jn

my mother pushed me on swings,

kissed my scraped knees.

I wish for my tears to fill the bathtub,

prune the tips of my fingers - turn

wrinkled like her skin.

“No.”

“Good, me neither.”

mangled into an irreparable place - those cruel

insults that set my limbs on fire but

I don’t scream or move an inch

I sit and I feel it

a piece of my right ventricle is being pushed

to my throat and if I open my mouth

it could come out, but maybe

I should search for the courage, to spit

at you; a piece of my heart, the words

that will result in the decision

to slice off another major artery

from my own heart - to let my blood spurt

violently into open space

in the name of self respect. But

I’ve only ever had enough love in there

for you and now as it deteriorates,

how could I ever fit enough for myself.

My heart is broken

and the beats are slowing,

I can’t care enough to tell my lungs

to fight for one more breath

but it happens anyway.

Your insides light my endless nights.

but I’m floating away.

Left the city behind

praying I may find my home

in the ocean as if the view

from this side is different

with island eyes.

on my sunburned soul.

lamp on your bedside table,

cared for if burning out.

Tired trust after opening every door

to you; revealing only empty night above an

ocean of blackness - an invitation

of faith to be taken home.

— j.n (ghost-road.tumblr.com)

in the back of my heart

reserved for you is a secret that

the universe has granted me

because our love was like

6 months of blackout,

even my friends remember the

time that I went missing,

though they don’t know where I’d been; sucked

into a loop hole; an alternate universe

where our destinies were linked, no choice

but to love you every night,

every day, every life.

—reincarnation & letting go

some really horrible thoughts

but the worst one

is that I miss you.