didn’t know you were here,” you say with a smile so bright that Melissa feels her stomach clench. 

“Barb and I were having margaritas. Why don’t you and your date join us?” She asks, attempting not to let her distaste show through gritted teeth. 

You don’t even hesitate in your response. “Next time, Wanda and I are heading out for dessert.”

Wanda laughs then, and Melissa has the horrible realization that she knows exactly what you are about to do. She is useless to stop it though as you wave a goodbye and run through the pouring rain with Wanda back to your car. Her eyes linger for only a moment to see Wanda push your back up against the car and begin to kiss down your neck again. 

When she can finally look away, she flicks the cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with her foot. There was only one way to remedy the jealousy that clung to her every nerve ending, waiting to eat her alive: endless margaritas until she couldn’t remember her own name.

-

Taglist

It is only after she wears herself out and falls asleep holding Olivia’s hand that there is silence in the apartment. Olivia will wait there, running her hands through Viola’s hair, until she is sure the little girl has fully drifted off to sleep before she sneaks out to the living room. Most nights, she stays awake for a while texting you just to check in. The responses are short at first, but then become longer as you fall into familiar patterns from when you first started dating. There are no phone calls without Viola present, but Olivia feels you opening up piece by piece. Tonight, however, you are silent, which Fin tells her is because you have fallen asleep, dragged under by a heavy dose of pain medication after a particularly hard PT session. 

So Olivia turns on the TV and flicks through the channels to find anything to fill the silence that she can’t seem to stand anymore. Eventually, she drifts off to sleep on the couch with one of Viola’s stuffed animals curled to her chest purely because there is still the faintest scent of you tangled in its fur. 

The TV is on some weird infomercial when she first hears it. A scream that is too loud for the tiny little body that it is coming from. Olivia rips back the thing blanket that she had been sleeping under and rushes into the room that she officially made Viola’s. Fairy lights illuminate the little girl who is thrashing in the purple quilt that covers her bed. Her stuffed animals are thrown in a chaotic mess all over the room instead of in their organized pattern along the wall. 

Olivia steps over them, carefully scooping the screaming girl up in her arms. Viola immediately clings to her, fingers twisting tightly in her shirt, as she presses her head into Olivia’s neck. Olivia rocks back and forth, small shushing noises escaping from her lips. 

“I’m here, baby,” she murmurs when Viola starts to settle into wobbly sobs and hiccups. “I got you. You are safe.”

She keeps repeating those simple phrases until Viola finally breathes normally. Olivia pulls back just enough to place a soft kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “Bad dream?”

Viola nods and, between sniffles, explains. “Mommy was on the floor bleeding… and and I couldn’t find babushka.” Olivia moves her fingers to wipe away tears that fall down the little girl’s face. “And you were gone and and I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again.”

Olivia clings to the little girl more tightly when everything is revealed. “Oh, baby, that sounds like a really scary dream. But I promise you it was just a dream. We talked to Mommy at the hospital, and she gets to come home soon. Babushka is out trying to finish some things up and then she will be home.”

“And you aren’t going away again?” Viola interjects so quickly that it takes Olivia off guard. 

“No, baby girl, I’m not going anywhere,” Olivia promises, kissing Viola’s forehead one more time. “I’m never leaving you ever again.” Her heart clenches for a moment before she adds. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you growing up…”

“But you are here now,” Viola reminds softly as she buries herself closer to Olivia’s chest, and for a moment, Olivia forgets who is supposed to be comforting whom.

“I’m here now, and that is never going to change,” She says softly. “Would you like me to tell you a story from when Mommy and I first started talking about making a family?”

Viola’s eyes light up, and she nods eagerly. They settle back against the pillows with Olivia pulling the blankets around them both. She takes a deep breath before she dives into the memory. 

-~-

Even Further In The Past

You are lying in bed with a sheet pulled high around you. There is still a little bead of sweat that runs down your head that Olivia gently wipes away. You lean into her touch, a blissful smile of someone who has spent hours lost in their own fantasy world coming across your face. Olivia kisses your nose and then your lips softly. 

“What is on that beautiful brain of yours?” She murmurs as she curls against your side. 

