I don’t post here anymore, but I have some stuff that I’d feel good about letting out. So this’ll just be a personal thing for myself, it would be great if anyone could relate to what I’m going through, here goes!

I met someone online 1 and a half years ago, over the course of 2018 we became closer and closer, our talks becoming more frequent, I really enjoyed getting to know this person and he helped me discover a lot about myself. Our relationship has been based heavily on the fact that we listen to eachother. Afterall, he’s criticized me for things but I’ve always tried to accept his perspective and learn what I can, since I look up to him as sort of a mentor figure.

Then something happened, this Fall I found myself forming some feelings. I confessed to him and he accepted with open arms, mind you he admitted he didn’t return the same level of affection. Luckily I wasn’t interested in starting a relationship, but despite these facts, the attraction only grew for the months to come.

In 2019 these feelings have evolved into something ugly, jealousy, envy, greed. What’s worst is that no matter how rational I am about the situation, the emotional side of my brain is so powerful that it’s like the rational side can barely hold up a fight. What’s worse is I get jealous when he spends time with his other friends instead of me. THIS IS WRONG. I KNOW ITS WRONG. YET I STILL ACT ON IT. And it pisses me off cause I’ve expressed it (calmly and composed) to him but I can’t help but feel like it drives me further from him or makes me less desirable to be around.