Gender: What's the Issue?

Like many Americans this week I was upset by the outcome of the Presidential election. I’m scared and unsure of what a Donald Trump presidency will mean for this country. Since Wednesday morning I have been trying to make sense of what happened. For weeks all the polls pointed to a Clinton landslide but when the time came she fell far short and now we must deal with a reality we never imagined.

I write this piece not to tell anyone how to feel about the election, or demand that you do what I plan on doing. I only ask that you consider this question carefully. What do we do next?

There are a lot of theories and ideas going around about why the election turned out the way it did. Jason Brennan from Foreign Policy thinks it was the people that failed democracy, not democracy that failed the people. Naomi Klein thinks it was the Democrats embrace of neoliberal policies. Glenn Greenwald thinks it was Democrat elitism, paired with media elitism, that gave Trump the win. Bernie Sanders thinks that Democrats ignored working class voters to their detriment and eventual downfall.

I think no one thing created the outcome from Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. But, it is clear to me that those that swept Trump to victory have been ignored by Washington, failed by both parties, overlooked by the media, and made othered by a society that is leaving them behind.

So here is what I plan to do and I hope you consider my reasoning before dismissing the idea. I will reach across the aisle listen to those I disagree with. I will listen to their reasoning even if it infuriates me. I will ask them to explain how they could look past what I regard as un-defendable remarks made about women, people of color, Jews, Muslims, disabled people, immigrants, and many more groups that have for too long faced oppression.

I will not agree with everything they say, and I expect that much of it has the potential to hurt and anger me. But I look at our political landscape and have decided that we need awkward, infuriating, uncomfortable conversations or we will continue to deepen the divide that helped put us here in the first place. I no longer expect politics to change their approach to me, so I will instead change my approach to politics. Trump supporters felt as many of us have felt, ignored by those in power who are making decisions about their lives without consulting them. In Trump they found a voice that was different, that didn’t say the things politicians say, and didn’t tout the background and accomplishments politicians lay before their voters as reasons to put them in power. They found a different kind of candidate. And different was what they wanted. This is how they could look past the racism, the misogyny, the anti-semitism, the disrespect for the disabled, the Islamaphobia, and the xeonophobia. And yes, many of his supporters embraced those hurtful words and have used them to justify unjustifiable acts. That is undeniable and should not be left out of the conversation. But first there needs to be a conversation that can contain those facts to begin with.

I never thought I would ever say this but Glenn Beck and I have found something to agree on: Don’t move to Canada. Talk to the other side.

I want to make something clear. No one should have to fear for their safety or their civil rights. These feelings of fear are absolutely legitimate and cannot be ignored. I am not asking anyone to accept feelings of oppression and hate from the other side. You can and should organize, protest, petition, and generally make a very big stink about these fears. You can and should stand up for your rights. What I am asking is to understand that half of the nation cannot be written off because they voted for Trump. To steal a quote from LA Times writer Vincent Bevins, “Both Brexit and Trumpism are the very, very, wrong answers to legitimate questions that urban elites have refused to ask for thirty years.” So let’s take up the mantle and start asking those questions and create a conversation based in learning what we all need.

I ask that you look for common ground. I ask that you start a conversation with the intent of learning not where you differ but where you agree. I ask that you tell the people you don’t agree with why you are afraid. I ask that you listen to them tell you why they are afraid. I DO NOT ask you to accept what you can’t. Know your limits and leave the conversation when you hit that limit. 

These will not be easy conversations.

These might be very painful conversations.

These conversations are only a very small step in attempting to find unity in a nation so harshly divided. 

Lastly: You don’t have to do this, now or ever. You have no obligation to try and make friends with someone you feel oppressed by. You have no obligation to be nice to someone you feel oppressed by. You have no obligation to respect someone who does not respect you. But if you can’t or won’t do this I implore you think long and hard about my initial question with the purpose of finding a solution for the country in a way that you can and will move forward with. So, what’s next?