“When you first met me, did you think that we would ever get to this point?” You ask, glancing around. “Living in an apartment that isn’t a shithole, engaged, and potentially a baby on the way?”

Olivia smiles then her hands absentmindly tracing patterns up and down your arm. “Maybe not when we first met, but I think by the first date I knew that I wanted to spend my life with you.”

“How?”

The question is simple, not based on insecurity but on genuine curiosity. It is one of the things Olivia loves most about you. You always want to know what she is thinking and how she came to her decision. It wasn’t only with her that you did this, no matter what was going on, you just wanted to learn.

“Being with you felt like the first breath of fresh air right after it rains. You know the kind that makes you realize the world is being wiped clean,” Olivia tells you, which makes you giggle. “You made me realize what it was like to be adored by someone. You didn’t just show up for me because you had to. You came into my life because you wanted to, and you made sure every second that you could that I was someone who mattered to you. I never had to guess.”

She pauses to give you a soft kiss on the temple before continuing. “You didn’t make me feel less than because of my past or how I was born. You made me realize that having kids didn’t have to be scary, that it could be a way to celebrate life. You hadn’t even said you had wanted kids yet, but I knew the moment you asked, I would say yes. I wanted to say yes because I knew that you would be an amazing mother. That you would love our child more than anything in the whole world and would do anything to make sure that they were cared for and protected.”

“All of that from the first date?” You asked with tears brimming in your eyes. 

She kissed your cheek where a stray tear had escaped. “All of that because I found the love of my life.”

-~-

Present Day

Olivia remembers these moments in bits and pieces as her heart begins to slow. She remembers promising Viola that she would never leave. She remembers telling you the moment she fell in love with you. She remembers every moment that she had with you in Viola in snapshots that are gone before she can truly grasp how important they are. There are so many of them that they blur together, but she also knows there is not nearly enough. 

There are years of memory that were stolen from her because of one man who decided that she was his property and nothing more. She knows now that if she had never let Elliot Stabler back in her life, she could have had years of toddler kisses and cozy nights curled in bed with her wife. She could have had so much, and now he has stolen it from her. 

Galina is alive. Viola is alive. You are alive. And Olivia… well, she is in that middle ground where the world around her is right out of reach, and no matter how hard she tries, she just can’t seem to get back to the side of the living. Every time gets a little harder, and for a moment, Olivia wonders what it would be like if she just stopped trying. 

She can’t stop trying, though, because a little girl is waiting on the other side for her. A little girl who looks exactly like her who made her promise that she would never leave again. Not only that, but the last words you said still ring in her head as a melody to keep her legs pushing forward. It’s me, you, and our little star against the world. You can’t leave us now. 

Which is true. She can’t leave either of you yet. 

-

Taglist

You decide to bring up the idea to Olivia on one of the rare days that she actually has off. She is sitting on the couch, eyes lingering over casefiles that she promised herself she wouldn’t open but can’t seem to look away from. 

“Baby,” You say softly as you sit next to her.

She turns to look at you with a soft smile on her face. “Yes, my love.”

“Are you interested in leaving the case files behind and maybe going on an adventure with me today?” You ask before kissing the tip of her nose. “Gives you a way to actually not do anything work-related today.”

Olivia laughs at this comment before asking, “What kind of adventure were you thinking?”

“You always said that you wanted me to show you more around the woods by the cabin. I figured since things have slowed down a little bit, that we could go there. It’s cloudy today, so I should be able to explore more freely.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Olivia beams, already moving to get off the couch. “We both could use some fresh air.”

Thirty minutes later, you are walking with Olivia hand in hand along the edge of your old property. Your scent still lingers, but you can tell that other creatures have started to patrol the area now that you have moved somewhere else. You take a moment to take in the surroundings around you, and when you find nothing of major concern, you take her deeper into the woods. 

Her eyes wander everywhere, trying to take in things that she never knew existed so close to the city. For a woman who has lived in New York her whole life, she feels like she knows nothing about the area around her. At first, you do your best not to overwhelm her and follow a walking path that leads most of the property. It is a little overgrown now because you aren’t constantly out here to tame it, but you like it better this way. You always thought nature deserved the chance to be able to grow in whatever way it thought best. 

