Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.

T’challa: 

See, Game Freak really doesn’t want to touch on the intricacies of the reproductive cycle in the pokémon world and will go to truly ridiculous lengths to avoid addressing it. This means that the official line from the pokémon company is that even though there is an activity called “pokémon breeding” in which you leave two pokémon of opposite genders (or one of any gender and a ditto) alone together and you come back and get an egg that hatches into the lowest rung on the evolution chain of one of them, under no circumstances did either of those pokémon lay that egg. You leave two compatible pokémon in the day care together and an egg just magically appears.

So what I’m saying is, because we never see human eggs, I think it’s safer to assume that the human reproductive cycle in pokémon is more along the lines of:

#‘well at least this fucking dude won’t come back in my favourite class spirits and mythology where we will read how princess yue became the #moon spirit with one last kiss to fucking sokka again I guess. anyway here’s a list of the very little people who ever managed to go into #the spirit world and come back guess who’s on there too’ #‘aw man I’m still so mad about the loss of the spirit library imagine all that knowledge. the only thing we have left is a description of #one of the last people who visited the library. guess fucking who again’

#like obviously all the names of the gaang will be remembered but everyone else’s #name when u first learn about them u know you need to remember them bc of course they will be important to history. like of course you’re #gonna remember avatar aangs name bc you know his name will surely come back. of course you remember firelord zuko who led the fire nation #into an era of peace. meanwhile sokka’s name is kinda a side note like yeah this guy was also #here you might need to remember this random detail for a test #except then he keeps coming back in every single class and by the end of your school career you’re just like ‘oh this test is asking me for #the name of whoever invented this or did that? well if I just answer sokka there’s like a 50% chance it’ll be correct do’

#obviously then it becomes a meme #if tumblr exists 200 years after atla someone would make a post with a screenshot of some show with the text ‘ah they really invented love’ #and someone also will reblog with ‘nice try but I think we all know who really invented love’ and then it’s one of those long posts in which #everyone reblogs with ‘sokka’ probably in a bunch of different fonts #atla. #sokka #mine. #atla #avatar

You go to history class and learn that Ben Franklin was instrumental in securing aid from France without which the us may not have won the war. He was also the first postmaster general.

Next period is physics. You’re learning about electricity and oh hey Ben Franklin proved that electricity occurred commonly in nature. He also invented the lightning rod which has prevented countless structural fires.

After that you have music class and woah there’s Ben again inventing one of the most popular musical instruments of the 18th century.

Now, onto government class and well if it isn’t Benny boy laying the foundation for modern politician science.

Surely, he won’t show up in journalism cla- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE OF AMERICA’S MOST INFLUENTIAL NEWSPAPERS WERE STARTED BY THIS GUY?!

Okay, you think you might be clear of him. You go to your agriculture class. (did I mention you’re in a rural high school?) Your teacher tells you about the most useful publication you could read every year, better at predicting weather than any local meteorologist. It’s called Poor Richard’s Almanac and you already know who started it.

I knew she was young. Like, obviously she was young. A mask and costume can only disguise so much, right? But I thought, for sure, college age. It’s hard to tell for sure through costumes and she wears a lot of padding and armor. (Very sensible, it’s a dangerous job.) 

Still, I took it easy on her. No head blows, right? I also tried to avoid any joint injuries, because I suspected she was on a sports team. (Turns out she runs track.)

Like, sure, I’m a ‘villainess’ or whatever, but I’m not actually fuckin evil. I want what I want but I don’t actually want to maim some idealistic coed over it. Like, come on. Life is hard enough for young women. I know that.

And I got the sense that, for her, it was mostly for show as well. Sure, she thrashed the shit out of that fucker with the tentacles, but he was planning some sort of gory sacrifice, fair’s fair. Even as I went easy on her, I got the sense she was going easy on me, is my point. She pulled her blows. 

But. You lose sponsorships if you just let the bad guy get away, you know, and college ain’t cheap. Right? So she’s gotta make a show of it. 

So the newspaper called me her nemesis because we kept coming to blows, but mostly it was a show, and it was about 50/50. 

I should have tracked her down. I made a promise to myself not to, you know? I felt like that was crossing a line. But now that I know… shit. I’m kicking myself. I could have known. But I was like, you know, a young woman, the last thing she needs is some creepy old lady stalking her. I should have, though. 

Okay, so here’s what happened.