â¨Reviewing every outfit at the 1982 drivers' strikeâ¨
Itâs always superlicence this and FISA-FOCA that, but I ask you; where is the real discourse we need about the strike? When will the mainstream F1 press give us what we want - a full-on deep dive analysis into everybodyâs outfit a la Vogue on Oscar night?Â
Well, here. Here is that discourse.
I will begin by saying generally there seemed to be two broad categories of outfit on show; either preppy country club daddy, or slutty twink attending pride for the first time. I will note who falls into which category as we proceed. You may find the style choice of some drivers surprising.
Look, Niki had bigger things to worry about, I get it. He had to hire the bus first thing that morning. He spent all day trying to keep everyone in order, he had to go to the front desk to arrange all the sleepover bedding, he was fighting for his goddamn rights against Jean-Marie Balestre. He didnât have time for a fashion show. But still. This is rather phoned in. Beige cords, utilitarian black polo? Meh. I will however award a bonus point for the navy baseball cap instead of his usual red. The less said about the weird fish logo on his cords, the better.
Yes. Nigel Mansell; Il Leone, Red Five, the manliest racing driver this side of Tom Selleckâs moustache, was once a mere slip of a twink. Tbh the outfit itself isnât too special, just a white polo and off-white booty shorts, but for me itâs the tilt of the head, the lowered gaze, the shy smile that really sells it as peak ingĂŠnue. Truly mansueto: tame, docile, gentle, submissive, breedable. Also at one point his sunglasses were tucked inside his shorts. Jesus H. Christ, Nigel. One of my faves.
Gilles Villeneuve (twink)
Quite simply the tightest jorts I have ever seen in my life. 100/10, no notes.
There are a lot of contenders in the t-shirt and booty shorts genre at the strike, however I genuinely think Alain is one of the better entries. The dark navy shorts look smart as well as a little slutty, and the athleisure t-shirt looks cute and keeps his sponsors happy. A solid look from Le Professeur.
RenĂŠ is trying hard for Ralph Lauren chic here but is just falling short. The yellow polo and beige slacks are a smidge too bland. I have an feeling if he had gone for twinky booty shorts instead of trousers, this could have been a winner. A pity. He has a beautiful tan however, and the all-gold accessories win him back some points.
Didier here showing Niki it is possible to run a strike and still serve lewks. The stripe across his polo adds interest to plain white, and the blue of his Levis perfectly matches his eyes. The loafers say âIâm casual and funâ, yet the stainless steel briefcase says âI mean businessâ. Bernie and Jean-Marie saw him rock up to the negotiations in this fit and knew they had no chance.
Andrea de Cesaris (twink)
A surprise contender for Look of the Strikeâ˘. The eye-catching cherry red of the printed tee (Google tells me it is the nickname for the Alabama College Football team), the crisp white shorts and trainers, the athletic tube socks; Andrea is channelling 80s John Hughes protagonist and he is making it work. Bonus point for the quads of steel. However he loses marks for the briefcase (itâs kind of weird and pointless). Not quite a perfect score.
Nelson bucks the trend and goes for a printed tee instead of the more popular polo shirt. To be honest this outfit shouldnât work, nothing really matches; bright blue shorts and a schlubby beige tee donât exactly scream high fashion. It looks like he rolled out of bed and grabbed the first clothes he saw (tbh very possible). However, itâs the insouciant attitude that comes from being the reigning world champion that really carries this look; I have more important things to worry about, that strut says, than what I wear. And, dammit Nelson, he pulls it off.
Okay. Oookay. Riccardo looked ridiculously hot at the strike, letâs get that out of the way first thing. He goes for yet another polo shirt and shorts look, but the longer length of the shorts and the rich navy blue of the shirt keeps it interesting. I hereby bequeath him with the official Hottest Driver in Attendance Award. Niki better move aside because I think we all would like to snuggle up on that mattress.
Keke did not want to go to the strike apparently, but he didnât let it stop him from staying on trend in this all-navy shirt and jeans ensemble. The darker shade of blue emphasizes his tan and golden highlights. The slight oversizing of the shirt make his waist look actually snatched. This is low-key but super chic, I like it a lot.
John is really going down the âageing tennis pro trying to seduce you on holidayâ route. It also has a touch of âhow do you do, fellow young drivers?â Good for him. Itâs the same outfit as Nigel, more or less, but Wattie looks perhaps a little too old at this point to pull off bridal all-white; he doesnât quite have the same charming naivety required to sell it. 10/10 for aviators, though.
Bruno Giacomelli (no category)
Oh this outfit! Itâs not twinky, itâs not preppy, and I simply ADORE it. The wraparound shades, the bomber jacket, the plain white tee and jeans. Itâs pure James Dean. If there were a few more photos this might actually win it for me.
Now, on the surface perhaps this look isnât so special. Red shirt and jeans, who cares? However, think! Think about later on. In the small hours, when everyone is ready for bed, in the smoky darkness of the hotel room, Elio will be sat at the piano, playing the sexiest Mozart shit you ever heard. His sleeves will be rolled up, his top shirt buttons undone, showing a teasing flash of chest, a cigarette will be smouldering in his pursed lips, the light every so often catching his gold Rolex, his hair falling into his eyes as he concentrates on the soft lilting rhythm of the music. He will look spectacular and everyone will want to have sex with him.
Carlos Reutemann (no category)
In Loleâs defense, apparently he didnât know the strike was going on and was bundled onto the coach first thing without a change of clothes. However, I donât accept this as an excuse. The half-undone overalls and t-shirt combo may work in the pits, but youâre in the big leagues now, Carlos. Try harder.
He doesnât even go here! Patrick didnât have a seat on the grid at this point in time but came to the strike anyway, and he damn near stole the show in patriotic, tricolore-themed faded red white and blue. Even his shoes match! Preppy and sleek. Chapeau, Patrick.
This is the best outfit of the strike, donât @ me. The oversized aviator frames, the white polo with blue accents, the combination skinny/flare fit navy dungarees, the fluffy bed hair, even the casual cigarette. I would wear this but I would not look as good. Riccardo Paletti, you win first prize.
No review as I could not find good footage/photos of them: Michele Alboreto, Jacques Laffite, Eddie Cheever. Babes, Iâm truly, truly sorry but also next time try to get yourselves in a picture maybe.
No review as I donât care: Teo Fabi, Derek Warwick, the rest
Thank you for coming to my talk, fuck the FIA đ¸
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