Eventually, though, you realize that Olivia is struggling to keep up with you. She isn’t used to the overgrowth in the same way that you are. You can tell that she is trying not to show it but she is getting tired. You stop in front of her, holding your arms back. 

“Jump up and let me carry you,” you tell her.

“I can walk,” she protests, but you throw her a soft glare back, which makes her lose her fight.

She jumps on your back, and you adjust her with ease. Her legs tighten around your hips and her arms around your neck. There is a second where she worries that she might be too heavy. You silence these anxious thoughts by launching yourself at the nearest tree and swinging yourself high onto one of the branches. She yelps, curling her body tighter around you. 

“The forest looks prettier up here,” you tell her as you start to navigate through the branches. “Trust me. I won't let you fall.”

You take your time making sure that she doesn’t get caught among the sharp edges that stick out. Her face is pressed hard into your back as she tries to trust the branches below you. You send a soft request across your bond for her to open up her eyes. There is a momentary pause, and then she peeks over your shoulder.

A gasp escapes Olivia’s lips as she realizes just how high up you got in a short amount of time. You are almost at the very top of the tree, and it overlooks half of the property that you own. A couple of trees over there are squirrels staring at you curiously. In another tree, a bird is feeding her babies, whose broken eggs still litter the bottom of the nest.

“I didn’t realize how…open everything is,” Olivia murmurs, her eyes not in the trees but at the sky that is starting to darken.

“Whole different world out there when there aren’t buildings closing you in,” you reply, taking a deep breath purely to force more smells to course through your system. 

It alerts you that there is a deer only a couple of miles away, and you wonder for a moment if you should go after it. You have been feeding off Olivia pretty regularly that you haven’t known the pain of hunger in a while, but it would be nice to give her a break, even though you can already hear the protests she is going to give. Before you can make a choice, you lose its scent as Olivia nuzzles against you. 

“I want to travel the world with you one day,” she murmurs, her warm breath caressing your skin. “I want to see every place you have been and hear all the stories that go with it.”

“That is going to be a lot of stories and places, my love,” you chuckle. 

“Good thing that we have forever to figure it all out,” Olivia says casually, like it is the simplest thing in the world.

But there is a knot that grows in your stomach because you don’t have forever. Olivia is a human, and soon she will grow old. Soon she will go to a place where you can’t follow unless you want to turn her, and that is the last thing that you ever want to do. 

“Olivia,” you murmur, intending to cut off her train of thought, but then stop when you hear a soft rustling below you. 

Your body tightens, and you instinctively reach into Olivia’s mind to warn her of danger. Her arms tighten around you as she buries her face into your neck. You drop down a branch in complete silence as you start to scan your surroundings. You breathe deeply when there is another rustle nearby. 

You relax for a moment when the smell is familiar, and you make your way cautiously down. You see a flutter of something in a bush as you get to the final branch. You drop down, keeping your arms wrapped around Olivia’s legs in case you needed to make a quick escape. 

“You used to be a lot quieter,” you tease the creature as it walks closer. 

“I was making sure I was found,” the creature snips back, stepping out of the bush. 

“When are you going to admit that I can hear you better than any other creature in these woods?”

“Never,” they respond, and there is a low growl that comes from the bush.

You let out a snicker of a laugh as a large wolf steps out into the small clearing. Olivia looks up at the sound, assuming that the area is clear with your casual attitude. Instead, she locks eyes with a large black wolf with bright blue eyes. She yelps, burying her face back against your neck. 

“Bek, you are scaring her. Could you please change to human form so we can talk?” you say, your hands gently running along Olivia’s legs in an attempt to calm her. 

The wolf grumbles, walking back into the bush before reappearing moments later. Now standing in front of you is a short woman with long curly hair. She is the exact opposite of her wolf form, and you still sometimes can’t believe the two co-exist in one body. 

“So this is your bonded,” Bek says, simply staring at Olivia, who finally unravels herself from you. “I didn’t think a person capable of handling your smart ass existed.”

She stays close to your side, her hand curled in yours as she tries to understand what is going on. You bring her hand up, placing a soft kiss on the back of her palm. Bek scoffs at this, rolling her eyes in disgust. 

“You are just jealous that you haven’t found your bonded yet, Bek,” you grin teasingly. 

