Just My Thoughts

I know it’s hard to do, especially when you’re in an abusive home, but you need to make sure to work hard in school

Start assembling your paperwork (birth certificate and such) make copies or take the originals when you can, put them in a folder and hide it somewhere safe

Make sure you have someone outside of your family that is aware of what you are going through (a close friend, a teacher, a neighbour, etc.)

Put aside as much money as you can, pennies, small change, and if you can, get a job as soon as possible (I know this part is especially hard when your parents don’t want you to leave the house or to get a wage)

Determine the belongings you need most, in case of an emergency what do you need to take and where did you put it

BE CAREFUL THOUGH

Do not leave these essentials in a bag ready to go, if someone goes through your stuff and finds it you might get in trouble

Make yourself a first aid kit, band aids, 99% alcohol, cotton, tampons, pads, etc.

If you have a smartphone, download apps that allow you to hide your pictures, change the names of your contacts if you need to (my parents did not allow me to talk to boys so I had to change their names)

Don’t use your phone in front of them either! Especially when they’re mad, they will be more likely to take it away from you

If you use your phone at night and your parents regularly check on you, pretend to sleep for 10 minutes every 1:30 hours, people tend to wake up every 1:30 hours or every 3 hours, so learn their sleep pattern and stick to it

These are some things that I can think of right now, don’t hesitate to add more

P.S.: I KNOW that some of these are hard, or impossible to some, you don’t have to do these steps, and don’t feel guilty if you can’t/don’t want to find a job, if you’re not doing well at school, at each their own, these are the things that helped me get out

And please remember that things get better, I didn’t believe it, but they do

If your parents physically abused you, you do not owe them shit.

If your parents sexually abused you, you do not owe them shit.

If your parents neglected you, you do not owe them shit.

“And I’m not as happy as I seem to be, either.” I never reply.

- Me (From “Me, Myself and my Mother”)

If you abuse all of your children, there’s a good chance the kids will unite and stand against you. Abusing only one child and then sparing others is not only a narcissistic move, but a strategic one. And don’t think abusers have to be smart to strategize, this is done by instincts. You can feel if you continually hurt a group of people that you gave them a reason and motivation to unite and stand against you. If abused siblings can bond over their abuse, they can create a strong connection, and support each other thru the abuse. They can validate each other’s experience and make sure they all know what’s the truth. They can support each other’s words and arguments, and even prove something in court. Having multiple victims affirm abuser’s wrongdoings, who are completely certain in their experience and not alone and isolated from support, that’s an abuser’s worst nightmare.

However, if you only abuse one of your children, and then spare the rest, you have created the environment where nobody will stand against you and side with the victim. The other children will see the abuse and subconsciously fear that they’ll end up as the next target - and they’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it. They’ll side with abuser, help with the abuse, validate abuser’s side, avoid the abused child or reject them, agree with abuser that the abused sibling deserved it or had it coming. They want to be on the safe side, they don’t want to endure the same abuse, and if you convince them that the abused one is only the target because of some trait - like, they kid is rebellious, or sensitive, or strong, or weak, or annoying or different in any way - then all they have to do is not show these behaviours and they’ll be safe. Until the first victim gets away that is. Then they might get a glimpse of the truth - child’s traits don’t matter.

Abuser will pick out the victim that they feel is safest to abuse. It means they might pick out introverted kid who stays alone a lot, vs extroverted, who might have a lot of friends and would tell someone very soon. They might pick out more hardworking kid because it’s easier to gain profit off of it and bully them into submission. They might pick the kid with strong morals because a kid with strong morals is unlikely to side with the abuser, so they would become a threat if another child is abused in front of them. They might pick a kid who is more compassionate and kind than others because then they can blackmail and guilt them into submission more easily. They’re aiming to create the environment of having one kid isolated, not believed, not supported, not taken seriously, and emotionally abandoned by everyone, even their own family members.