(Just started college and am adjusting to the classes. I will continue working on current requests and other works, just at a slower pace)
Will Write: fluff, nsfw, smut, character x reader/other character, angst.
Will Not Write: Romanticized abuse, Rape, CNC, Anything beyond implied SA, pregnancy, kids, suicide.
This page will get updates as new fics, requests, and my own personal edits are made. And as always, comment on my fanfics; feedback, negative and positive, help me and my writing grow best. Interactions beyond likes will also promote me to write more.
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Friendly neighborhood anon here. I saw your post about Minecraft with a controller. Have you tried MrCrayfish’s Controllable mod? https://www.curseforge.com/minecraft/mc-mods/controllable
Tysm, I'll look into that as soon as I can and see how it turns out!
I enjoy gaming, primarily just Minecraft and overwatch. A few months ago, I was gifted an old Pc, still set to Windows 10, which has allowed me to move from my old PS4 (it's held together by dust and prayers). But here's my issue: I was born without a right hand, which has made gaming with a keyboard pretty much impossible for me.
So here is where I need help, I want to be able to play Java Minecraft, because Mods and It's what my brother plays. I am yet to find anything that has successfully allowed me to play Minecraft on the Pc using my controller. It is a Ps4 wireless, I connect it to my Pc via a cord because my Pc does not have Bluetooth.
I want to be able to use the keyboard and controller at the same time (as in the system automatically swaps between the two while gaming based on which I'm using).
Still post apocalypse, and Chicago initially was a test city. However, wars broke out across America (and maybe other nations), most of the test cities were entirely ignored with the assumption that they would just destroy themselves without the support of the gov and experiment overseers.
Eventually nothing is left beyond a few of those test cities, the outside world is void of human life.
So in this world, Chicago eventually decides on having small groups to go out and explore the abandoned world. Several Dauntless for protection, a few Erudite for research, an Amity or two to help with foraging and food. A new job or Erudites also exists for history, research of found artifacts, and discovery of lost science (like astrology, quantum physics, etc based on research books they find), and creating technology to continue studying the learned sciences.
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I had a recent issue and wanted to bring awareness to it. Someone came to me, communicated through comments on my post and one direct message stating they have accidentally reported my account, because someone using my information scammed them and they reported me instead of them. I was then told to contact a discord support called oliverrgrits and comply otherwise my account will be terminated.
I contacted Tumblr support through their website and was informed that this is a common scam taric and all reports are viewed by a person, meaning they can see any fake/accident reports and know its not real.
Below I'll have pictures of what the user claimed. I will also be reporting this person. I make this post to spread awareness, not target. So don't spam hate to this user, but do report if they try to do the same to you.
Apparently there's been an influx of people coming to Ao3 due to its sudden surge in popularity. So one: Welcome to fandoms and fanfics, we are happy to have most of you here.
I have seen people stating issues in how writers are being treated and tagging issues. So let me remind some simple etiquette and basic respect that is expected here in fanfic and fandom culture. These are primarily focused on Ao3, but similar rules do apply to Wattpad and Tumblr.
Tumblr: Short stories, oneshots, wips, headcannons, shitposts
Wattpad: Fun stories, simple writing, new to writing, experienced writing, longer stories, collection of short stories.
Ao3: Detailed stories, long stories, multi book/series stories, niche content.
Tagging: Tags on a fanfic are used to describe what the story is and what's in it, they're like a food menu. The cheeseburger has the cheeseburger tag + cheese + burger + bun + onion... you get my point. So when searching for a fic, read the tags before opening, because if its tagged expect to see it. Also, when posting your fics, do not use tags that are inaccurate to your story. You wouldn't want to order chocolate ice cream and get a peanut butter milkshake, same thing goes for the tags you put on your fic.
Kudos: PLEASE, if you read it, leave a Kudos, we don't stalk, we can't track, no one is going to judge what you're interacting with unless you post it.
Comments: Did you like the fic? PLEASE PLEASE say something, motivation has been a MASSIVE struggle for writers in this current time, and comments (and reblogs for Tumblr), are one of the few things to motivate us. Getting a like/kudos is like a notification that someone saw our work, but a comment shows people are actually interested in what we created and want to see more. Writing is not about popularity, but having positive interactions keeps us writing and not burning out.
