kip is a ghost sometimes

things DO get better. isn't that just buck wild. was adolescence the fucking problem all along.

stop liking my old BDD posts im normal now

presently realizing that being wrestling a food addiction for 6 years then abruptly watching it disappear completely... is bad. like i did not realize the amount of shit that control was holding in. now everyone in my life is getting a front-row seat as i turn into an agoraphobic scribophile who cannot sleep properly, or hold a job, or use words that start with E. this is worse than my "an ancient goddess is talking to me" era

can't wait to see what the next mutation of my freakish need for control is. maybe i'll become a dominatrix. i don't know. i am not running this show anymore

me when i realize in the middle of making a sandwich that i recovered from my eating disorder by developing a new mechanism of total escapist control and this is actually going to be an endless cycle until i get my ass in therapy and i have not magically cured myself like i patted myself on the back for doing

i haven't been this obsessed with anything since i was starving myself holy fuck. i was writing on my phone during my own washing machine installation. installers said "hey there's a problem with your hookup" & i felt like saying shut up i am possessed and i don't care if my washing machine works. freak

went off in my notes app about how my novel is swallowing me and read it over and damn i'm looking right at a maladaptive daydreaming diagnosis

what do i do if everything i want to be conflicts with the fundamental core of my being

you know it was a good night out when you come home at 3am with chest pain and a DM from some guy you met at a gas station who wants you on his album

crossing some LINES in this whip/WIP tonight (driving several friends to a downtown nightclub and writing some very off-the-wall graphic content)

faints into your arms. if u even care

i'm the type to make up a religion and then start believing in it, and i know that because it's happened twice.