“You know the chances of finding your bonded is like 1 in every thousand mythical creature,” Bek points out, and you can feel Olivia’s disbelief flutter for a moment over the bond. She never truly realized how rare your connection was. “Not my fault that I can’t find it.”

“Maybe you should branch out and try something other than werewolf every once in a while,” you suggest, looking over at Olivia. Your smile instantly softens the nerves on her face. “It worked out for me.”

“You disgust me,” Bek growls. 

“Aw, I love you too,” you grin. “Now I guess I should make some formal introductions. Olivia, this is Bek, my resident pain in the ass. Pain in my ass, this is the love of my life, Olivia.”

Bek sighs loudly, running a hand through her curls as she takes in your words. “I thought I missed you when you moved away, but I was lying to myself.” She turns to Olivia, giving her a small nod. “Nice to meet you, Olivia. I didn’t mean to frighten you, but I have been trying to find this bloodsucker to give some urgent news.”

Olivia nods towards Bek, acknowledging her greeting before you cut in. “What did you need to tell me so badly?”

“More bodies have been dumped on your property, but this one is fresh. I think it dropped the moment you two stepped foot into the forest,” Bek says and in an instant you are off running through the woods. She stares after you for a moment before looking at Olivia. “Well, looks like you are stuck with me taking you to the crime scene, Detective.”

“I…I could try to walk,” Olivia says, but a simple look from Bek tells her any arguing is pointless. 

“Humans are slow. We don't have time to waste,” Bek says, transforming back into her wolf form. 

She lies down, letting Olivia clamber onto her enormous body. Olivia hesitates for a moment, still not believing that this is her life now, but an impatient huff has her curling fingers into Bek’s mane. For a moment, she worries that she is gripping too tightly, but then has to stifle a yelp when Bek starts running through the woods. 

In a matter of seconds, she and Bek are by your side. Two bodies lay on your porch, their blood running down the steps. They are so fresh that Olivia can see your hand clenching and unclenching as you try to push the need for blood away. She instinctively reaches for your hand, and it is the only thing that pulls you away from your trance. 

“Call Fin,” you finally murmur. “I guess you will be working today.”

Olivia leans over to kiss you softly on the cheek. “I’m sorry, my love.”

“Not nearly as sorry as I am,” you grumble and then look towards Bek. “You should stay awhile. We can catch up.”

-~-

It is heavily debated how Olivia is going to explain that she was near the bodies when they were dropped. You and Bek overrule Olivia, and she is still pouting when they pull up to find the three of you standing close by. 

Fin gets out of the car, looking between the dead bodies and you. He pauses for a moment, and then finally his eyes narrow on you. “You were the one she saw in the woods that day, weren’t you?”

“It was me that day,” you nod slowly, waiting for the hostility that comes next. “This.. was my house.”

Fin looks between you and Olivia, but doesn’t seem nearly as pissed as you once thought. “I wish y’all had let me know sooner. Then we could have narrowed down what this psychopath really wants.” His eyes focus on you. “You got any enemies?”

Bek lets out a snicker. “Probably half the state of New York at this point.”

You narrow your eyes at her before whispering. “Flea bag.”

“Bloodsucker,” she retorts, but Olivia can see the smile behind Bek’s jab. Bek then turns to Fin. “Whoever did this is a stranger to these woods, so I bet that cuts down her list by at least half.”

“I can’t believe I missed you,” you sigh, but then admit to Fin. “The list is long even without those who live close to me.”

He doesn’t seem fazed, and you can tell by his thoughts that he is satisfied piecing another piece of the puzzle together. You don’t understand exactly what this puzzle is, but he doesn’t seem to think that you committed these murders, so you take that as a win. 

“Take Olivia back to the city,” he says calmly. “I’ll say that an anonymous tip was dropped about the location.” He turns to Bek. “I’m assuming if I need you, that Y/N will know how to get a hold of you?”

“Unfortunately,” she says, and then turns to give you a small hug that takes you off guard. She leans up to whisper in your ear. “Stay safe, bloodsucker.”

“You too, flea bag,” you say, and then watch her until she disappears safely into the woods. 

You think that Olivai will fight you about taking her home, but she willingly agrees. She is silent the whole way home and only speaks when you get back to the apartment. 