Comments pt2: Don't leave hate, don't leave critiques. A story is written as a passion project, we do it for the love of writing. Our stories are something we create because we enjoy it and wish to share it so other people can also enjoy it. You don't like the ship? Scroll. Writing was messy? Scroll!! Didn't like the story? Scroll! Cringe? THATS THE POINT OF FANFICTION IS BEING YOURSELF WITHOUT A FILTER!!!
I have noticed and issue bubbling up in The Amazing Digital Circus community that needs to be called out.
Later this year, the final episode for TADC will release in theaters for two weeks. This is a major win for the indie community, because for years now big companies have dominated and controlled theaters. So by getting an episode finale as a theatrical release for an indie studio, is pushing a moment to give indie studios more opportunity, voice, and acknowledgement.
Instead of being excited, I keep watching people repeat the same thing: "its unfair" and "spoilers."
Talk about BS. When Iron Lung was coming out, less than 10 theaters in the US planned to have it and due to the community emailing theaters to request showings, it was seen across the globe. And even then, you'll still get to see it after (for free btw). Glitch is still an indie studio, the fact that even 1 theater is allowing a showing of their episode is huge.
Spoilers. This is a community issue and should not be taken out on Glitche, or TADC team. Spoilers have ALWAYS been an issue (Avatar, Marvel, DC, etc). All forms of game and TV media comes with spoilers and that is just life. You will get equal amount of spoilers if the ep was posted to YouTube like normal. If you don't want spoilers, make a post requesting people ensure there are warnings or to hold off posting until the YouTube release. Also, just ignore TADC content of your feed a couple days before the release and it'll be gone.
"But Ghost, I want to be able to see older content." Look at that content before the release, or accept that by looking at TADC content is an indirect consent to seeing spoilers.
Are there any good whimsy, sci-fi, and/or monster mods for Sims 4 that are compatible with the base game? I don't own any of the packs yet cause its expensive, but I really want to be able to create fun characters. (D&D, OCs, whimsical, and spooky stuff)
found this on twitter and yeah — while a part of me is convinced this one’s a bot, unfortunately there are people who actually leave this kind of comment on writers’ works — this and the ai witch hunt are the exact reasons more and more writers stop sharing their works. the level of entitlement to be walking inside someone’s house, after they were kind enough to let you in, and then starting to criticize the way they decorate their rooms when you can just quietly leave if you don’t have anything nice to say.
fanfics are something writers do for themselves. we don’t get paid for it. we write whatever makes us happy for our own enjoyment. if you dislike it, that’s cool. quietly exit the fic and find something else to read. or better yet, write it yourself.
you as a reader are not our customer. we don’t write for you. we don’t write to please you. we just give you the privilege of reading our works for free. whether or not you’ll read it, whether or not you’ll like it, is not our business. but you are rude and entitled to be criticizing fanfics like it’s something you paid for and not a gift people were kind enough to give. if we want constructive criticism, we will ask for one. if we didn’t ask, stay quiet if you don’t have anything nice to say.
not to mention, more often than not, your constructive criticism is never really a constructive criticism but what you personally want to read. keep this up and eventually there will be no fanfics for you to read because no one wants to share their works for free anymore if people will just be this rude and entitled.
BE KIND AND RESPECTFUL TO FANFIC WRITERS AND FAN ARTISTS OR BE QUIET.
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You know what I think could be a cool horror plot for Starwars
So as we know Corscuant is made of thousands of layers, going from wealthy at the top, down to abandoned and downright horror show to the bottom. And at the lowest level, where the planet itself is, presumably support structures that hold up all the layers. And those structures likely aren't uniform, and probably haven't received any maintenance in hundreds to maybe thousands of years.
What if those support structures started collapsing, making the thousands of levels it supported collapse with it. Layers that haven't seen light in ages. It's like a sinkhole that opens a path between Hell itself and the world above. So now, either a crew must be sent down to repair the supports, or evacuation of Corscuant must be abandoned as the city planet continues collapsing.
