Gender Boffin

A genuine reaction by a friends Biology teacher to the story here "Trans teen banned from exam reads teacher her rights"

You know you do it, without thinking. Every day.

You immediately decide if a person you meet is 'he' or 'she' and start to use that within conversations, writing etc. You use gendered pronouns based on just a name, sometimes.

Yet how does this allow for the genderqueer amongst us. Does this make it harder and more obvious when someone is moving from one gender to another? That stress of 'did I use the right pronoun' moments. 

I had a Head of Diversity report proudly that they had stopped using pronouns with me (either using my name, or a plural). I smiled and asked why only for me. Why not do it with everyone.

It was like a lightbulb had lit up.

How to De-Gender?

I avoid using the artificial third person, one, zie, hir, mostly because with a decent NZ accent, 99% can't tell between "her" and "hir" when I say it.

De-Gendering english is not trivial, but it can be done without loosing too much grammatical sense. Reword the sentence into a different tense, use names rather than pronouns, or if you get stuck, use a plural. Most people won't notice the plural pronouns. 

At a workshop on Gender Play I was part of a number of conversations on how to be one's self in a world that wants you to be otherwise.

People talked about the desire to start being more masculine or feminine, to show who they really are, but could not because they felt they need to hide who they were in a corporate environment.

Which got me thinking. If the HR policies say there is no discrimination based on Gender (Presentation), how does the corporate world manage the 'uniform' issue?

How can a corporate world manage for female employee who prefers trousers more often, with open necked business shirts? Or for the male employee who wears softer collars and more tailored coats? 

Can we talk about being non-discriminatory based on Gender (Presentation) and still enforce a strict dress code with "Men must wear ties ... Women skirts below the knee". I have friends reporting that a plain pink shirt is a little beyond the acceptable limit, and the height of a shirt collar quite a serious concern. 

Before we head into the SciFi world of identical polyester knit outfits, is there room in the corporate hand book to allow for the non-conforming gender? 

If I want to appear in clothes I feel more comfortable in, do I need to go to HR to get a special note? Or have one of those difficult conversations with my manager about gender etc, when I am not in a transition journey?

I don't have the answers. I don't pretend to. I know that the way I dress pegs me as different in the office. When I meet with the Heads of Diversity of a number of Fortune 50 companies, the fact I dress professionally but not within the standard uniform code, is very obvious.

Last Saturday/Sunday was the Trans Day of Remembrance. 

When members of the trans community, their allies, friends and family join to remember those who have died in the past year. 

But it's not just died, it is those who were murdered, for being who they are. Many times murdered in acts of despicable violence.

This year this happened to over 200 people around the world. Mostly countries where the conservative right wing, or neo-conservative wings of religion have taken hold. Where tolerance is removed in the name of religious observance. 

We sat in a room and had a solem ceremony of reading the names of the dead, however we could barely pronounce the names and the places all seemed so far away. 

Then you hear places you know, Dallas, Washington, Seattle. 

Last year we had Brighton, and the year before London.

This isn't something that happens to people out there, it is something that can happen to the people in the room.

This is Genderboffin- a home for my thoughts and opinions on gender, and also a log of what I am doing around gender.

I claim to be no authority, and I’m putting things down here because it makes sense to communicate these things to the wider world. If you are working to resolve corporate or personal battles, you can feel very alone, but by telling people about what you are doing you can gain much strength.

About me- well if you must know, genderqueer. Not really one or t’other. Very much a girly boy or is that a boyly girl? 

I go by the name of Dr J as it is genderneutral and removes some of the expectations. I’ve had more than enough of the “oh, you aren’t what we expected <insert shock/astonishment/bewilderment>”