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Just saw someone on Instagram refusing to refer to a trans man as anything but ‘transmasc’ and when people were like “well that’s degendering” they started calling people tenderqueers and making fun of people’s dead parents
Bro what are you DOING that’s YOUR COMMUNITY
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kind of tmi about my love life sorry
nearly all of my long distance ex boyfriends in t4t mlm relationships having preferred to imagine and describe that i’m bigger than them, have a penis, etc… like just say that you don’t think transmascs are masculine enough to deserve to top because their bodies aren’t up to your standards and you only like “real” dicks. i’d be fine if they could say that preference outright but they just shallowly reassure me when i bring it up
they would also treat me like the most stereotypical het boyfriend, i have to do emotional labor, listen to them cry, accept them lashing out and yelling at me when they’re upset, when i’m unhappy they tell me i’m not making enough space for their feelings. they never take care of me and when i express some insecurity they just remind me it’s okay because they’re happy with me. they’d tell me their sexual preferences and expect that i should be salivating at the thought because of course i should always want them and i should already be overjoyed that they want to do it with me but their tastes have to be catered to
and it feels like some projection of internalized het culture gender role shit because they’re all fem-presenting trans men and i’m masc-presenting. it absolutely doesn’t help that i’m a masc trans man who prefers to dom and top. treated like actual trash and objectified as a toy and someone who can be used to roleplay your dream cis boyfriend, and denied any space to express any feminine-coded aspect of myself including my literal real life body
my current boyfriend is wonderful but every time he’s okay with me reminding him of which genitals i have or he’s okay with looking at my thin arms and remembering that i use a harness to top i start tearing up and especially when i realize he remembers what the fuck i’m even into and doesn’t seem colder after i get emotional i just start crying real tears
trans men are not safe from just vile toxic masculinity from other trans men including from a heteronormative perspective. “just do t4t” is not an automatic safe haven from being seen as not man enough. anyone can have unchecked bigotry.
i get that many transmascs are bottoms but it just makes me even more bitter when nearly every ao3 fic with a trans man in it the trans man is bottoming and usually for a cis man. it sometimes feels like there’s no space for me in the world
This is transandrophobia and homonormativity (a subset of heteronormativity directed at queer relationships, in which queer relationships are "fine" as long as they have a "balance" of "feminine" and "masculine".)
There are people who subscribe to toxic masculinity and heteronormativity in every demographic, unfortunately. I am sorry you've gone through this.
I am not a man, but I experience something very similar for my transmasculinity. Every time I enter dating or kink spaces, I am never deemed masculine enough, and any time my masculinity is recognized it is weaponized against me.
am I transphobic if someone has she/it or he/it I use she or he but if they’re it/it’s then I use it’s. But if they’re use she/it or he/it I mostly use the she or he part does that make me transphobic
Yes, it does. Avoiding someone's pronouns is a form of degendering.
If someone uses multiple sets of pronouns, prioritize all sets equally, unless asked otherwise.
this thought isnt fully baked yet so ill probably add onto this later but i feel like a really good example of the difference in how queer femininity and queer masculinity are treated can be seen with how people refer to people that use he/they or she/they. at least in my experience and from what ive seen, people who use he/they are very often only referred to using they/them and people who use she/they are very often only referred to using she/her. the same is often also true in general (where people who use he/(anything else) are often they/theymmed and feminine folks who use any/all pronouns are often she/herred(see courtney miller and erika ishii))
hey quick question why is jax degendered on her own wiki page
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Really annoying that cis people only know how to use they/them pronouns for people who don't want to be referred to with they/them
Me "I use they/them pronouns instead of she/her or he/him."
Cis people "tHaTs tO coNfusiNg it's NoT grAmiTicLy coRreCt I cAn'T keEp up wiTh aLl thEse neW PrOnoUnS"
My friend "I use he/him pronouns"
The same fucking people "good morning them how are you today they"
It's too bad that English speakers won't adopt singular they/them pronouns and the honorific "mistrum" for everyone with gender identities and personal pronouns that are unknown to the speaker, regardless of gender presentation. Imagine…💜
I love being feminine and enjoying feminine things.
I also enjoy masculine things but a lot of my interests are feminine and I'm so sad that growing up I thought this was a bad thing.
Many girls do, we reject pink 🩷 and dresses, female targeted media ,make up , even hanging out with other girls sometimes.
Im glad I never took it that far but I still rejected the things I enjoyed because I was taught it was inferior.
I'm not convinced that degendering things would make this better. Instead I think encouraging balance ⚖️ and self expression and confidence would be better. A balance of feminine and masculine traits and interests is believed to be a great quality in several cultures around the world. If girls and boys were raised to be confident and secure in themselves and naturally explore different interests without caring which sphere it belongs to,I think the world would be a much better place.