Have you ever been told to, “just get pregnant,” to treat symptoms of your chronic illness, temporarily? Well, welcome to endometriosis, this condition occurs in one out of 10 people assigned female at birth worldwide, and in rare cases also occurs to people assigned male at birth. Endometriosis is a chronic inflammatory disease where tissue similar to uterine tissue, called endometrial tissue, grows outside the uterus. This condition affects both one's menstrual cycle, and daily life, it can also make getting pregnant significantly harder. Typically endometriosis occurs in only the pelvic cavity, there have been many cases of the tissue growing in places like the abdomen and chest. The tissue growth causes inflammation and the growth of scar tissue in the affected areas. As of today, the causes of this disease and ways to cure the disease is unknown. For now there is simply treatments for the symptoms. And when it comes to those assigned male at birth, due to the rarity of getting the condition, how it occurs in men, affects men, and the symptoms that show beyond pain, is mostly unknown.
Currently there are no known preventatives for this disease, and this is partially because the exact causes of endometriosis are still unknown. However, while endometriosis may not be preventable, there are ways to be able to possibly catch it early through knowing the risk factors and symptoms. For people assigned male at birth, it is theorized that having higher estrogen levels, caused by hormone therapy, or health conditions like obesity, can increase your risk of possibly developing endometriosis. Those assigned female at birth who are at greater risk of developing endometriosis would be those with a family history of endometriosis, starting one's first period while eleven or younger, having menstrual cycles shorter than twenty-seven days or heavy cycles longer than twenty-seven days. These risks are slightly lower if a person has been pregnant, breastfeeds, or started their period late. Symptoms to then watch out for is pelvic pain, pelvic pain that is worse right before and during periods, abdominal or back pain during or between periods, heavy bleeding during periods, or light bleeding, known as spotting, between periods, there’s also pain during sex, pain while trying to go to the bathroom, infertility, and stomach problems diarrhea, constipation, or bloating. It is important to note that infertility can sometimes be the only symptom present, and that the severity of symptoms, like pain, does not always correlate with severity of the condition.
So how does endometriosis effect the body? Previously it had been believed that endometriosis only occurred affected the reproductive system and abdominopelvic region of the body. However due to a test done in August of 2025 by Penn State University, it is now known that endometriosis affects the automatic nervous system, The study had introduced both women with endometriosis, and women without endometriosis to stressors. The results had shown that when introduced to stress, women with endometriosis would have a lower increase in blood pressure compared to women without endometriosis, which suggests a reduced neurological response to stress. Commonly endometrial tissue grows around the uterus, and this can cause issues like pain during sex. Endometriosis is also the leading cause of infertility, the cause is believed to be caused by the endometrial tissue distorting the anatomy of the pelvis, altered immune system functions, altered egg quality, impairment of the egg's ability to attach to the uterine wall, damage to the uterus and ovaries, or possibly alter the hormonal environment of the eggs. Should endometrial tissue begin growing near the intestines, rectum, or bladder, it can cause blood in the urine or poop, and intense pain while trying to go to the bathroom. While less common, the tissue can even grow in other places like the chest. This can cause shortness of breath, and chest pain, which can make breathing difficult. The buildup of endometrial tissue in any part of the body can lead to inflammation of the area, scarring, painful cysts, and even a buildup of fibrous tissues between reproductive organs, making them stick together and become disfigured.
As of 2023 in Australia, women were being told to just get pregnant to treat their endometriosis. However there are two main issues with this recommended treatment, endometriosis causes infertility, and the treatment is absolute pseudoscience. Endometriosis greatly lacks research and funding for research. To put it into perspective, endometriosis has less research and funding compared to depression, Crohn's disease, anxiety, male infertility, and gender related autoimmune diseases. The economic impact of endometriosis is not fully understood yet, however based on a collection of studies done between 2000 to 2022 and it was seen that the range for direct medical costs was 1,459 US dollars to 20,239 US dollars per patient, per year. For indirect costs, the range was seen to be 4,572 US dollars to 14,079 US dollars, (National Library of Medicine, 2022). This shows that cost for getting medical care for endometriosis can be very demanding on patients. When paired with how the condition affects daily life, such as causing a loss of productivity, to even limiting one's ability to work, which leads to a decrease income, the economic cost of money lost from this is over several thousand per country. The side effects of endometriosis has also been known to negatively affect the quality of life in those who have it, from negatively affecting romantic relationships and even preventing them due to side effects like infertility and pain during sex, negatively influencing social relationships as well. Dealing with symptoms and isolation from social life, can lead to mental health struggles. However getting care for those mental health struggles can also become costly, causing limiting access to care.