“Do you think that this person is really after you?” She asks, and the fear in her seems to suffocate all the air in the room. 

You take her in a tight hug, running your fingers gently through her hair. “It’s starting to seem that way.”

There is a shiver that runs through her body. You kiss her lightly. “I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to us.”

She nods, but you can tell that she is still very nervous. She stays curled in your arms before she looks up at you. “Would it help you to look at some of the bodies closer?”

You pause, tilting your head to the side. “I mean, it could work. If it is a vampire, we each have our own individual signature. It could help narrow things down.”

“Let me make a call,” Olivia says, pulling away to grab her phone. 

-~-

“Holy shit,” you curse the moment Olivia opens the door to the morgue. The various chemical smells of the morgue immediately hit your nose with an intensity that forces you to turn away and cover your nose and mouth with Olivia’s sweatshirt. You swear your stomach sends a threat to empty its contents if you don’t get away from the smell. 

“That stuff is strong.”

“You get used to it after a while,” Melinda replies, unfazed by your reaction. 

You turn slowly, trying to find the female voice. You stop when Melinda comes into view and slowly lower the sweatshirt from your face. The smell is still a bit intense, enough so that you grimace as if you ate something tart or bitter, but you try to push past it. A different, more pleasing scent soon reaches your nose, and you blink in recognition. You know that scent anywhere: the scent of a bond. 

Not just any bond, either. It’s one that you are acutely familiar with. 

“Oh my god, Melinda?” You say incredulously. 

Melinda looks at you as if you are trying to place where she might know you from. When the recognition doesn’t come, you supply it for her. 

“I know your wife, Jennifer,” you clarify. “She talked a lot about you.” 

Melinda’s confusion quickly turns into recognition. “You’re the infamous Y/N?” 

“Yeah,” you nod, a smile creeping across your face, and your shoulders finally relax. 

“Jen’s talked a lot about you, too,” Melinda smiles. 

She moves to walk around the autopsy table, but you meet her halfway, going for a hug rather than a handshake. When you pull away, you finally look over at Olivia, who is watching with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. 

“How do you know her wife?” Olivia asks. “How did you know she even has a wife?”

You look back at Melinda as you step away, and she nods discreetly. You slide your hands in the pocket of Olivia’s sweatshirt to hide how they fidget. 

“Jennifer was my guide after…Roberto,” you say slowly, trying not to say enough to bring back old memories. 

Olivia blinks. “She’s a vampire?”

When you nod, you realize that Olivia doesn’t realize what Melinda is either. Before you can stop it, you can see her gaze quickly flicker from you to Melinda. You can already feel the pang of hurt blooming in her chest before she gets the words out of her mouth. 

“Does that mean…”

“I’m a vampire,” Melinda says simply. “Jen and I didn’t realize our bond until I was converted. Bonds you have with Y/N… are very rare.”

That pang of hurt in Olivia’s chest swells to something larger, something deeper, to the point that you feel it through the bond. You go to reach for her hand, but she curls into herself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Olivia asks Melinda bitterly.

“Because it’s not something you just tell people,” Melinda replies, like she can’t understand why Olivia is so upset with her. “And before you assume, it has nothing to do with whether I trust you or not. The subject simply never came up, and it has nothing to do with my work.”

“How does it not have anything to do with your work?” Olivia protests, looking at all the bodies around her. 

“They are dead, Liv. There is no blood running warm through their veins,” Melinda retorts, folding her arms. “I can’t believe you think so little of my professional ability to doubt my ability to do my job.”

Olivia runs her hand through her hair anxiously before letting her bangs settle back against her forehead. “I didn’t mean that, Mel. I just…I trusted you with everything, and you…” she bites her bottom lip, and you can feel the tears that threaten to spill over. “You lied to me.”

Melinda steps forward to gently wrap her arms around Olivia. It takes a moment, but Liv finally softens into her hold. “I’m sorry for betraying you, my sweet friend. I have learned over the years how to stay safe in whatever community Jen and I have moved to. When Elliot was around, I presumed that you shared his views of magical creatures.”

