Carpe Diem

I realized this blog was created for the soul purpose of getting over the negativity in my life, but instead it turned into this dark place where I pour out the thoughts I'm afraid to say myself. I need to break these viscous cycles i create for myself, so I'm breaking my tie with you Tumblr. Goodbye.

I fucking hate that I constantly need some type of affection or reassurance to feel that I'm good to even exist on this planet. I dont want to try this hard anymore, you know? Why can't I just feel good enough being me? Whoever that is

Why do I miss you

Probably not because you took all the feelings I wish you had for me and poured them into a new boy that broke your heart. I was doing so well, too. I was finally back do the old me. I didn't think about you almost at all anymore just because I knew you were happy. Buy now I can feel your pain from hundreds of miles away and I'm all fucked up over it. I almost hate myself for not being able to be happy unless you're happy. All I wanted then was for you to be happy and I lost myself trying to do only that. It turned me into such an ugly person who was extremely dependent on you. Now that I'm over that.....how do you still affect me so powerfully? Why do I still feel so endlessly for you? I'm so fucked up

Your ghost haunts me to this day. I wake up feeling nothing but the soft touch of your feet intertwined with mine somewhere in between the sheets. Do you even remember me?

Why do I still love you?

I just want to smile like I used to

I wish I didn't wake up every day thinking about how empty my life is without you. How does one continue through life when their entire world just vanishes?

Everything reminds me of you. I wish we could just work this out. I'll go anywhere with you.

Even when we were together We felt so far apart Even after you're gone You're still breaking my heart

A thousand memories Haunt my screen I wish this was Just a dream

You're like a ghost That never left your skin You haunt me till it hurts I'm alive but dead within The feeling of this pain Is refreshing nonetheless I smile once again With no one to impress Lets leave the earth behind Float away into the clouds My heart gave all it could But nothing made you proud Though your spirit lingers still I can't feel your warm embrace There's nothing in this world That will ever take your place The pieces lie in dark Feeling only shame I will never say the words But I'll love you all the same