Endometriosis can develop in any person born with a uterus, which of course includes cisgender women, and any person assigned female at birth that falls under the gender queer umbrella. However, while rare, with only 16 cases recorded by 2018, people assigned male at birth, even cisgender men, can develop endometriosis. Based on the data collected from the few known cases, it was theorized that having higher estrogen levels can cause a person assigned male at birth puts them at risk to develop endometriosis. The heightened levels of estrogen can be caused by liver cirrhosis, estrogen therapy, and obesity. However, while the heightened estrogen does create a risk of a person assigned male at birth to develop endometriosis, just like people assigned female at birth, the cause of endometriosis itself is unknown. Endometriosis is a condition seen across the globe, and does not discriminate by race. Historically it was believed that endometriosis mostly only occurred in Caucasian women, however later studies in the early 2000s showed this belief to be very inaccurate. It was reported that African-indigenous women had lower rates of endometriosis diagnoses compared to African American women, which implies that race might not be a factor, but rather awareness about the disease and accessibility to get diagnosed that causes different rates between ethnicities. There is also the cases of transgender men with endometriosis, as there are many barriers they face in getting diagnosed. Gender affirming care can influence symptoms of endometriosis in trans men, which can cause typical symptoms to be masked and even altered, there’s also a lack of studies on how gender affirming care can really affect symptoms of endometriosis. With endometriosis being viewed as an only a cisgender women disease, and lack of knowledge about gender affirming care's effect on symptoms of the disease, causes most healthcare providers to completely overlook symptoms of endometriosis that the trans man could be showing.
On the surface endometriosis may appear as just a simple chronic inflammatory disease, however upon taking a deeper look it is clear that this disease is just as complex as it is a mystery. This disease can be found affecting every group of people, yet lack of research makes it hard for almost every group, especially those assigned male at birth, and trans men, at getting diagnosed. With the wide range of the symptoms that a person can show, and lack of knowledge, awareness, and research, it’s hard to learn if a person even possibly has endometriosis. This delay of diagnosis can then lead to an increase of medical expenses from trying to understand the cause of one's symptoms, and having to treat endometriosis after it reached a more severe condition. As research continues on endometriosis, hopefully awareness will also spread, allowing for more people to seek out the care they need, and invite more research on how endometriosis shows itself across the diverse groups who suffer from it. With that research, perhaps better ways diagnosing and finding the causes of endometriosis.
Resources:
World Health Organization- Endometriosis
This article focuses on what endometriosis is, including treatment and diagnosis, the article goes over how this affects women in daily life. I chose this article as it provides me knowledge of the condition, both of what endometriosis is, to its effect on a woman's life. The article gives me reference on where to also focus me research to learn and write about the condition. What makes WHO credible is their focus on: openness and honesty by being transparent on what they do and don't know; competence by ensuring its expertise in a health issue and information is accurate and consistent with other trusted organizations and experts.
World Health Organization. (2023). Endometriosis. World Health Organization; World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/endometriosis
World Health Organization. (2024). Credible and trusted. Www.who.int. https://www.who.int/about/communications/credible-and-trusted
PennSate Social Science Research Institute- Endometriosis affects more systems in women's bodies than previously understood.
This article goes over a study between women with endometriosis and women without endometriosis, where they found women with endometriosis had a lower increase of blood pressure, compared to women without, when put under stress. I chose this article because it brings light to the fact that endometriosis doesn't exclusively affect the reproductive system. The article also briefly mentions how it can take years for a diagnosis on endometriosis, which plays a heavy part in how it affects women with the condition and societal impact. Lastly, this article was written in 2025, showing that research on endometriosis and how it affects women is still ongoing and also shows how little is actually understood. Penn State University conducts research studies according to FDA regulations and international Conference of Harmonization guidelines, (PennState Social Science Research Institute, n.d.).
Endometriosis affects more systems in women’s bodies than previously understood | Social Science Research Institute. (2025, August 22). Psu.edu. https://ssri.psu.edu/news/endometriosis-affects-more-systems-womens-bodies-previously-understood
Overview | Social Science Research Institute. (2026). Psu.edu. https://ssri.psu.edu/clinicalresearchguidebook/overview
National Library of Medicine- Endometriosis in transgender men: recognizing the missing pieces
This article talks on the experience of trans men when it comes to endometriosis due to a lack of understanding of how gender affirming care for transmen can affect endometriosis. This article allows me to highlight on diversity of endometriosis and the how the lack of research on this disease can effect those within diverse groups. The National Library of Medicine is a credible source because they are willing to admit when the information on their website may be inaccurate due to issues like lack of government funding, they list the references used to create their articles and are cited by many sources that they even list on their articles.
