The apothecary diaries #1 enthusiast

gege, please, he needs kisses, it's life or death

HOWEVER, the manga cuts off at this point, keeping strictly in Maomao’s perspective, and cuts straight to when she regains consciousness in bed after being treated for her injuries. The manga doesn’t show how she got back. They SAY how, and she briefly mentions, “wow that must have been embarrassing; he carried me back,” but we don’t SEE it. We don’t get to feel the true impact of what that means. But the anime DID show us, and holy shit.

They SHOW us how taboo this is. They show Jinshi carrying her out of the temple, after a public attempt on his life.

They show us the shock and horror on Lakan’s face as Jinshi silently walks past him. Horror at the state his daughter is in, horror at another man—a man with a status he could never dare to question—staking such a public claim over his child, horror at the fact that he could never have this level of closeness with her (as Maomao would never allow it).

Everyone hides their gazes, as is their custom when someone of his rank passes by, but the air is different this time. Jinshi is furious, he’s terrified, and he could not give a single shit about how inappropriate it looks to these palace officials.

The shot that slowly follows her trail of blood—even though it’s a small detail—that in particular leaves such a intense impression of how poignant this is for him.

Maomao talked about this scene in the manga like it was nothing to her. She did what she set out to do: she saved the person who was targeted by the attack. She didn’t even know the target would be someone she knew. But she has no idea that this happened afterwards as a result of her bravery. To her, it likely wasn’t even an act of bravery at all. She acted on impulse; she did what she knew was the right thing to do.

and hua cheng ascends, because no matter if xie lian is cast down or not, he will always search for him, always try to get closer.

so instead of renouncing his new-found godhood like he does in the books, he finds xie lian in the heavens, and although he is bloodied, missing an eye, shaking with exertion, he throws himself down at xie lian's feet and swears his eternal devotion.

only that this hua cheng isn't suave, isn't rich or powerful or feared, he's just a little godling, clinging to xie lian like he is the meaning of life itself (he is), awestruck and lovestruck both, and xie lian is bemused, because there is no way he deserves this kind of attention, but when hua cheng will not be deterred, xie lian lets him tag along.

and suddenly feng xin and mu qing have to deal with this fledgling god following their prince, picking fights with everyone who dares to say a bad word about xie lian, offering every statue of the flower-crowned martial god they come across blossoms he has picked himself, bringing xie lian food and gifts and the very light in his eyes whenever xie lian looks at him.

and xie lian, despite himself, is charmed by hua cheng, who blushes at the slightest compliment and yet wants to fight the world on his behalf. and then, is charmed by his quick wit, once hua cheng has become confident enough to offer it, his steadfastness, his willingness to go above and beyond if the situation requires it.

(and then, although he shouldn't be, although he won't admit it, by his long-fingered hands, and his plush lips and the strong, elegant lines of his body)

heaven fills with whispers of the flower-crowned martial god's little attack dog, his kept boy, and while blushing, xie lian tells hua cheng not to take them seriously, since the stories aren't true after all. not knowing that the flush on hua cheng's cheeks only stems from how much he wishes they were.

and then, one night, when the rumours have died down a little, because all gossip loses its lustre over time, xie lian asks hua cheng who he used to be in his life before all this. He has asked it a hundred times before, but hua cheng always declined to answer, stating that it wasn't important, the only thing that matters if who he is now.

but this time, hua cheng looks down at his hands for a moment, before he meets xie lian's eyes again, and his gaze is so soft, so bright, so warm, it takes xie lian's breath away.

"i was your most devoted believer", hua cheng says, and without knowing why, xie lian knows that it is true.

his master believed in him, his parents did, a million people he never met did too, but no one ever offered up their trust, their faith like the boy before him. fully. eternally.

"and what are you now?", he asks, still breathless, both anticipating and dreading the answer, not knowing which one he is hoping for. "now that you have met me? have seen how i really am?"

hua cheng smiles, eye crinkling at the corners, and answers without a moment of hesitation,

"that is what i will always be."

and cultivation be damned, the only thing xie lian can do is kiss him, hands cradling his beautiful face, suck the breath from his mouth and the smile from his lips, and whisper,