Wasting time one day at a time

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

She should be at the club

this morning i got a spam call that just played clown waiting music for a few seconds and then hung up on me. which really pissed me off a lot

oooohhh noo tumblr's clocked me as a deadlock enjoyer. oh they got me square in the chest with billy. oh this will have untold consequences for my front page now.

earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

will you ever forgive me

jesus christ did i fucking kill them im sorry

you may think homicide is good because it is made up of homo, which is gay, and cider, which is delicious. And gay cider sounds great. but 👆 it is not gay cider

I don’t know a word of Korean, but I love how I can tell the chat is clearly cracking up at this.

“LOL I’M DRIVING” is a universal experience

The chat going absolutely apeshit is my favourite part of this video.

They are finally catching up 😌