Alexandre Vallée, Anis Féki, & Ayoubi, J.-M. (2023). Endometriosis in transgender men: recognizing the missing pieces. Frontiers in Medicine, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fmed.2023.1266131
World Health Organization. (2023). Endometriosis. World Health Organization; World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/endometriosis
Academic researchers see a boost in interest — and innovation — around endometriosis. (2025). AAMC. https://www.aamc.org/news/academic-researchers-see-boost-interest-and-innovation-around-endometriosis
MedlinePlus. (2025, March 27). Endometriosis [Review of Endometriosis ]. MedlinePlus. https://medlineplus.gov/endometriosis.html
Endometriosis affects more systems in women’s bodies than previously understood | Social Science Research Institute. (2025, August 22). Psu.edu. https://ssri.psu.edu/news/endometriosis-affects-more-systems-womens-bodies-previously-understood
John Hopkins Medicine. (2025). Endometriosis. John Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/endometriosis
Endometriosis: Does It Cause Infertility? (2024). Reproductivefacts.org. https://integration.reproductivefacts.org/news-and-publications/fact-sheets-and-infographics/endometriosis-does-it-cause-infertility/
Davey, M., & editor, M. D. M. (2023, December 12). “Outdated pseudoscience”: women still being told having a baby will cure endometriosis, Australian study finds. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2023/dec/12/endometriosis-diagnosis-study-australia-women-outdated-advice-
Darbà, J., & Marsà, A. (2022). Economic Implications of Endometriosis: A Review. PharmacoEconomics, 40(12), 1143–1158. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40273-022-01211-0
Viganò, P., Maíra Casalechi, & Marie-Madeleine Dolmans. (2023). European union underinvestment in endometriosis research. Journal of Endometriosis and Uterine Disorders, 5, 100058–100058. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jeud.2023.100058
Bougie, O., Nwosu, I., & Warshafsky, C. (2022). Revisiting the Impact of Race/ethnicity in Endometriosis. Reproduction and Fertility, 3(2). https://doi.org/10.1530/raf-21-0106
Rei, C., Williams, T., & Feloney, M. (2018). Endometriosis in a Man as a Rare Source of Abdominal Pain: A Case Report and Review of the Literature. Case Reports in Obstetrics and Gynecology, 2018, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1155/2018/2083121
Anyone else really annoyed with Jordan Bennet in the series The Beauty? So far for these first 4 episodes, it feels like there's no effort in her character beyond maybe a motivator for Cooper.
Is self conscious about her beauty to the point of getting a boob implant, craves luxury, insists of her and Cooper's relationship being only friends with benefits while they actively act very emotionally intimate with one another. I'm yet to see Jordan in a fight. All her scenes are just was of showing Cooper's yearning for her, her hooking up with men, and a few tid bits of FBI work. There is no effort! Like oh, there's a boundary of just being friends, and yet the show has Cooper trying to push that boundary and her yearning back feels somewhat out of place. It feels like Cooper vs The Friend Zone.
She has been the only female character in this show with more than 5 minutes of screen time! It is just sex sex sex.
And maybe I'm just too asexual for this show, but the writing for this show is getting on my nerves. The idea of the story seems good, I want to know what happens. I just hope the following episodes have better writing.
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part 1 - series masterlist - masterlist
pairing: julian dillinger x reader
in which: when julian dillinger crashes encom's new game launch, you begin to wonder if this whole "arrangement" between both of you, is just a grand scheme for him to get what he really wants: the permanence code.
cw: angst, slight fluff ig?, reader being really into julian (in the start), bickering and arguing, connected to the canon story, making out/kissing, julian being manipulative, julian and reader get emotional...
word count: 2.8k
tags (comment to be added :D): @materialgirl-97, @evesdust, @chewbeca123
the crowd is buzzing, thousands of devoted encom fans waiting in anticipation for the launch event to start. you stand in the sidelines, ajay and erin mumbling next to you as they call and text eve, over and over again.