Olivia remembers the awful things that Elliot used to say about magical creatures. There were horrible, cruel things that he would say about them, but Olivia had ignored them because she didn’t believe it was real. She didn’t believe in vampires or werewolves before you had entered her life. And now that you had, she realized that for years, Melinda had been listening to his cruelty and staying silent. She wraps her arms tighter around Melinda. 

“I’m sorry for all of those cruel things he used to say to you.”

Melinda tsks then. “He was a prick with no sense. You should not apologize for a man who wouldn’t bat an eye at his cruelty.”

Olivia bites back her immediate defense for her old partner because Melinda is right. She has come to realize, after months of being separated from him, that his anger and cruelty caused a lot of damage to those around him: herself and victims included. She should not be responsible for constantly picking up after him. Twelve years had been wasted in that endeavour, and it was time for her to be free of it now. 

“But that’s not why we’re here right now,” Melinda says, finally letting Olivia go. She shifts her gaze to you. “Olivia said you wanted to see the bodies?”

You nod once. “Yeah. Because of where the bodies have been turning up, Fin thinks your killer might be after me, and I’m wondering if taking a look at the bodies myself will help you guys at all.” 

Melinda points towards the table where the latest victims lie. “Be my guest.” 

You feel a little self-conscious doing such an examination under the watchful gaze of Melinda and Olivia, but you’re grateful that they even accepted your request to do this in the first place. Before you do anything else, you slowly remove the sheet that covers her bare body from the gaze of anyone who walks in, revealing the wounds of what you believe to be days of torture that she endured at the hands of this monster. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” you murmur without realizing it. 

You’re doing well at keeping a strong facade, at not letting your eyes well up with tears, but Olivia feels your grief through the bond. She knows you’re the only one here who understands firsthand the kind of pain this woman went through. 

Despite the sheet being gone, you don’t start examining her body. You start with her head first, gently turning it to the side to expose the skin of her neck and the nape of it. You have no idea what you’re looking for, but you’re hoping you’ll know it when you see it. You run your fingers along her scalp, through dark brown locks that look and feel similar to Olivia’s. You quickly push the comparison out of your head before it can fully settle. This woman happened to be the one who was still alive when you and Olivia found the bodies. You didn’t want the memory of her to taint anything about Olivia that you love. 

You lean down for no particular reason as your hand slowly drifts down her neck and over the unhealed puncture marks at the base of it. Your eyebrows furrow when you aren’t meant with the scent that’s always left behind when vampires feed. You sniff again to be sure you’re right, and you are. 

You look up at Melinda, who seems to know exactly what you are going to say. “There’s no scent.”

“What do you mean?” Olivia asks, her curiosity piqued. 

“Whenever a vampire feeds, there’s a scent that’s left behind,” Melinda explains.”It is how I knew when you first started seeing Y/N. Then, when your bond clicked, you smelled even stronger.” 

“So we’re dealing with a wannabe vampire?” Olivia questions, trying to process all this new information. “Maybe someone wanted to get turned?”

“Or a halfling, but they’re incredibly rare,” you say. “So basically someone who can’t be turned in the traditional sense. But why are they targeting me? I don’t get it.” 

“Is there anyone you’ve pissed off within the last several decades?” Melinda asks cocking an eyebrow at you.  

You let out a chuckle at her question. “You sound like Bek, but honestly, if I have, they’re probably dead by now, or no one important enough for me to remember. I mainly keep to myself. Or I did, until you guys started showing up.” 

Something that I don't regret in the slightest. Finding you is the best thing that has happened to me. You say into the bond to soothe anything Liv may worry about. Her cheeks turn pink, and she tries to look away from you subtly. 

“Well, whoever this is has an extreme grudge against you,” Melinda murmurs, digging through her files as you lift the victim’s shoulder. Underneath, you find a faint marking so small that you almost miss it. “They are leaving you a message.”

She places the photos on a small stand next to you. Each photo is another faint mark that you realize is words. Words that are in an ancient vampire script. You haven’t used it in years, but the teaching is still burned into your brain.

“I couldn’t be sure until these showed up,” Melinda murmurs, looking at all three of them together. “You reading what I am?”

I’m coming for her. 

You don’t know who the message is referring to. Is it you? Is it Olivia? You can’t tell, and you have a sinking feeling that everything is about to get a lot worse. 

-

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