Hi! How do I feel less bad about my body as a fat transguy?
(Esp pre and post testosterone/surgeries)
Been sitting on this one for a little bit because well, I'm a pre-everything fat trans guy. And I struggle a lot with the same thing, often. But here's what I've found works best for me.
1. Look at pictures of other guys that have a similar body type to you, especially those who are happy and living their best lives.
How do you feel about these guys? Generally positive, or at least neutrally I'd assume. I'm personally attracted to guys, so I see them with a very positive outlook. Remember that these guys are similar to you- as bad as you might feel, you see these guys as valid and worthy, maybe even attractive if you swing that way. You look like them too. Or, if they're post T and you're not, you WILL look like them. Goals, as they say.
2. If you can't start with body positivity, start with body neutrality.
Others have said it better, but if you can't bring yourself to believe that your body is handsome, incredible, wonderful, or whatever other description you want to strive for, start smaller. Your body takes you from place to place. Your body is what people hug when they want to hug you. Your hands are what you use to do your hobby of choice. Adapt to your personal situation, and work up to body positivity over time.
3. Consider your body a customization project
This one's a little weird. Yes, absolutely your body is perfect as is. But most of us, throughout our lives, are going to have a body that changes. Be it from transitioning, body modification, general wear and tear, your body will change over time, and from the day you were born has become a museum to a lived life. I have found embracing the idea of body customization has done wonders for my self esteem. These things can be temporary, like dyed hair or body paint or makeup if you're so inclined, or more permanent, like tattoos, piercings, and medical transition if that's available to you. I find it easier to love a work in progress than an empty canvas, and that's made the wait for medical transition far more bearable, and has let me love my pre-everything body a lot more.
If you can't/don't want to do tattoos, piercings, makeup/body paint or other similar things, consider something less drastic. I started lifting heavy shit around my apartment in an attempt to get stronger, and seeing that my body is able to do that now gives me great satisfaction when I can use that skill to help around the house, or at work. Plus, this one is more typically considered "masculine", so gender moment.
4. Get fatphobia out of your life.
Society at large is hostile to fat people, especially those of us who are otherwise marginalized, like by being transgender. Surround yourself with people who fight back against that, or who celebrate fat bodies like they deserve to be celebrated. Work on any internalized fatphobia you might have- because you're worthy of love and appreciation at any size.
5. Spend time with other fat trans guys, both online and irl if you can.
We have wildly varrying lives, varrying life stories, and skillets. But we all have something to offer in our community, and we shouldn't isolate ourselves. Trans masculinity is beautiful. Trans bodies as a whole are beautiful. Fat bodies are beautiful. And all that's easier to see when you're around people that are like you. Thin, white, late teens early 20-something trans boys are not the normal, just one flavor of guy to exist with the most visibility. Your body isn't an outlier, just part of the massive spectrum of guys out there. And you deserve to be appreciated and celebrated for that.
I hope this was of some help to you, and maybe to others. It was a little hard to get my thoughts together, since I struggle with this problem myself. I'm lucky enough that I live with and love other fat transmasc people who are very vocal about their love for myself and my body, and have helped me form a healthier relationship with my body. But I know not everyone is lucky enough to be in that situation, so that's my advice.
Take care of yourself β€οΈ