“i don’t she’s coming,” you finally say, checking your wristwatch. “there’s only three minutes until we have to start.”
ajay sighs and mutters something under his breath. “whatever— fine, we’ll just… launch the new game without our ceo.” he says sarcastically.
“maybe they don’t have signal in alaska?” erin offers.
“it’s alaska, not mars,” ajay deadpans.
spotlight hits the stage as the announcer comes out, "space paranoids fans, are you ready?" multiple loud cheers and whoops come from the audience, "put your hands together for encom's cto, anjay singh! get loud!"
"showtime," you muse with a soft chuckle.
"it's cowboy time," ajay says as he puts a horrendous cowboy hat on his head.
erin immediately pulls it off his head with a sigh, "oh, no."
ajay shoots her a glare before he runs onto stage with a huge smile. "hello! thank you!" he waves at the audience, "what's up, paranoiacon?"
"he's a natural," you whisper to erin, "the crowd loves him."
"don't say that to his face, it'll get to his head," she shakes her head with a chuckle.
ajay's voice booms, the big glossy screens behind him showing images of encom's games over the years and he crowd roars. you watch from the wings, moments like these remind you of why you do it all, why you work for this company, and what everyone creates-
it's perfect, ajay, the team, every practiced line and video sequence falling into place. now, it was time for the big reveal-
"now, encom is proud to debut the latest version of space paranoids: panic city with the world!"
but instead of cheers, the crowd murmurs, a ripple of confusion washing over them. ajay's smile falters slightly as he watches people whisper and glance at each other. finally, he turns around and his jaw slacks.
your head turns with him, the glossy screen behind him flicker briefly, before lines of white cascade down the main display, red 'error' symbols appearing.
you don't read the full flood, but your eyes catch the final line before it goes black:
init_payload("ARES") ; system.shutdown(*)
the security is calling everyone backstage, ajay shouts a quick "technical difficulties, everyone!" in a forced cheery tone before he runs back.
you're staring in stunned silence and are only snapped out when you feel erin grab your arm and drag you back with the rest of the team.
there was only one person who could pull this off and— you'd left his office only five hours ago.
the office was in shambles, everyone trying to figure out this security breach and fix the code in order to be able to push for a new launch date.
"no- i swear, i double checked the entry code-" someone yells.
"you should've triple checked-"
"i think they got our computers too, i can't fucking open task manager-"
ajay can't stop threading his fingers through his hair, and erin was making several different calls next to him.
"what's going on?" you fake confused distress.
you get up from your desk after staring at your blank screen for the past five minutes, in attempts to figure out what you might've said that caused him to do— all this.
it was a game launch. it couldn't have possibly been because of the... permanence code, right?
"dillinger," ajay groans. "just called him, he's playing stupid- but i know he's acting like this because he thinks-" he drags a hand over his face.
"he thinks? he thinks what?"
"didn't you hear? jesus, erin found the code-" your eyes widen in shock, ajay begins to ramble on and you tune it out.
she found the permanence code?
but all you ever told him was that- that erin was nearly there, not that—
julian's a smart guy, he went to harvard for god's sake. he was a genius even without a fancy college to show for it. he would've figured it out, pieced it together, and-
and hacked the encom systems for her user file.
your stomach drops, but you try to mask it as ajay goes on and on.
"-but i just don't understand why he would hack our systems, the idiot-"
"-where's eve?" you interrupt.
ajay straightens up, glancing at his phone. "she's on her way from alaska, we'll get the code in our hands before dillinger, that's for sure."
you feel sick.
'i'll do anything for it'
his voice rings in your skull— shit.
what if julian does something to her?
he wouldn't hurt eve- he wouldn't.
but if he would crash a launch- just to get a file he isn't sure even exists- what would he not do?
you fake getting a phone call, coughing, "shit- um- phone call from- uh- one of our- shareholders- gonna get it." you don't even wait for a response as you flee the scene.
"hey, is your computer down too?" someone asks you.
"not on the coding team-" you manage to mumble before you shove past them, focused on the door.
you step out into the dark hallway, inhaling the cold air slowly. your throat feels tight and your legs feel like water. "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you groan.
you pull your phone out of your pocket with shaky hands and click his number.
he picks up after five rings.
"is it call-julian-dillinger day at the office today?" he laughs slightly, "first, ajay, now, you... should i expect a call from- what's-her-name- ajay's assistant?"
"erin?" you grit out in annoyance, the nerve this guy has.
"there it is, that tone," julian chuckles. "should i expect a call from erin now?"
"don't be an asshole, julian."
"having a bad day, sweetheart?" he asks, tone patronizing, it makes your eyes roll. "maybe i should get a room at that hotel you like... order us a bottle of wine-"
"what the hell were you even thinking?" you interrupt, "i mean, you're whole quest on getting the code is a bit ridiculous-"
julian sighs loudly, it sounded like he tossed his phone on to the couch, the clinking of different glasses told you that he was pouring himself a drink. "you sound like my mother."
"well maybe, you should start listening to mommy-"
"don't go there," he mutters stiffly. "look, all i did was what i needed to do-"
"you must be so proud," you snark sarcastically.
"shouldn't i be?" he says it like the sun rises for him.
"of what?" you demand, "of doing something so idiotic that-"
"idiotic?" julian echoes coldly.
"stupid."
"stupid?" you can hear a smile on his face, and you grind your teeth.
"are you trying not to laugh?"
"it's cute when you're mad about things you can't possibly understand," julian says simply.
"enlighten me-"
"unfortunately," he takes a deep breath, "i'm very busy at the moment, sweetheart. ceo duties, y'know? pain in the ass... come over tomorrow." he says it like the decision's already been made.
"you're insane if you think i'll waltz over to you after the feat you pulled-"
"you wanted an explanation, and i can clearly tell that no one in that headquarters of yours is telling you shit, so come over."
ouch. touched a nerve, didn't he?
"go fuck yourself, julian," you respond, hanging up on him.
but deep down, you know your schedule for tomorrow. it's already been arranged. he arranged it.
can the limo be any more ridiculous?
does it have to be this long? is he compensating for something?
it feels like you're being chauffeured to your execution, except you half expect to yell at the executioner and then make out with him.
you can't even believe you're doing this.
especially when eve's been missing since last night? you're insane, you really are. you tell yourself it every time you go and see him.
you list every reason this could get you fired-
company treason? canoodling with the enemy? accidentally pillow-talking classified company information?
yup, you're totally fucked. they should revoke your security clearance purely for how fast you fold when he looks at you.
this time, he's waiting next to the road and helps you out of the car. his eyes tell you that he expected you, because julian dillinger is always right. and you proved this to be right yet again today.
you shouldn't feel butterflies when his hand intertwines with yours. but despite yourself, your pulse jumps. it's humiliating, people are missing, the launch is in ruins, and your career is dangling on a thread... but sure, let's get flustered over some man's stupidly warm hand.
julian seems to be in a good mood. either he's genuinely cheerful, or he's smiling through the stress that makes most people cry. you tune him out as he goes on about something because did he do something to his hair? he has no reason to look this-
right. back to the point. c'mon, be professional.
you can do that. probably. oh god.
when your in his office again after trying not to lose your mind during the whole walk there, he leans against his wall, crowding you.
"now, i know what you're going to ask," julian starts simply, crossing his arms.
you do the same, neutralizing your expression as best as you can, and trying your hardest not to glance at the way his biceps bulge. you raise your eyebrow, "oh yeah, and what's that?"
"why i crashed your precious launch event?" he says it so casually, as if he was talking about groceries or the weather.
you tilt your head, "and you have a good reason for it?"
julian sucks in a breath, "hmm... not a reason you'd be satisfied with, ms. head of operating and corporate partnership..."
you scoff and roll your eyes, "well... it's better than nothing."
he grins, a bit too wide, a bit too smug for your liking. "i needed the permanence code."
"and you were so sure that we had it?" you demand.
"you happened to tell me that your ceo was a step away from finding it and i did the rational thing."
"which is?"
"tracking her location," he remarks as if it's obvious.
"that's not rational-"
he holds a hand up to silence you, he sighs. "i found something really... interesting, to say the least. and judging by your reaction, they haven't told you a thing."
julian retrieves a tablet and shows you the screen.
you squint, it seemed like some sort of tree... fully grown, smack down in the snow.
"this wasn't there 13 hours ago... well, when i checked, it had been there for five hours. a fully grown orange tree, in five hours. that could mean only one thing..."
you look up at him with wide eyes, "permanence."
"of course, kim only told singh while she flew back to the city, ajay told most of the team. you got the short end of the stick, a few hours later," he shrugs. "but i doubt any of them know that she tested it and had proof, nor did she tell you that she was going to flynn's little hideout to find the code. she went mia for a few days, and oh- she's still missing."
your eyes narrow at him, "what are you trying to say?"
"i'm just saying, if she kept all of this under wraps until the last minute... just imagine how much she hasn't told you..." julian taps his fingers in thought against the screen before putting it away. his brown eyes stare into yours and you hate that it's making his argument sound reasonable.
your teeth dig into your lip, sure, maybe eve- and most of the team haven't been telling you things but- this wasn't right was it?
sensing your hesitation, he steps closer to you, his fingers wrapping around your chin, "you need to understand where i'm standing here, not just as the ceo of my company- but just as a guy who wants to innovate the future, just think about how good it would me to have the permanence code. i have been working to find this code even before i became ceo-"
you ignore how close he is and take a deep breath, clearing your thoughts. "you need the code because of ares."
he doesn't deny it, his lips thinning as if he was contemplating what to say. instead, he nods quietly in response.
you can't help but scoff at his response. "and you knew that encom was also looking for the code, were you using me to get inside encom?"
julian huffs as he scrubs his hand over his face, "you think i'd need to?"
"you literally hacked into our system because i accidentally told you that eve may or may not have found the code!"
"it wasn't solely based on what you'd said- i had a hunch that she was after it anyway-"
"-but what i said confirmed it," you interrupt, looking at him expectantly.
he glares at you in response, then finally admits, "sure, it may have affected my decision a bit more," he pause. "but that doesn't mean i'm using you, i mean- be sensible, for god's sake-"
"why are we doing this?"
"what?"
"this! whatever this is!" you say, running your fingers through your hair, "the sex, the cuddling, the dinners, the hotels- all of this. why are we doing this?"
julian opens his mouth to speak but you don't let a word come out of his mouth.
"i mean, you're julian dillinger. you're not into stuff like this- you're not into anything unless it benefits you!"
"is it so hard to believe that i may actually like you?"
now it's your turn to be silent, you stare at him, processing his words.
he sighs heavily, threading his fingers through his curls again before stepping closer to you. you can see every shadow under his eyes, every stress line on his face. for the first time, he looks tired.
heavy hands cups your cheeks, pulling your face towards him, "you think i don't know i'm crossing a line?"
you hold your breath, unsure how to answer him. his eyes search yours for something, concern? maybe even love? you don't know.
you should pull away from him, but you don't.
julian's face inches even closer to yours, you can feel his breath against your cheek as he finally says. "i don't make these choices because i want to, i make them because i need to," he whispers, then after a bit of silence, he speaks again, "i- i just want you to know that- no matter what i do, i'd never hurt anyone. especially not you. i need you to trust me on that, can you trust me?"
"i'd like to," you respond gently, your own hands going to wrap around the back of his neck.
"that would be enough for me."
his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips before he finally gives in, connecting your lips together. it's softer than yesterday, warmer- sweeter.
he's been drinking again, you can tell because he tastes like beer. your fingers press into his skin, pushing him tighter against you.
and for a while, it's perfect.
you part your lips and his tongue presses between them, but before he can slip it in your mouth, a chime from his desk interrupts you both.
julian reluctantly removes his lips from yours with a sigh and glances over at his screen.
ARES: INCOMING MESSAGE
he clears his throat, "you should go."
you nod slightly, breaths heavy as you fix your hair. "i've been gone too long, it's gotten dark."
"i'll call you," he says, walking over to his desk. "if i have time," he adds. his hand hesitates over the keyboard, a flicker of frustration in his jaw, and something else you can't name.
"yeah, okay," you don't want to leave his side but he's already busying himself with his work. probably trying to distract himself from the tremor in his hands. so you force yourself to turn around and leave him.
"i'll request for a car to take you home-" he starts.
"you don't have to. really, julian," you shake your head, "thank you though."
"if you insist," julian stops typing to stare at you as you leave. his eyes linger longer than they should, enough for those damn butterflies to flutter back.
when the cold air hits your skin again, you wonder just how many more times you were going to do this before it all falls out.
for some reason, that seemed closer than ever. closer than ever to falling apart and closer than ever to something you aren't sure you can survive.
note: thank you for reading again, i had so much fun writing this part. stay tuned!!!
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